Monday, March 30, 2009
A few months before I left she started hanging out with this guy who was friends with people I knew from the surf shop. I didn’t know him at all, we talked online sometimes, just about Candy and our mutual friends. He’s in some band that has had their songs play on MTV and stuff but this was before they really started touring or doing shows. I didn’t message him to start with, he messaged me I’m pretty sure. The only time I met him was at mine and Bun’s going away dinner when Candy brought him as her date. He seemed nice and cool and I continued to talk to him online, but I didn’t have a crush on him or consider him a good friend or have any kind of ulterior motives for our acquaintance.
Candy ended up telling me something that I felt she should tell this guy. She didn’t think so, but from what he had told me about the two of them, I thought he should know. Now, looking back, even 5 minutes after I did it I thought it- I should’ve given her the chance to tell him or given her an ultimatum like if she didn’t tell him, I would, but I didn’t. To this day she thinks I was in the wrong for saying anything at all to him, but I still feel like I should’ve, just in a different way or talked her in to doing it herself since it was really her business.
I know that is all really vague and it makes me sound like an awful friend. If I said what the issue was, maybe more people would agree with what I had done, but I don’t want to say because I wouldn’t want to hurt Candy all over again about it. The bottom line is just this thing happened between us and it changed everything.
She called me to tell me she knew I had told the guy the thing and was pissed. I apologized and I meant it and I thought that that was that but, we stopped talking after that. I didn’t go home for that first year. I don’t think I tried to see her that Christmas, but I did try and see her that next summer when I was home. She agreed to meet then backed out at the last minute. We didn’t talk for another year and a half and then we started messaging back and forth on AIM and it seemed like maybe we had gotten over stuff.
After I got back from Hawaii, she suggested I come over and see her new place and have a hang out. I went and it was just awkward. I felt like she didn’t really want me there, even though SHE had been the one to call me. When her roommate came home, she pretty much ignored me to talk to this girl she saw everyday. I didn’t like her roommate and her roommate didn’t like me. I was saying something about the flight to Sydney being 14 hours or something and the roommate was like “How can that be when it takes like 10 to get to Hawaii from here.” I said, “No, it doesn’t, it takes like 6 to get to Hawaii.” She gave me this look like “Right, I don’t believe you, what do you know?” And I said, “Look, I just got back from Hawaii like 2 days ago, I know how long the flight is.” She then gave Candy this look like “Back me up (even though I’ve never been to Hawaii and neither have you and this girl has) it takes 10 hours to get there.” And Candy just said, “I don’t know.”
After the roommate went in to her room our conversation started flowing and it was turning out to be a fun night. Then the incident that changed everything came up. She told me how she had told, or had in as many words told, a bunch of people that were mutual friends that she hated me. It really shocked me, I knew she was mad, but I didn’t know she HATED me. I felt awful. I started crying because no one has ever said they’ve hated me before. I left shortly thereafter and it was kindof an uncomfortable goodbye, we said we’d meet up again before I left but I really didn’t want to and I ended up not seeing her again.
I didn’t hear from her again for 6 months. Then she messaged me to say she was moving to Australia. We had talked about this when I was at her house and I had advised her that moving to Australia can be very lonely and it’s not at all what you would expect. I knew her, or at least what she had been like for 5 years, and I knew she needed a big support group around her, like friends and her family, and here you are removed from all that. I suggested she move to a new city first to give living away from everyone a try. I also found it weird that she had “randomly” decided to move to Australia out of everywhere in the world. I don’t know if she wanted to prove it to me and Bun and everyone else that knew we had moved here that she was tough enough to do it too or what. Out of the blue I got a message from her on MySpace saying she was moving to Australia, but don’t worry “not my part of Australia”-Sydney, which if I have a “part” of Australia, I’d consider Sydney as within its range. Anyway, she asked if I had any advice for her.
I didn’t write her back. She suggested in the email that we should let the past be the past and I agreed, just not the in the way she thought. I just figured my life was here and in Santa Cruz now, not in Orange County so I’d let our friendship be in the past, too. I don’t think we would’ve hung out together heaps if I had written back, but I just didn’t want to be involved. My not replying wasn’t malicious; I just thought it was what was the best thing for me. Sometimes I ask Bun how she’s doing here and I hear she’s pretty miserable (probably off and on as living in a different country is always a roller coaster), I don’t think she’ll be making a permanent move out here, but I guess now she can tell everyone she’s done it?
Sunday, March 29, 2009
It was nice to have everyone over to MY house and not to S’s parents place cause it just felt more relaxed and it didn’t matter if there were dishes everywhere or if we were being too loud or all inside, not that they really care, his parents have always been cool when we have people over, it just was more comfortable to me because I hate to leave their kitchen dirty or keep them from sleep for too long. Everyone said nice things about my house, even though it is kind of a shithole. They liked the backyard and, I agree, it is pretty spectacular.
We started talking about the blog because not many people knew I had one. Everyone was interested and wants the link to it, probably to make sure I’m not talking crap about them! Which is understandable because if someone told me they had written something about me online, I’d want to check it out, too, to make sure it was nice. So I’m emailing people the links to this page tomorrow and hopefully they like it. It was good because I got to talk to Tinkerbell about her description on the site, as she had already read it. She was concerned because I had said I was intimidated by her when I first met her and she thought maybe it was something she had done. I didn’t want her to feel bad, because I’ve said to her before that she was intimidating in the beginning, but this time I got to explain it to her and basically all it was is that she was the first of the girls in the group I had met and I was used to the “Mean Girl” mentality of all girls from back home so I just assumed all girls my age were like that everywhere and was just nervous to meet her. Thankfully Tinkerbell is nothing like the girls from back home and that’s why I like being friends with her! But it was good that she read it and that we could have a quick chat about it to clear the air because I definitely didn’t want her to feel weird about anything as she had never done anything to justify me feeling intimidated by her! She also asked about her name and I was like, “Oh, just because of the dress you wore to the races, you looked like Tinkerbell in it.” I don’t know, I thought it was cute, I hope she doesn’t hate the code name too much! Then everyone wanted to know their names on the site and the Soccer Player was like, “I don’t want to be the Soccer Player, I saw myself on film playing soccer last week and I don’t look so good” or something along those lines. Then Croc asked about his name and Croc HATES the internet, wants nothing to do with it, and the Teacher had already warned me about it before she knew I was using code names, but he just laughed and I think he likes that I think of him like Croc Dundee. S totally thinks he’s not going to have any friends left when people start reading this blog, but I just laugh because I like writing down are little group adventures.
So yeah, all yesterday I was rushing around trying to buy all the food for the party, then cooking cupcakes, making lemonade and spinach dip and trying to get the house picked up. S was out back trying to get the yard all set up and just as Tinkerbell and the Farmer and Junior pulled up, he was hopping in the shower and I was throwing on clothes. Junior looked so cute in this shirt S and I had gotten him in CA and he had on little jeans and Etnies and all night long he was scooting around the floor on his butt because I guess he hates crawling. He is such a cute little guy and so flirty, I love it! Then Croc and the Teacher pulled up and started telling us all about their honeymoon to Thailand; bottom line is they wouldn’t recommend going, but it did make for some funny stories! The Teacher and Tinkerbell were a big help to me getting the rest of the food ready that I hadn’t had time to do and then shortly thereafter the Runner, the Smooth Talker, the Hairdresser, and the Soccer Player all showed up. LC and Bob Marley were running late, as they had a family BBQ earlier in the day for LC’s birthday (which is tomorrow). S's brother, who will no longer be called D, but "Bob the Builder" or just "Bob" came over to hang out with us, too, which is good because now that he's not living at home S (who will also be getting a new name on here shortly) doesn't get to see him as often and I know he misses hanging out with Bob. It was nice that he came over and ended up spending the night. The boys hung out in the back and the girls all hung inside. We were going to eat outside until we realized my backyard is pretty pitch black, even with the bonfire going, so everyone piled in to the house. My food went over well and like I said to Tinkerbell, “I love doing this kind of crap” so I was really glad that the hard work paid off and people liked what I had made. Everyone finally hung out by the fire and I sat with Bob Marley who was getting hammered and he was funny to talk to. Like I’ve said before, he is really quiet so it’s always good when he gets going. I think LC was pretty tired from her day so they took off fairly early and Bob Marley yelled back something like, “Fuck off Poofters” as they were leaving my backyard, just out of nowhere and hilarious. The Runner and I walked back in to the house to grab sweatshirts to wear because it is finally starting to get cold out at night here and as we came up to my laundry room a huge possum was swinging around trying to get on the roof. I yelled, “Raccoon” and then felt really dumb because there are no raccoons in Australia, but she knew what I meant. I’m glad I saw it because I was starting to think I was crazy and there weren’t really in my roof and that I was just getting freaked out by the noises of the house settling. Now I’m totally going to call my real estate guys again to have someone come out and catch them because all last night I could barely sleep listening to the possum run around in my ceiling. Croc Dundee then told us stories about trying to wrestle his friend “Singlet” who will hold on to you like a dog with a bone when he’s got you around the neck, but who can’t throw a punch at all. Croc said even the Hairdresser was able to beat Singlet up, which had us all cracking up because Singlet is so stocky and tough looking, you would never guess a girl could punch him out! Croc, the Teacher, the Hairdresser and the Soccer Player all got ready to go after that; they were off to play a prank on someone else in the group before going home and going to bed.
Just before, I went in to the fridge to make lunch from leftovers for me and S and all I found was the last hamburger with a big ole bite taken out of it-Thanks Guys! Anyway, it was a pretty mellow night but everyone seemed to have a good time. I know S really did, so I’m glad.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Like I said, the Red Head is a nice guy, but he has no luck with the ladies. At first he was in love with Bun, thinking it would be perfect- the two guy best friends dating the two girl best friends, but Bun really liked SBB’s best friend, Gangles, and she started dating him and it made it even more awkward for the Red Head when Gangles moved in with him and SBB and Bun was over all the time. He also has a tendency to fall in lust with girls who have boyfriends.
I had him over to my place while I was on Internship and I had invited a girl that was on Internship at the same school over for dinner that night, as well. They were chatty and seemed to get along and the next weekend they went out on a date. She ended up not being interested, but only because, even though he was interested in her, he made the date seem buddy-buddy. Like he didn’t pick her up from her house, didn’t try to hold her hand at the movies, he Did buy her dinner at least, but then at the end of the date he didn’t try and kiss her or anything, I don’t think he hugged her either, there was just no physical contact, except for when he jokingly pushed her. At our age, pushing someone as a flirting move does not register well.
Just last weekend he went out on a date with another friend’s friend, whom he had met a few times before. He said the dinner went well, it last 3 hours, he kissed her or she kissed him on the cheek at the end of the night, and she texted him afterwards to say she had had a fun time. He then gives her a follow up call to set up another date and she said she wasn’t interested. What had changed? It seems pretty sketchy and random to me. What kind of girl bothers to text that she had a good time if she wasn’t in to the guy and picks up his call when he calls next, that’s what the ignore button on cellphones was invented for!
So here’s my open invitation to any single girls in Sydney, the Central Coast, the Hunter Valley, and Newcastle. If you want a guy who drives a nice car, who doesn’t live with Mom and Dad, who has a decent and steady job, and who will treat you like a motherfucking princess, then please contact me so I can set you up with the Red Head. No offense if he’s reading this, but he’s not Brad Pitt, and no one is, other than Brad Pitt. He is a reasonably attractive guy; he’s not overweight, he dresses well, he has met my friend Mr. Deodorant and all that. He is just a normal guy. So ladies, let’s make this happen!
Nae is single and out of school and now that I’m out of school I often wonder, if S and I weren’t dating, where would I find someone? Nae, Red Head and I aren’t the club scene kind of people and I just think about how difficult it would be to find someone now that I’m not in the mix with 1000s of other people my age everyday at school. Luckily, Nae is happy being single for now and has little crushes on people at work and stuff and the Red Head has me to sell his goods on here.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The boys on the surf team were in to Unwritten Law and used to play a few of the songs obsessively. Nae and I couldn’t drive at the time so we’d get rides to school after practice with the boys and it was there that I heard them and liked the songs they’d play on repeat so I got the CD and "Teenage Suicide" was one of the songs on there. That was a pretty rough song to hear at the time, but the killer for me was "Before I Go". Even though I didn’t really know Fabio and I had never met his brother, I just imagined what both of them had/were feeling and the song broke my heart.
Fast forward two years. I’m sitting at our dining room table trying to write my final paper ever for my AP English class when the phone rings. It’s this girl, who went to my high school and I had gone to grade school with; we used to be friends but ran in different groups once we got to MD. She was kinda crying I think when she said, “Noah has been shot; he’s dead.”
(When we were little Noah and I lived across the street from one another. We weren’t best friends, but we were close and did lots of stuff together. We had one of the only pools in the neighborhood so Noah and his brothers and sister would come over and swim. We also used to carpool together and I remember one day his parents couldn’t take us to school but I didn’t know that, my parents had left for work, and Noah and his older brother held me "hostage" because they didn’t want me to call my babysitter and ask her for a ride. I was sneaky and got to the phone though and I remember Noah’s big brother was pretty upset when a ride showed up to take us to school. Also, when we were in Kindergarten, Noah and I decided he should have a pool, too, so we spent an afternoon trying to dig one in his backyard. After grade school, Noah ended up at another local Catholic high school and I didn’t see him for nearly four years, until one afternoon when I went to pick up Nae from water polo, he was there running at the track. That had been earlier this same year and the last time I would see him.)
I started crying and said, “What are you talking about? That’s crazy.” The girl didn’t have any details so we hung up. I came outside where my Dad was watering the lawn or something and was hysterically crying at that point. He started yelling at me “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” He was worried that something had happened to my Mom or sister because neither was at home. I told him about Noah. I went inside and called my Mom at work and she said, “Listen, it’s just a rumor at this point, there are no facts, just pray that that’s what it is, a misunderstanding, a rumor.” So I prayed and prayed, but all the while thought “this probably isn’t a rumor, he’s probably dead, but why?” At this point it was still unclear that he had killed himself. I called my old friend Chiara, I think, it’s a little fuzzy how I got more details, but it was true. Noah was dead and he had done it to himself. After that, I had to drive over to our high school to pick up Nae from a swim meet. She could see that something was wrong and asked if she should drive me. She was probably thinking it was more drama to do with my loser exbf. When I told her about Noah, she burst in to tears. Nae was a pretty guarded and tough person at this time, I don’t think I had seen her cry in years, but here she was driving and crying and asking me to tell her about it. We finally heard from our other old neighbors that he had been upset or something and said he was going out, but he hadn’t really, he just got in his car. He ended up shooting himself in the driveway of his family’s house.
The next day at school I was a mess. His rosary service was that night and somehow they were able to fix him up so he could have an open casket. I just went briefly up to see him and all I could think was that he looked exactly like his older brother, the one who had held me "hostage" all those years ago. The funeral was the next day and I think his whole class came to the funeral. We were about a month from graduating.
I became pretty deeply depressed. I had never lost someone that I loved. My friends hadn’t either so they didn’t know how to handle it and just didn’t talk about it. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking about him. I remember writing him notes in my journal telling him how much he was missed and that I probably wasn’t the only one missing him this much and how I wish time could be turned back so he’d get a second chance to make the decision over again. I remember getting trashed the night before his birthday….I was at a concert with some friends and the loser exbf and I was underage. I passed out on the dance floor after busting some awesome dance moves, or so I’ve been told, I don’t remember dancing but I do remember laying on the ground. My friend Candy put me on a bar stool and told me not to move, of course I did. Some security guards found me and kicked me out. I threw up in some planters at Downtown Disney, just next to the "Happiest Place on Earth"- classy, I know. I also lost a thong and had to walk around with only one for the rest of the night. The next day me and some of the kids from our grade school class had a little graveside service for Noah. It was pretty painful to be at. I think for a good six months I was a mess because of it, but I tried to hide it from everyone. I still think about him now and I still visited his grave on his birthday and the day of his death when I lived in the area.
About a year and a half ago, I lost someone else to suicide. We called him Uncle B, but he wasn’t our uncle. As I got older, we used to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and I know that sounds creepy considering I called him Uncle, but it wasn’t. Everyone thought I had a crush on him when I was little so he’d call me girlfriend to tease me and in the end it was pretty weird when he started dating someone who was only a little bit older than I was. Uncle B was this larger than life guy. He had a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and he was an asshole when he was in a bad mood, but when he was in a good mood he was on fire. He used to come over to our house all the time for dinner, just unannounced and say, “What are we having?” Very often now when I’m watching TV or a movie, someone will say something or do something and it totally reminds me of Uncle B. He left behind 3 kids and an ex-wife who was his best friend. It was really sad going back home knowing he’d never barge in to our house again or yell over the fence to us and call us Rugrats. He’s someone I will always miss and never forget. I know his son is still hurting about the loss of his Dad, he’s only in high school and it’s a rough time for any kid, and I wish I could take away some of his pain so he didn’t have to handle such a heavy load on his own. From the reports his mom gives us, sometimes I’m afraid he’s drowning in this pain and I wish that I could be there to help him swim awhile longer til it stopped hurting so much.
Even just writing this has brought back all the hurt and sadness over losing these two guys and has me crying. It doesn’t really get better, you just learn to live with it.
Life hurts so bad
Don't want you sad
Just look back to
Good times we had
I'd give my soul for you I know
Want to hold you before I go
Before I go
I need you to know
I'm still alive in you
It's my time to go
Don't stay up late
I'm not afraid
And I don't want your heart to break
I know I've seen what's been unseen
Live fast, die young
It's part of me
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I think I already mentioned, last year I got him a surf lesson and a 4 wheel drive trip. The year before that we rented surf boards at Manly and just played around in the whitewash. Then we stayed in Sydney for the night at a hotel I thought was going to be nice, but was not at all. Then the next day we went and got facials and massages at an area of Sydney I thought was going to be nice, but wasn’t. At least the hotel where the spa was was nice and we still had a great weekend, anyway.
The year before that I found out that you could spend the night at the zoo and they’d give you behind the scene tours of the place. It was a pretty cold night, but it was an unforgettable experience. You show up and you are let in to this courtyard where they have tents all set up and a big picnic table. They provide dinner and it was bbq chicken and stuff, plus there was beer and wine. As you eat, they brought around a wombat and some other animals for everyone to pet. After dinner, we went on a night tour of the zoo. The views over to Sydney were stunning. When we got back, it was time for dessert and then bed. It was fairly cold and uncomfortable in the tent. If I remember correctly, S and I giggled cause we could hear someone in another tent snoring, but we managed to get some sleep. At about 6:45 you are woken up for breakfast. Then they brought out a koala and you could pat it and get your picture taken with it. Following that, we got to go back in to the animal area and see all of the animals waking up and being fed before the zoo was open to the public. We got to go in to the giraffe exhibit while they were still in their barn and feed them carrots for breakfast. There was one that S and I just had to feed, she was old and blind so she’d just come to the door, lower her head down and stick her tongue out waiting for someone to place a carrot in her mouth! Giraffe’s have huge, long purple tongues. She looked hilarious and drunk. It was so funny to watch her. Next, we were taken in to one of the kitchens and shown how and what they prepare for some of the animals to eat. After that, our tour was over but then we stayed at the zoo for the whole day checking out all the places we had missed on the tour or had only stopped briefly on and wanted to see more of. When we were ready to leave, we hopped in a sky bucket thing that takes you over some of the enclosures and gives another great view of Sydney and the Harbour and down to the ferry building. We do pretty fun stuff.
S and I are thinking we’ll have a backyard barbeque for him once Croc and the Teacher get back from their honeymoon. Only LC and Bob Marley have seen the house so it’ll be good to have everyone over. My backyard is huge so people can camp out back if they want and if not, at least we have a big space for people to hang out in. S’s parents have a bum fire can at their house that we can hopefully bring over. S hates that I call it a bum fire, but it’s exactly what it sounds like. Well, wait, you’re bum doesn’t catch on fire, so maybe not. But you know how in movies there are homeless people who are always standing around a trashcan that has it’s trash lit on fire? That’s what this is, an old, metal trash can that we throw some logs in and light up. So we stand around when it gets cold warming our hands, like bums in the movies do.
It’ll be for S’s birthday and it’ll be a BBQ but I’m hoping S agrees that it doesn’t have to be a proper Aussie BBQ. I hate proper Aussie BBQ’s. Here’s why, I thought Australia was known for it’s barbeque….Put another shrimp on the barbie and all that (which by the way, wrong, they call them prawns not shrimp) but they are soooo uncreative in their barbeques. We do it way better in America. If you are invited to an Aussie BBQ you will find 1) snags, sausages, and not good ones like you’d get back home, not even as good as cardboard, they taste funny and they are mostly made of breadcrumbs 2) rolls of bread with butter, they have hot dog buns here but no one uses them 3) An aussie salad- iceberg, tomato, tasty cheese, cucumber, and some onion 4) maybe pasta salad or a potato bake or some rissoles (like really gross homemade hamburgers or something). I could pretty much guarantee 99% if you were going to a bbq here that’s what you would get. Not steak or ribs or chicken or hamburgers or hot dogs or shish kabobs or any of the variety of stuff you’d get in California. I’m not a huge fan and we have A LOT of bbq’s in our group. I just normally try to bring something for myself, I don’t mind the bread or salad or whatever, but the meat really kills me. So I’m hoping S will let me do simple appetizers, hamburgers and chicken burgers with potato chips, and aussie salad for dinner, and cupcakes and marshmallows to roast on the fire for dessert. The group seemed to love the Mexican food and whatever else I made at the last party so hopefully they will like this, as well.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Ok, so obviously I enjoy eating and I also enjoy cooking and trying new recipes so I thought I’d start posting some of the recipes I really like. I’ll try and get pictures up, too.
The first recipe is for a raspberry crumble (I think it’s a crumble, and not a crisp, anyway, it’s fairly cheap to make and tasty). This is awesome with some vanilla ice cream or just by itself or sometimes I just like to make the topping and eat it either raw or baked on it’s own like a cookie. My Dad “gags” this one down; for the most part he and I live by the dessert philosophy that “If it isn’t chocolate, it isn’t dessert.”
Preheat the oven to 350F.
-4 cups/one box of frozen raspberries, I’ve never used fresh but they’d probably work too, and raspberries are the only fruit I’ve used but you can use whatever you like
-1/3 cup of granulated white sugar
-1/2 of lemon
-1 cup of flour, plus 3 tablespoons for tossing with raspberries
-1/2 stick of butter
-1/3 cup of brown sugar
-3/4 cup of quick cooking oats
-Some kind of baking dish
In a bowl toss about 4 cups of frozen raspberries (I just typically use whatever is in one box worth of frozen fruit from the store), that have been slightly defrosted with 1/3 cup of granulated white sugar and 3 tablespoons of flour.
Pour mixture in to an oiled baking dish.
Squirt a half of a lemon on top of the raspberries.
In a separate bowl, combine a half stick of softened butter, 1 cup of plain flour, ¾ cup of quick cooking oatmeal, and about 1/3 of a cup of brown sugar (it it doesn’t taste sweet enough, add more brown sugar, and if it doesn’t seem like there is enough butter, as in not all of the flour is getting “moist”, then cut in some more). You should cut the butter in to the flour, sugar, oatmeal mixture and it should be combined but a chunky mixture.
Cover the raspberries with the oatmeal crust mixture.
Throw it in to the oven for between 30-45 minutes, you’ll know it’s done when the top looks golden brown and you’ll more than likely see some of the raspberry mixture bubbling through the top.
Serve with vanilla ice cream on top, if you want, if not, it’s awesome on it’s own.
I know this doesn’t really seem like a super accurate recipe, but it’s sweet stuff, you can’t really go wrong with it. Sometimes I need to add more butter or more brown sugar or sometimes I forget the lemon. It’s an easy recipe and pretty hard to screw up.
Monday, March 23, 2009
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I was healthy and a decent weight in high school but since I graduated I’ve gained a bunch of weight. I think I just got lazy: I went from getting up at 5am 3 times a week to surf, plus surfing most afternoons, to eating all the time with the loser exbf and working fulltime, plus being a fulltime college student. If I lived back in Orange County and had a surfing buddy, like I had in Nae in high school, I would love to get back in to bodyboarding. Here I am deathly afraid of getting eaten by a shark. We’ve just had 3 attacks in 3 weeks in my state, so I don’t feel like I’m being irrational. I was able to lose a bunch of weight and got to go on the trip to Hawaii, but I’m embarrassed to say, I put it all right back on after the trip. Last year was a pretty stressful year trying to finish up and I just didn’t focus on my health at all. While I was back home, Dad bought me some Hydroxycut and it seemed to really work for the time I was taking it before S came to town. I am back to taking it now and it totally kills my appetite. This time it hasn’t killed my cravings though, I am trying to be good and for the most part am fighting them off on my own. I’m already down a few pounds this week, and some might be water weight, though I don’t know cause I have to drink between 8-10 glasses of water a day. S is also feeling chubby, he’s not, he’s normal, he’s just not toned, but this is good cause he wants to be more active. I live close to a lake so last weekend we did an hour and a half walk near the lake on one day and the other day we mowed my football field/jungle of a lawn and that took us about 2.5 hours. He is also going to get me a beach cruiser bike sometime soon so we can ride around the lake and down to the beach and stuff. Being outdoors doing fun stuff like that is my preferred method of working out, though it’d be nice to have a treadmill in my living room to just walk on while I watch TV. I’m here sitting around anyway, might as well make it healthy and I wouldn’t have to go like hardcore, just walking while I watch and burning some extra calories. S’s Dad has one that he’s not using anymore, but S makes a good point, as soon as we brought it over and had it, his Dad would get the urge to use it again. No one ever really grows out of being a toddler….MY Toy! Haha, oh well.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The night started out pretty drama filled. S was in charge of picking up the bridesmaids and taking them to the wedding venue. He has a classic car and so do Croc and the Soccer Player so those were to be the wedding cars. I got picked up by LC and Bob Marley. Our car drove and drove for forever following the Tom Tom’s directions. With 20 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start the Tom Tom said we had reached our destination: A dirt road and an old rickety fence. We were lost! We were so far out that none of us had any cell reception. I finally got one bar on my phone and called S and said we’re lost can you help us. He said, “Sorry, my wheel has fallen off my car, I can’t, I gotta go!” I let everyone in our car know and we laughed and felt really bad for S, but it did give us hope that we could maybe still find the venue in time. We came back out of nowhere, it took us nearly an hour, and Bob Marley was driving so fast and the road was pretty windy and I started to feel car sick. Bob Marley and LC were stressed and fighting the whole time back to the real venue. We finally pulled up to the place and saw the Teacher with her Dad and her classic car at the top of the venue’s driveway waiting for the bridesmaids and for S. They finally showed up and the wedding could begin. Croc and the Teacher both had the biggest smiles on their faces as she walked down the aisle towards him. Their vows were fairly simple and really nice. S said he would have similar vows when he got married. I had a big goofy grin on my face the whole time and tears in my eyes because I was so happy for them and was thinking about how great it would be to be the Teacher at that moment.
Poor S, all night long everyone teased him about his car. He felt so bad, not embarrassed by it, but just disappointed that he had let his good friends down. They weren’t mad about it; they were actually really nice about it and didn’t make it seem like it was a big deal. Every speech through the night had to mention the incident. It got a little bit old, but S expected it and knows he’ll be hearing about it for the rest of his life.
I didn’t drink; I’ve just been over drinking for the last 6 months. I was probably a little boring, but oh well. I had a fun night just hanging out with our friends and being bitchy, as always, with the Runner, LC, and Tinkerbell. They had 2 musicians who were playing and people danced about. I’m not a dancer so I told S to ask the Hairdresser, since her husband was in the wedding and she was solo most of the night, or to ask LC or the Runner since their boyfriends don’t really dance, but he wasn’t in the mood to dance either.
The Smooth Talker was in fine form last night. This older waitress had the hots for him and he used it to his full advantage. She came over and called him a handful when he was teasing me and S and throwing potatoes on our plates, but he had her eating out of his hands the whole night. He wanted an extra dessert so he asked her and he was the only guest the whole night who got an extra piece brought out from the kitchen. Lots of the other boys wanted second pieces but they had to suck it up or steal it from someone else’s seat. The waitress hovered over Smooth Talker’s table the whole night and the Runner just laughed about it. At the end of the night Smooth Talker went in to the kitchen of the banquet hall, even though the sign clearly said “No Admittance” to find the waitress. He got her to come out and take a few pics with him and then with him and the Runner. He even asked her for a kiss before he left (just jokingly though) and she laughed and shot him down.
S didn’t realize how drunk he was last night and now he’s totally feeling it! I always get like sympathy queasiness and headaches with him; it totally stinks. We are sitting on the couch watching crappy Sunday daytime TV and contemplating going to get some food because I have nothing in my cupboards or fridge right now.
Anyway, Croc and the Teacher know how to put on a good party and I think everyone had a lot of fun. Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Dundee!
I spent the night at LC’s, all the boys were out camping for Croc’s bachelor (or buck’s) party. The next day was my 25th birthday. Time for a quarter life crisis! I woke up early, not feeling well, like I had a hangover but I knew it wasn’t one as I had only had like 4 drinks over the course of the whole day. LC woke up right before S came to pick me up. He got special permission from Croc to bow out a little bit early to spend the day with me. Unfortunately, we had a lot of boring errands to run for most of it. I ended up baking myself a cake while S slept off the weekend. He took me out to our favorite Italian food place and then he came back and set up my wireless internet and tried to fix my TV. He got me a funny book- funny because it’s called Homework for GrownUps, and it’s like everything you learned at school but forgot and I am constantly asking S dumb questions that he thinks I should know the answer to as an adult and as a teacher of young children. I am also maybe getting a beach cruiser bike from him after his next pay check so we can go for beach and lake rides.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Croc Dundee: A funny, loud guy. The center of attention. Would do anything for his friends. The first night I met him I jumped in to his freezing cold pool naked on a dare and super drunk. He makes you feel safe in unsafe situations, like he knows what he is doing. He has been dating the Teacher for about two years now and they are about to get married! Croc has also lost a crap load of weight in the last year or so and looks amazing these days.
The Teacher: A really nice girl. She also seems like she would do anything for her friends. Not whom I would have first imagined Croc with, but they just work together and seem to have fun. She gives good teaching advice, is easy to talk to, and is a really funny drunk. I’m jealous that she gets to get married before I do!
The Soccer Player: Can drink you under the table, tells some funny tall tales, was part of the dare to get me naked that first night when S was passed out-to get out of paying me, he jumped in naked, too, is a nice guy and married to the nicest girl I know-the Hairdresser
The Hairdresser: I was afraid of the Hairdresser the first time I met her because the night before meeting her was the night her fiancé (at the time) and I had jumped in the pool naked together, not like touching, but he had drunkenly seen me naked and I saw a tall nakey silhouette of him. The Hairdresser has never spoken a single bad word against any of her friends that I have heard, she is also a really great listener, her favorite phrase is “How funny” and she loves to drink and laugh and have a good time. She is also a really really hard worker and owns her own business, which I think is legit for someone my age.
The Farmer: A really sweet and quiet guy. He adores his wife, Tinkerbell, and Baby, we’ll call him Junior since he and the Farmer have the same name. He is so nice to them and seems like an awesome Dad when you watch him with Junior. He’s really proud of the little guy already. He has the best laugh and the best dance skills once you get him going!
Tinkerbell: She just had Junior not even a year ago and she has the most banging body again. I haven’t had a kid yet and she’s got a body 100x better than mine. She was really intimidating, at first, cause she’s the alpha female of the group-all the guys have known her since they were kids, so I was nervous around her wanting to make a good impression. She is sassy and funny and I love when she laughs at the random things I say. She is also a very funny drunk and she loves to go out dancing and it is funny to see her drunk with her sisters cause they all start dancing.
The Smooth Talker: The Smooth Talker doesn’t hang out very often. He is a very funny guy and really cute, all the girls have little crushes on him. I think it’s because he lives up to his name, he is definitely a smooth talker, he makes you feel good and important and like the only person in the room when you are talking. It is a nice feeling. He is also one funny guy. He was the only one to show up for the impromptu surprise birthday lunch S threw for me last year (awkward for Smooth Talker for sure, but he played it off nicely)! (Great planning on S’s part by the way-he messaged everyone that morning to come to lunch-lots of our friends work on Saturdays, but still a sweet thought) He dates The Runner, who also doesn’t hang often, but is so bitchy and funny, she holds a special place in my heart.
The Runner: Gorgeous, always laughs at herself for being so tall, was on the Australian running team and won a medal (am I wrong?) at the Commonwealth Games the last time they were held, is bitchy, bitingly funny, and gives awesome advice and good perspective on things, she is also like her boyfriend in that she makes you feel special and important when she is talking to you, we’re supposed to start working out together-intimidating! I’ll be huffing and puffing and she’ll be running laps around me!
Bob Marley: Bob Marley is a quiet guy, too, that’s why he and the Farmer get along so well I think. He is nice and I always used to be worried that he didn’t like me hanging out with LC. I like when I can make him laugh, or smirk is more like it, because normally he is so mellow. He is about to be a daddy for the first time and I think is totally stressed over that, but has made some big changes in his life for LC and the little bundle of joy and I think that is nice and responsible of him to do.
LC: My best friend in the group. Originally wanted to get to know me because I was from the OC. She is hilarious and bitchy, I call her the HBIC sometimes (the head bitch in charge). I’m glad that she decided she wanted to be friends. I accidentally cast a spell on her that made her get pregnant on a trip a way, I said jokingly that they would go away and she would get knocked up, then when she got back and before we knew she had someone growing in her, I got her really drunk on margaritas at my Mexican party. I’m an awful friend. I’m sorry LC and I’m glad we are still friends!
Those are the key players, there are other friends who we see with the group sometimes, but most weekends these are the people you can find me and S hanging out with. Next time I talk about them, I’ll have to talk about some of the adventures we’ve been on together.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
In the mean time, all that money from Mom and Dad for graduation was quickly trickling away. I had to pay nearly $4000 Australian upfront for my house because my old property management company didn’t have my file anymore and I was considered a person without rental history, and therefore risky to rent to. Then I had to buy a refrigerator and washing machine and there went another $1600. All this time I had been trying to contact the Department of Education to see if there were things outstanding from my file that would keep me from getting my teaching number. They were so slow to email me back, like 5 days slow to say yes, we need this thing. Then another 5 days to say yes, we got it. So here it is a month and a half later and I am still waiting for my number. I thought I would’ve worked plenty of days as a substitute by now, instead I’ve been sitting on my ass, lonely, missing home, and worried about money and bills that will be coming up. I talked to the Department yesterday and apparently they have everything they need now and will get me my teaching number by Friday. Which didn't happen, they took another week before I got my teaching number. It was such a frustrating experience and I felt like they were really jerking me around. I was finally able to go out and put in resumes at local schools yesterday so now I am just waiting for phone calls for days of work.
Mom took me to the airport, there wasn’t really room in the car for Dad and it’s not really his thing, good byes and crying and all that. My bags just barely made the weight limit. I had 3 carry-ons though. Mom and I stood and hugged and cried for ages. We both agreed that it felt different this time, more final, because now I wasn’t going back for school, now I was going back to live and it could be permanent if S and I decided to get married and I didn’t come home after my work and travel year-long visa had run out. We finally let go and I tried to get through security but the lady was a Bitch and said no. So I stuffed everything in to two bags, plus carried a bunch of books and my computer in my arms, she said no again. We ran to a souvenir shop and got me a new carryon back that was bigger and I layered clothes on. I finally made it through and sweated all the way to my gate. I got lucky on the flight and got the bulk head with an empty seat between me and a very chatty born-again Christian. I thought I was going to die if I had to hear about “my own personal Jesus” anymore or relationship advice so I took a bunch of sleeping pills, put on my eye mask and passed out.
Nae and I took a road trip down to see our grandparents and old neighbors, who are also like an aunt/cousins to us, just before I flew back here. This was like the closest I’ve felt to my sister in a long time. Actually, the whole time I was back was. She seemed so happy and accepting of me and our family. Not that we were suddenly without fault, but she decided to love us no matter what and when it got boring/irritating she had the option of peacing out and going back to her own place. Our road trip was fun, we just talked and laughed and sang. I respect her opinion and her advice on things that go on in my life. The 5 through the farmland is a pretty boring drive, but we flew along. We were dancing up a storm in our seats to this mix tape (mix CD doesn’t sound as cool) I had made for the surf shop years ago of all classic rock songs. The truckers must have loved it when we passed them dancing and singing so loudly!
My sister has her own group of really great girlfriends where she lives, they are like her second family. She said she had to create a new one when she moved up there as she was all alone. I feel like today, maybe even if she still wouldn’t call me one of her best friends, she would call me a good friend and stuff in the past is just in the past now. I could be totally wrong? Haha. Sorry this post is just me rambling and doesn't really flow. I was just thinking about her and this is what came out. Whatever she and I have right now, I love it and I love her. Heaps Smoochies ;)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
It was there that Mom and Dad sprung their attack: What were we doing with ourselves? Were we moving in together? Why don’t we get married? What does the future hold?
S was so uncomfortable, his parents never ask about stuff and would never call him out. It was kind of embarrassing at the time, but stuff I think S needed to hear. They really like him; they want us to be together if that’s what makes us happy. So here S is getting it both from me and my parents, sounds like a fun trip for a guy right?? Oh well, four years of dating and we’re both 25 now, well he’ll be 26 soon, and people start talking and wondering. It happened, I wouldn’t change it, though I’m sorry he was upset by it and so are my parents. They didn’t like having to say what they did, but they also want to protect me from getting hurt and also thought it was time for some action on his part. They know S’s heart is in the right place, they just also want to make sure my needs are being met.
A few days later Mom and I took S to the airport. We jumped around and I sang to him and called out things and were generally embarrassing to him as he went through security, but it also lightened the mood of him leaving and was fun. Even Mom was being and idiot with me and it made us laugh so hard.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
We heard the coyotes in the field behind our house as we sat out by the pool and it was a really eerie sound. R's boyfriend, Emo, said it sounded like they were trying to tempt a dog away from its yard. J or R said this had happened with her dogs when she lived at home at her parents house up in the mountains. What happens is coyotes, like wolves, will send in a female in heat to attract a regular dog to follow it or they will send one coyote out to play with the dog, like "look at how much fun we're having" before running away and getting the dog to follow it. The single coyote then leads the dog back to the pack of coyotes where it gets eaten. R or J, I'm fuzzy on which sister it was said a coyote charmed her dogs and the next thing she knew they were off, in the middle of the day, chasing after it. She had to run barefoot across the property to try and get them. I think she said she ended up with a ton of thorns in her feet.
S must have hit the bottle hard, cause he was up at 3am puking in the garden. He had fun the next day watching the Rose Bowl with all the guys and learning the rules of American football. In the morning, we all took a walk down to the beach (like 15 of us) and we joked we must look like a big Mormon family or people from a commune.
Everyone left on the morning of Dad’s birthday and I was really sad to see them go, especially my godparents. I feel like I don’t see them or my godsisters enough and we grew up together, seeing each other probably a few times a month. I don’t know, I had tears in my eyes when I hugged them good bye. I hate that a whole year goes by between seeing them. They and Glen and his wife, Barbie (in a cute way, she wears all pink all the time) are like my aunts and uncles and their kids, our cousins, because Nae and I only have two uncles, no aunts, and no cousins in our real family.
We took Dad to see Gran Torino for his birthday present as he is a big Clint Eastwood fan. I was blown away by it. Lots of people didn’t like it, but it hit me right in the gut. We then went out to dinner at this seafood place at Moss Landing and watched the sea lions on the pier for a whole .5 seconds before it got too cold to be outside.
S had a good time back at Nae’s house, hanging with her and her roommate, the Camp Counselor. Camp Counselor is a girl, who like my sister, would be perfect for S’s little brother, D. CC likes to drink, is social, and seems to me from the few times I’ve met her to be an all around fun type of person. We just chatted her up and got sucked in to the Secrets show (so cheesey and awesome) and she was getting death stares from Nae the whole time when she threatened to spill secrets about Nae that she didn't want her big sister hearing.
Oh yeah, I haven’t mentioned it before, but D and Nae are like the same person just in different sexed bodies living across the world: their humor, the way they tease, the way they think and act, their interests, etc. It is cool to see them together because they just naturally worked together. Our trip to Hawaii wasn't awkward cause they could hang out and do their own thing together at times. They both like a little bit of space from their families and so one day while S and I and both sets of parents went out to lunch, Nae and D hit up the beach together instead.
Maybe one day a double wedding will be on the books for Lil D& S and Nae&D??
Also, a raccoon came to the door at Nae’s place to eat Mod and Sparticus’ cat food. I think that might have been S's first encounter with one so he was stoked.
Monday, March 16, 2009
S came in to town, to
I had hoped to get a job at the local Target until S arrived. I applied the day after I got back. I got a rejection letter from them. Me, who already had experience working there. Me, who had a freakin college degree. I couldn’t get a job at Target! So I applied other places. Nobody called me back so I didn’t work before S came out, I had only a few hundred dollars (like 4?) in my account for Christmas presents, travels while S was here, and money to take back to Oz with me. It wasn’t looking good.
It was really nice to spend the time with my Dad everyday though. We lived at the movies, walking, treasure hunting, and at the dollar store! They have the best chain Mexican fast food place up there, Super Taqueria, I love that place.
It was a pretty stressful time for my parents. They had just moved for my Mom’s work, my Dad had retired for it, then there was rumblings that she was going to get laid off. She was freaking out. She eventually did get laid off, after Christmas, along with a boat load of other people, but she’s managed to get by and find work again so it’s turned out ok.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Hungry Jacks (Burger King in the U.S.) we went to is attached to the biggest movie theater in Sydney and it’s where they do all their movie premieres. There were tons of people lined up waiting for movie stars, even though they wouldn’t be there for hours. We wondered who they were waiting for, until we saw the signs: Zac I love you! Go WildCats! We had just stumbled upon a preteen gay boy’s wetdream: The High School Musical 3 Premiere. When we got back from lunch and were in our room, we could look down to the theater entrance. We think we saw a tiny Zac (whom by the way S and I call Vas Deferens because it makes me laugh and sounds similar, look it up) and Baby V waving to the camera.
I couldn’t even get my high heel on for dinner so I wore thongs to Malaya and we took a cab cause I was straight up hobbling at this point. Our hotel room was a studio apartment so it had pots and pans and stuff. I filled up a pan with cold water and tried to get ice (the hotel didn’t have ice or ice machines anywhere, WTF?) to put in it and soaked my foot for an hour before bed. I also put some toothpaste on it cause I had read online (hah) that that was supposed to help the pain. It kinda did? The next morning we woke up, grabbed a coffee, then said our goodbyes for 6 weeks while everyone was rushing passed us on a busy Sydney street trying to get to work. Of course I was crying. People probably felt sorry for me like “Who is this D-bag breaking up with his chick on a Tuesday morning in rush hour?” I made S laugh by telling him not only did people probably think he was a dick for breaking up with me in public, but he was a double dick for breaking up with in public a girl they probably through was crippled, once they saw me limping away from him!
Not gonna lie, the foot looked like a sausage and I thought it might explode and kill me on the plane ride home. Luckily it wasn’t too crowded and I got an empty seat next to me. I took an antihistamine and that didn’t make me sleepy so then I took some sleeping pills and passed out. The foot looked better in the morning but I still was a little hobbley.
Over the next few weeks, I got my Teacher Research Project done and had to present a portfolio to a professor and a peer justifying to them how I had achieved all of the teaching standards for NSW.
When that was all said and done, I threw myself a Mexican/Halloween/Graduation party at S’s house. It was a good night, I got most everyone super drunk ( I was still over drinking after throwing up on the train) and we had good food and a piñata and most people dressed up as a Mexican or at least Australia’s version of a Mexican or in some type of Halloween outfit. S was a cholo and I was a chola. I found a video on Youtube that was about applying makeup like a chola (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR0PykHTYY) so I tried to follow it but I have no skills and it ended up looking pretty funny. I got a sharpie and drew “Thug Life” acrossed S’s knuckles, a heart that said Madre on it, and another tattoo on his arm or chest that said Brown Pride. He also had been growing a beard/mo combo for awhile and he shaved off the beard and came out looking sooooo dirty with just the mo!
I a) couldn’t afford to keep my room while I went back home and b) had decided I wanted to live on the Coast closer to S and c)wanted to try living on my own again so I moved out of Benny Boy’s apartment in November and made my way home to California.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
S and I had a fun year. We went horseback riding and did some cave exploring in the Blue Mountains for my birthday. We stopped in Penrith for Pizza Hut and ate it in the parking lot and this has become known as our “spot” It’s a big joke though as Penrith is a few hours from here and one of the biggest holes in the world. But when we are stressed I say, “Hey S, let’s hit up our spot” We haven’t gone back yet.
S’s birthday is right after mine and I got him a surf lesson since he had so much fun in Kauai doing it and then we went for a 4 wheel drive trip around the Stockton Dunes. Our driver said he’s seen Great White Sharks from his car in the surf line there. We saw some kind of big eagle on one of the dunes and we got to go sand boarding. It’s like snowboarding, but on your butt and on sand rather than snow, and then you have to hike all the way back up the dune yourself.
We also did a 2 night trip to Hawk’s Nest, in Port Stephens, and that was a nice, relaxing time away. It was getting to be winter so hardly anyone was there. We just went for long walks on the beach and ate good food and chilled out. It was good to get away as S is always stressed about work and I was stressing about the next 6 months and doing internship, interviews, and senior projects, as well as a mini senior thesis.
I had a garage sale when I got home and made bank. The house was looking really good, I thought, after my friend Chiara, from grade school had helped me with some new bedding and stuff to freshen up the inside.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I moved in with a girl, A, whom I didn’t really know, but had met a few times as she had worked with S and was friends with his friends from the movies. She was a really nice and really quiet girl. You would describe her as sweet, in a good way. I knew we could get along at least reasonably well because we both liked the same music!
Everyone knows I’m a freak about the bathroom (like I can’t go in public, won’t go if anyone’s home, etc.) so A was nice enough to let me have the bigger room with the ensuite so that I would feel more comfortable and not have to plan bathroom trips. Believe, if I'm staying at S's or at a hotel, that shit (literally) is planned.
For the most part we got on. We didn’t become best friends, but we didn’t fight or anything either. She had a boyfriend, J, who had started to move in with us or at least that's what it felt like to me and I wasn’t comfortable with that, but could also understand that to them it wasn’t a big deal and truthfully, if S had lived near by, he probably would’ve stayed over quite a bit, too, and I wouldn’t have seen that as a big deal, either (when the shoe’s on the other foot, right?). They were in love and wanted to spend all their free time together and he still lived at home so of course, it made sense to hang at our place. I just hadn’t signed up for having 2 roommates so they were cool enough to respect that. It was not a huge surprise at the end of our year together when she wanted to move out with J, but it wasn’t done on bad terms or anything. I was bummed, but it made sense that they would live together as their relationship had reached that point. So we thought out apartment was sold and they’d find a new place and I’d find a new place/roommate. They ended up getting to keep the apartment, and I moved one floor up in the same building in the end.
At this point for school, I had to get out in to schools and start practice teaching. I was so nervous and I generally hate new things but it ended up going ok. I also had started to make friends at school (as in uni ;) ). The one I was closest to was T and she and I were bitchy and entertained ourselves by making fun of other people from our classes. I was also hanging out with S’s friends from high school a lot, but I’ll talk about them more later as they are all characters and deserve their own post.
I went back over the Californian summer and we took an awesome family trip to Mexico. We rented a house a few hours outside of Puerto Vallarta and we had the best time, eating, exploring, swimming, and laying at.
My parents loved S from the time they had spent with him and we had been dating for two and a half years at this point so they could see we were pretty serious. They really wanted to meet S’s parents and brother as they had heard so much about them and knew they had to be nice for letting me live with them when I needed to. I was doing this weight loss challenge from Mom and Dad then with the prize being a trip to Hawaii if I lost the weight. I didn’t lose as much as I had planned, but I got myself pretty healthy and lost quite a bit for doing it all on my own. Mom and Dad invited S’s family to come to Hawaii with us. S’s Dad wasn’t really in to the idea, S’s brother D said he hated America, and S’s Mom was all for it. S’s Dad and brother eventually came around and we set the trip for after the New Year.
I missed Thanksgiving for the first time ever because I had another round of practice teaching that week. I went home after it was over and this time, S wouldn’t be around for Christmas.
I worked for my parents, helping them to clean out their house as they were getting ready to move to Santa Cruz for my Mom’s work. I didn’t think that that would be the last time I’d be in my childhood home, I thought the housing market was slowing down and they’d be there for at least another six months, but I was wrong and never did get to go back to that house after I left then.