This is the First Day of My Life Part 2 and Other Updates

After nearly 6 weeks of being back in California, MOTH and I fly out for Aus again on Thursday.  I know for some expats coming to the States is a jarring experience and they can't wait to get back to their new home country.  Not so for me- the pull of California grows stronger every time I come back.  Nae and her boyfriend PB&J leave today for 30 fun hours of flying to South Africa- it makes our "long haul" trip back to Australia seem puny in comparison!

A minor technicality:  MOTH and I are actually not legally married yet.  That was a fun surprise to read in the mail last week!  There was a problem in how the marriage license was filled out and we got a letter last week letting us know it had been rejected.  We are so pissed at our wedding coordinator for not looking the form over before turning it in because she had said to us a few times that she would handle the paperwork after we stressed to her that our officiant, my godfather, had never performed a wedding before.  Consequently, when I went to get my new drivers license yesterday, I wasn't able to update to my married name so I am still Dana Old Last Name whereas I was hoping to be Dana Old Last Name New Last Name (no hyphen).

Oh, and by the way, I don't know about this whole being married thing anyway.  It seems so serious!  And referring to MOTH as my husband makes me want to throw up.  We have a family friend who is in her early 20s and she said she couldn't wait to call her husband her husband, but for me, I think I'd prefer to call MOTH my Boyfriend Who I Married.  I'm all for being with the guy forever and ever, amen, but I just hate the more serious title.  I never used "fiance" unless I thought I could get a deal or a freebie out of saying it and I don't want to now have to start using the word husband.

Obviously I really love MOTH and I really want to be married to him but I think this is all coming to the surface because MOTH is staring 30 square in the face and I'm not long behind him and I'm starting to worry about getting old and all the responsibility that comes with that. So being married is actually great but what being married means in relation to what stage I am at in life is pretty fucking terrifying. I can't be the only one who has felt that way, right?

I guess it was pretty timely then, when while on our honeymoon, MOTH and I met a couple who was celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary and they gave us some advice- they have 3 kids and 4 grandkids and they said the key to it all is to never get old, just keep having fun and acting young and you will be.  And I think they are on to something because about two weeks before our wedding, my parents celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary and I think part of the reason they've made it last for so long is that they follow that couple's advice, too, and haven't let themselves get old: just two days ago, we all went to the annual Bridge School Benefit and my parents totally rocked out to Jack White and Guns N Roses! I hope we're that cool at 60.

So to recap for the too long, didn't read crowd:  I'm unofficially married and afraid of getting old, but I've been told that as long as I don't act old I won't be old.  Here are some recent pictures to prove that I probably won't have any trouble with that:

 The Scorpion Bowl at my Bachelorette Party. LC asked them to make it extra strong for me and boy did I feel it the next day.  I couldn't even get any of my wedding related chores done and only really recovered in time for the Rehearsal Dinner!

 I wore wedges for the ceremony but after that I slipped in to some Cons to dance the night away in!

MOTH and I stayed at a cabin just down the street from my parents' place for a few nights after the wedding.  On our last morning, my family came to pick us up and we played in the kids play area for awhile. Here's a picture of me and my Dad having some fun!

This Is the First Day of My Life

On September 29th, after a 2 and a half year engagement, we finally did it!  We just got back from our honeymoon in Mexico yesterday and I now have about a week left with my sister before she and her boyfriend head back to South Africa and MOTH and I have 10 days left with my parents.  I will try and update more soon, but for now here is a sneak peek of the day:

This Winter is Lasting Forever, At Least for Tonight

Brrrrr!  Man oh man has it gotten chilly down here within the past few weeks!  It makes for a refreshing time standing on the train platform at 6:45 each morning.  Even after 7.5 years here, it still seems crazy to be this cold in July.  Everyone from back home is posting about beach days and their 4th of July plans and it makes me crazy jealous, but life around here is going well.

MOTH and I have been having some fairly mellow weekends.  We have become obsessed with this tv show, Sons of Anarchy.  We got through the first two seasons in two weekends so I told him we needed to take a break from it or we'd be all caught up to season 5, the current one, in no time.  We now have said we'll watch one season in July, one in August, then save one for the honeymoon in October. Have you guys seen this show?  It's about a fictional motorcycle club in Northern California.  I love the characters and the plotlines are always super intense.  My sister said she's been hooked on it since the beginning but I don't remember ever hearing about it before.  Anyway, it's one I'd definitely recommend.

We're lucky because our little house has a combustion stove heater and we've got a firewood connection by way of Steve's great uncle so nights when we are home early enough and on weekends we get it going and it makes the house so warm and cozy.  We pull out camping mattresses and eat dinner and watch Sons on my laptop in front of it.  I was home sick today from work-had the worst headache all weekend and thought I was getting a cold-and MOTH will be home early so I'm hoping he'll get the fire going for us because my nose is freezing right now.

We're back to eating low carb through the week as it's the only thing that really seems to help us shed the weight.  Dieting through winter sucks as all I want to do is eat comfort food!  But hopefully it'll pay off with a couple less pounds on the both of us in time for the wedding at the end of September.  If anyone has any low carb sites to recommend or any recipes to share, I'd appreciate it!

Friday was the 3 month to go mark....eeeee!!!  We're both really nervous but comfortable enough to say that to each other and we're both really, really excited.  The budget is a hot mess.  It's about 3x more than I had originally hoped to spend, BUT we can afford it, nothing is going on credit or anything.  It's just we were hoping to keep things low key and cheap.  The day will still be low key and no one will be able to tell we spent as much as we have because it's all going in to boring infrastructure type stuff...bringing in fancy portapotties, heating, lighting, hiring a shuttle since there's no parking, etc, etc.  Oh well, on the day I think we'll feel it was all worth it to have a really fun party with a lot of the people who mean the world to us.

We've sent out the invites over the past two weeks and it's been super exciting to get RSVPs back already.  So far there's only been yeses and I can't wait to get the full picture of who can make it and who can't. It's been a good mixture of people who have responded- my old surf coach and his wife, an old family friend, a neighbor, a bridesmaid, some people who live within 20 minutes drive of the venue, some who will have to drive 6 hours, some who will have to fly 15.  Let me tell you, there is probably nothing more flattering in life than having these wonderful people willing to give their time and their money to come share our special day with us.

The whole registry thing is really throwing us.  I've always thought doing the whole scanner gun thing that you see in movies looks fun but most people here do wishing wells where they straight up ask for money.  It's just a different cultural thing and I've told my friends here that that would go over like a lead balloon in the States, although in our situation money really would be easiest.  Because wishing wells are so popular here, no home stores or department stores have really set up registry systems and because we will have limit luggage space, we can't exactly register for a bunch of stuff back in California.  We finally found that a large department store called David Jones does do registries, but the system is a bit clunky- our guests can check our list and then they email DJ's their top 3 gift preferences (wtf?  I guess it doesn't get updated daily so their first pick might've already been bought) and then someone will email them back to tell them what gift they can buy and then they email back their credit card details.  And for the luxury of having this clunky system, they also have to pay $14 for registry upkeep and shipping and whatnot I guess.  I hope, if people want to give us a gift, they skip the hassle of this system and give us money as we will then go buy homegoods with them or put it towards our trip to visit Nae in South Africa next year, but Mom says some people just really, really like to give tangible gifts.  We'll be pleased with anything we do get.

Work has slowed down and gone in to this kind of groove that I'm getting the hang of.  In other words, I didn't sink!  Now that I'm in the groove though, it's nearly time for the whole process to start again and for us to start gearing up for the next intake of students.  Luckily this next semester will only be 70 students from two different schools as compared to the 160 students from 8 different programs we had in this round.  Because I know what to expect as far as work flow leading up to the next groups' arrivals, I feel much better prepared to handle it.  I think I'm doing a decent job and I like the women I work with.  Tomorrow I have my 3 month review and I think it will go well.  I have a list of things I feel I could've improved on from the last intake and a list of things I think I did well in.

With all that being said, MOTH is now home and it's time for me to warm my fingers and toes in front of the fire.  Good night!

I Wake Up Exhausted, It's Not Morning

So no posts for a month and a half from me.  The first three weeks of that time I was probably just lazy or didn't have much to say but then we had this planning meeting at work and I don't think I've had a lunch break since that day.  I've been going in early or staying back late or both most days.  Some days I've been in at 8am and not left til 7 or 8pm and with a nearly two hour commute on either side of my day I've just been dead on my feet.  I thought at the start of the job when I wasn't getting home until 715 that I didn't have a life, but for the past few weeks I've been home at 9 and I walk in the door, have a Lean Cuisine, take a shower, and pass out.

This craziness should pass in about a week and a half and then it'll go back to "normal"-aka 12.5 hour days instead of 14-15 hour days.  We have about 150 students who have arrived or who are arriving shortly and all the work that goes in to getting them here and settled is incredible.  Tomorrow (Saturday) I'm up at 5am to drive to Sydney and go on an all day field trip to Featherdale Wildlife Park and the Blue Mountains.  It should be fun, but it's a long day.  The people I work with are all nice and helpful and have made me feel comfortable. I feel bad any time I make a mistake because even though we aren't saving lives, they are taken pretty seriously and with my long days and lack of sleep and stress, I've been making a few of them.  I hate that!  I like to be the best at whatever I do.

Last week, LC got married and I was in her wedding.  When I was at my old job, I had originally planned to take the Friday off and do wedding prep stuff with her.  With all the kids arriving right now, I told her I couldn't take the day off.  Because I had worked so long on the other days last week, I thought for sure I'd be able to take off by 4-4:30 and spend her last night as a single girl with her, but just as I was hoping to leave a bunch of work got dumped on my desk.  I couldn't help it, I went outside and cried.  I called her and explained the situation and she understood (good friend) but I felt like such a bad bridesmaid.  I don't mind working back or coming in early most days because I know stuff needs to get done, but that day I had just had enough.  I ended up being at work until 7 and then when I got to the our home train station our car battery was dead so I didn't get home until 10:30 that night.

Trying to plan a wedding and taking on this new job is hard.  There has been no wedding planning.  In 4 days, we will be 4 months out from the wedding-I should be planning.  I'm not sure this was the right time in my life to take this job.  I had this feeling in my gut that it wasn't the right time, but I didn't want to disappoint my parents. At 28, I still want to be their good, responsible kid.  I chide MOTH for being the same way, but at the end of the day, letting them down kills me.  The job is fine and I'll like it lots more when it calms down a bit, that's not what I'm saying, but the timing of it is off.  I guess it's sink or swim time and I'm doggy paddling my hardest.  The rescue ship is in sight and I'm sure I'll be fine.

This probably reads like a drunk person wrote it and I'm sorry if my thoughts have jumped around from this to that or if I haven't really explained myself coherently or in detail.  I'm too tired to be writing at the moment, but I wanted to update the blog so you knew what had been going on.  It probably sounds like I'm having a big whinge, which I kindof am, but I'm just still trying to adjust to this new lifestyle.  We talk to the kids at orientation about culture shock and I've gone through Aussie culture shock here plenty of times and reverse culture shock when I go back to California and I guess this is a version of culture shock- commuter lifestyle culture shock.  Hey, only 15,000 more train rides until retirement!

Don't Let Your Inhibitions Guide Your Way (Update)

I started reading back through the blog last night and it was a lot of fun.  There were things from last year and the year before that I had completely forgotten about and reading about them again made me laugh and smile.  One of the posts I came across was my 30 before 30 list.  When I posted, I had 4.5 years to complete the list, now I have less than 2.  I just wanted to post to let you guys know how I'm tracking.


1. Get married. (I'm engaged so well on my way to this one-September 2012)

2. Find steady employment.

3. Lose weight, I won't specify a number, but it's intimidating.  I started Weight Watchers this past Monday, hopefully that does the trick.

4. Travel to South Africa.  We were hoping to do this next year, but it might have to wait another 6 months-year since we now may have plans to travel to CA next summer instead (see below in travel to Julian goal)

5. Finally travel to Melbourne.

6. Finally travel to the Gold Coast.

7. Visit 2 new states in the U.S.

8. Paddle an Outrigger Canoe.  We did Stand Up Paddleboarding in Kauai last year which was pretty similar and Super awesome.

9. Save enough money for a down payment on a house. Maybe after the wedding?

10. Buy starter and learn how to make really good San Francisco style sourdough bread.  I researched this and didn't find anyone in Australia that had the starter, but I should look again, as this place near wear sells San Francisco sourdough.  I bought my first loaf this week and MOTH and I are hooked, it truly is SF sourdough!

11. Learn how to make my own barbeque sauce.

12. Attempt to make mozzarella cheese at home.

13. See a movie at a drive in theater.

14. Keep this blog going for at least another 2 years.

15. Do the majority of my shopping at farmers markets and try and eat more locally grown foods and foods that are actually in season for where I live. Only eat chicken that has been ethically raised.    I did this for a long time, but our farmers market is really expensive and doesn't have a whole lot of product, plus there isn't a ton of organic produce and a lot of the produce is already bagged and looks like the sellers went to the grocery store the night before, bought the stuff, and then were trying to pass it off as locally grown.  We do only buy organic chicken and milk these days and as much organic produce as we can.

16. Go on a long bike ride along the CA coast.

17. Buy a beach cruiser.  MOTH got me one for Christmas 2011

18. Go camping more often. Camp in the mountains near Julian again, like we used to every Memorial Day Weekend growing up.  I camped twice last year, that's gotta count as more, right? From zero to two?

19. Plant a fruit and vegetable garden, maintain, and harvest it.   Have done this, or attempted to do this, the last two years.  We've planted, we've maintained- there hasn't been a whole lot to plant as our soil wasn't very good at the last place we lived at and we had a super wet summer that killed everything off just as they should have been fruiting.

20. Get a dog (or 3, plus a cat, some chickens, a goat, and one of those little teacup pigs).  We were so close to this one, but with our commute, I don't think it's fair to leave a dog here by itself for 13 hours a day.

21. Read Michael Pollan's 4 books: In Defense of Food, The Omnivore's Dilemna (I'm halfway through this one), Food Rules and the Botany of Desire.

22. Smoke pot, but only if it becomes legal in California! (Seriously, how did I get through high school without ever trying it? I'm a good girl is how!)     It didn't get legalized

23. Go on a whale watching trip in Monterey Bay.

24. Visit Julian and my God Parents again.   This should happen next August as one of my godsisters is "pre-engaged" and has said the wedding will happen there then.

25. Go apple and/or berry picking.  Hopefully this can happen when I'm in Julian next August.

26. See Blink 182 in concert.

27. Third time's a charm- finally see Brand New in concert.

So so far I've completed 7 goals, 1 has been knocked out as it's still illegal, plans are in place for, 1 has been knocked out for now since we don't want pets we can't take care of properly, 6 are in the works to happen in the next 12 months or so, and 12 I really need to start thinking about.

Anyone else done one of these lately?  If so, I'd love to see them.  Or if you commented last time that you had started one, I'd love to know how you are tracking.

Now You're Just Somebody That I Used to Know

* I started this post before Christmas and never got around to finishing it until now so sorry if it seems out of the blue. I'm not in the thick of these feelings now, although there is a bit of lingering hurt, I just hated having it sit there incomplete.*

I read this quote in a magazine recently that really resonated with me. In fact, I tore it out of the magazine and now keep it on my car's dashboard as a reminder (or at least I thought I had, I just looked for it to use it here and it looks like it's become a victim of one of MOTH's car clean outs).  Basically its message was that just because you used to be friends, doesn't mean you have to continue to be friends simply because you have known each other a long time.  You should only continue to be friends with people who make a positive contribution to your life.

As I've gotten older, I've stopped being a friend collector.  At this point I feel like a person is either a good friend or they're not. Generally, I don't burn any bridges, I just let people fade into acquaintance (or less) status and I give people lots of chances.  We're all human, we all mess up sometimes and hurt the people we care about; me included, me especially sometimes it feels like.  But at some point, I do reach a breaking point and say "Enough is enough.  You've hurt me or let me down for the last time."

See, until I moved here, I didn't really know what it was like to have good girl friends. Girls who have your back 100%, girls who don't flake out on you, girls who don't gossip (at least not a lot or in a malicious way, because come on, when you are close to someone, you're bound to get on each others' nerves every once in a while and say something in frustration or the heat of the moment). I'm lucky to have found that in the girls I call friends here.  My life is pretty drama free these days, but if I were to need something, I've got a bunch of girls in my corner I know I could call for help.

From the time she was a young teenager, my sister was fortunate enough to always make really deep and awesome friendships with girls. As her life has changed, she doesn't keep in contact with all of those good friends anymore, but while they were in her life they were in her life and ready to go to bat for her and show up for her whenever she needed them. Her girls were her family when we weren't around. I was always jealous of that. Now, I have that on some level with my friends here, too.

My sister is ballsier than I will ever be in a lot of ways.  She, for example, called out someone who was being a fair weather friend.  The person made a request for her and backed it with a "do this for me because we are friends" plea and Nae flat out said to her, "No, we are not.  A friend has your back no matter what.  A friend shows up.  You are only my friend when it's convenient for you.  You are an acquaintance."  Ouch! Surely that must have stung the person a bit, but you know what?  Sometimes being a good friend is calling people on their shit.

Oh man, how I wish I could say that to a few people!  I think half of me would feel so empowered but maybe the other half of me would feel really crappy?  While saying that to her former friend/current acquaintance may have forced some re-evaluation on the acquaintance's part to try and work back towards a friendship, the people I want to say it to, it just wouldn't make a difference to.

And so I do things my way- I bite my tongue, I let myself be hurt and mourn the loss of what were once important friendships, I let my contact with that person fade, and I focus on all the people I DO have in my life that build me up.

Just because we aren't friends now, doesn't mean you weren't an important person in my life at some point.  And just because you've hurt me, doesn't mean I won't still look back fondly on a lot of the memories we made together.  While we aren't friends any more, I certainly don't want to be enemies either and I think biting my tongue and not expressing my hurt and avoiding potentially saying something that I can't take back is the best way to leave it, even if it doesn't bring any closure to things.

From Here to Infirmary

It's been a pretty eventful week.  We met the favorite cousin and her husband in the City last Sunday, even though they weren't feeling so great and we had a really nice catch up dinner with them.  Monday MOTH worked from home as he had pulled something in his shoulder/back and couldn't face the train commute.  I went back to the doctor that day for a skin cancer check and because I still had a headache.  My head hurt so bad on Friday at MOTH's birthday dinner, that I was actually sick in the bathroom...not cool!  I had taken two rounds of codeine pain killers and not even they could kill the headache.  The doctor on Monday said that this was normal and wouldn't even prescribe me real migraine medicine.  He is obviously a dud and I won't be going back to him!  I swear doctor's here act like I'm some hysterical woman when I go in to see them, but I don't think constant nausea, stomach cramps and other issues, vomiting and headaches are normal.

The last week of work flew by and I was trying to soak it all up.  I didn't have any nasty customers or any really difficult situations so that was a nice way to end things on.  I just tried to spend as much time as possible with my team mates and luckily we had a few minutes available time between most calls to be able to chat.

Thursday after work I packed for our trip to Wollongong.  The plan was I'd have my last day of work and be off at 2 and then I'd drive down to Neutral Bay, pick MOTH up around 4-4:30 and we'd head down from there.  I had booked us in to two different hotels (both were booked out for one of the weekend nights) and had looked up activities nearby (blow hole, stand up paddleboarding) as well as a bunch of places that were breakfast and dinner potentials.  I'm sure I've mentioned this previously, but in the 7 years I've lived here, I've still never made it south of Sydney and I was really excited to be heading out of town (a birthday gift to us from my parents).

MOTH got home around 9pm Thursday night and he was complaining because his thumb was infected and really sore.  He had asked me to grab him epsom salt so he could soak it and he did but it didn't provide any relief.  I was getting frustrated as it was now nearly 10:30 and he still hadn't packed or done the dishes.  He decided to cut his finger to try and relieve the pressure but it didn't and nothing came out but blood.  After he stopped bleeding, I told him I'd do the dishes and he started packing.  We finally made it in to bed and for the next hour and a half neither of us slept-MOTH because he was in so much pain that even the sheet brushing against his thumb was excruciating and me because MOTH kept tossing and turning.  He got out of bed and started wandering back and forth through the house.  I suggested he try and soak his finger again.  He said the pain was getting too much to handle so I called this nurse on call hotline and the recommended we go to the ER.  After waiting for about 3 hours (there were hardly any other patients there so don't know what took that long, but anyway) they finally drew some blood to make sure the infection hadn't spread, looked at the finger, gave him a shot of antibiotics and sent us home with a prescription for more antibiotics and some codeine.  I emailed my manager at 6:15am when we finally got home and advised that I would be late for my last day of work and actually needed to take it as a sick day, but I knew my team was doing something for me and I didn't want to miss it.

At a few minutes to 9, I woke up as I heard MOTH go out to our car and come back in.  I called out to him to see what was up.  When he called back to me, I could tell he was in tears and that really freaked me out. He said the codeine was only helping for about an hour and his whole hand felt like he was resting it on a hot plate and the pain was now radiating up towards his elbow.  I didn't want to wait in the ER again so I tried calling some local medical centers to see if they could get him in, they couldn't.  I called his Mom at work and she said go back to the ER and she'd meet us there.  I called my manager and told her I had to miss my last day completely and I started crying and asked her to apologize to my team if they had gone to any effort for me and that I was really sorry I couldn't be there.  She said they'd understand and to just focus on MOTH.

We got to the ER, about a 3 minute drive from our house, and the parking lot was packed and the entrance was swamped with people in suits.  I saw someone holding a sign for one of the local politicians and said to MOTH, "Oh great, so actual patients have to hike a mile to the hospital because some local politicians is here to make an announcement about something."  We did end up having to hike about a half mile away and at the bottom of a hill, luckily MOTH was able to walk it.  We found out it was actual the prime minister who was visiting the hospital and announcing that there were plans to build a new cancer center there.  Had I seen her, I would've recommended to her that she also add a new parking structure to her budget, haha!

This time we were called back within 20 minutes of waiting, which was good because I don't know that MOTH could've waited another 3 hours to see someone this time around.  The doctor decided they needed to cut his finger deeper to get to the infection and that they would also put in and keep in an iv port on the back of his hand and over the next few days we'd need to come in everyday to get an iv drip so Wollongong was out.  We were both really disappointed but focused on getting him better.  They gave him a local shot to numb the thumb and a morphine pill, even still his Mom and I heard MOTH screaming from across the hall; poor guy.  Shortly after that, he was feeling much better and said his hand was only slightly throbbing.  We came home and MOTH slept until the next morning, only waking for an hour to eat dinner and check in with his parents.

I did manage to get back in to work on Monday to say good bye to everyone and to clean out my drawer and hand in my swipe key.  I was pretty sad to be leaving, not the job but the people there (and the pay!).  I got lots of hugs and my team wrote the nicest messages on my good bye card.  They also got me a bunch of stylish office supplies I can use at my new job which was really thoughtful of them.

It'll be weird going from a team of 16 people, in an office of about 100 people, to an office of 3-4 other people max, BUT I'm looking forward to it.  I'm nervous and excited and can't wait to see what the role is all about.  I haven't gotten official confirmation, but I'm tentatively due to start this Thursday.  I'm using these few days off to play Nurse D, sleep in, and run errands like getting my work pants hemmed so I look respectable at the new job and sending my passport off to be renewed.  Hopefully nothing more "exciting" happens between now and then.  Wish me luck for Thursday!