I had a really good friend, Candy, in high school. She was a cool chick, always down for a good time or for going to a show and was fiercely loyal to her friends. We were friends up until I left for Australia and I was really going to miss her and hoped that she’d come out to visit me and Bun.
A few months before I left she started hanging out with this guy who was friends with people I knew from the surf shop. I didn’t know him at all, we talked online sometimes, just about Candy and our mutual friends. He’s in some band that has had their songs play on MTV and stuff but this was before they really started touring or doing shows. I didn’t message him to start with, he messaged me I’m pretty sure. The only time I met him was at mine and Bun’s going away dinner when Candy brought him as her date. He seemed nice and cool and I continued to talk to him online, but I didn’t have a crush on him or consider him a good friend or have any kind of ulterior motives for our acquaintance.
Candy ended up telling me something that I felt she should tell this guy. She didn’t think so, but from what he had told me about the two of them, I thought he should know. Now, looking back, even 5 minutes after I did it I thought it- I should’ve given her the chance to tell him or given her an ultimatum like if she didn’t tell him, I would, but I didn’t. To this day she thinks I was in the wrong for saying anything at all to him, but I still feel like I should’ve, just in a different way or talked her in to doing it herself since it was really her business.
I know that is all really vague and it makes me sound like an awful friend. If I said what the issue was, maybe more people would agree with what I had done, but I don’t want to say because I wouldn’t want to hurt Candy all over again about it. The bottom line is just this thing happened between us and it changed everything.
She called me to tell me she knew I had told the guy the thing and was pissed. I apologized and I meant it and I thought that that was that but, we stopped talking after that. I didn’t go home for that first year. I don’t think I tried to see her that Christmas, but I did try and see her that next summer when I was home. She agreed to meet then backed out at the last minute. We didn’t talk for another year and a half and then we started messaging back and forth on AIM and it seemed like maybe we had gotten over stuff.
After I got back from Hawaii, she suggested I come over and see her new place and have a hang out. I went and it was just awkward. I felt like she didn’t really want me there, even though SHE had been the one to call me. When her roommate came home, she pretty much ignored me to talk to this girl she saw everyday. I didn’t like her roommate and her roommate didn’t like me. I was saying something about the flight to Sydney being 14 hours or something and the roommate was like “How can that be when it takes like 10 to get to Hawaii from here.” I said, “No, it doesn’t, it takes like 6 to get to Hawaii.” She gave me this look like “Right, I don’t believe you, what do you know?” And I said, “Look, I just got back from Hawaii like 2 days ago, I know how long the flight is.” She then gave Candy this look like “Back me up (even though I’ve never been to Hawaii and neither have you and this girl has) it takes 10 hours to get there.” And Candy just said, “I don’t know.”
After the roommate went in to her room our conversation started flowing and it was turning out to be a fun night. Then the incident that changed everything came up. She told me how she had told, or had in as many words told, a bunch of people that were mutual friends that she hated me. It really shocked me, I knew she was mad, but I didn’t know she HATED me. I felt awful. I started crying because no one has ever said they’ve hated me before. I left shortly thereafter and it was kindof an uncomfortable goodbye, we said we’d meet up again before I left but I really didn’t want to and I ended up not seeing her again.
I didn’t hear from her again for 6 months. Then she messaged me to say she was moving to Australia. We had talked about this when I was at her house and I had advised her that moving to Australia can be very lonely and it’s not at all what you would expect. I knew her, or at least what she had been like for 5 years, and I knew she needed a big support group around her, like friends and her family, and here you are removed from all that. I suggested she move to a new city first to give living away from everyone a try. I also found it weird that she had “randomly” decided to move to Australia out of everywhere in the world. I don’t know if she wanted to prove it to me and Bun and everyone else that knew we had moved here that she was tough enough to do it too or what. Out of the blue I got a message from her on MySpace saying she was moving to Australia, but don’t worry “not my part of Australia”-Sydney, which if I have a “part” of Australia, I’d consider Sydney as within its range. Anyway, she asked if I had any advice for her.
I didn’t write her back. She suggested in the email that we should let the past be the past and I agreed, just not the in the way she thought. I just figured my life was here and in Santa Cruz now, not in Orange County so I’d let our friendship be in the past, too. I don’t think we would’ve hung out together heaps if I had written back, but I just didn’t want to be involved. My not replying wasn’t malicious; I just thought it was what was the best thing for me. Sometimes I ask Bun how she’s doing here and I hear she’s pretty miserable (probably off and on as living in a different country is always a roller coaster), I don’t think she’ll be making a permanent move out here, but I guess now she can tell everyone she’s done it?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Up All Night
S is peacefully passed out on my bed right now, still trying to recover from last night’s party and yesterday’s running around to get ready for it.
It was nice to have everyone over to MY house and not to S’s parents place cause it just felt more relaxed and it didn’t matter if there were dishes everywhere or if we were being too loud or all inside, not that they really care, his parents have always been cool when we have people over, it just was more comfortable to me because I hate to leave their kitchen dirty or keep them from sleep for too long. Everyone said nice things about my house, even though it is kind of a shithole. They liked the backyard and, I agree, it is pretty spectacular.
We started talking about the blog because not many people knew I had one. Everyone was interested and wants the link to it, probably to make sure I’m not talking crap about them! Which is understandable because if someone told me they had written something about me online, I’d want to check it out, too, to make sure it was nice. So I’m emailing people the links to this page tomorrow and hopefully they like it. It was good because I got to talk to Tinkerbell about her description on the site, as she had already read it. She was concerned because I had said I was intimidated by her when I first met her and she thought maybe it was something she had done. I didn’t want her to feel bad, because I’ve said to her before that she was intimidating in the beginning, but this time I got to explain it to her and basically all it was is that she was the first of the girls in the group I had met and I was used to the “Mean Girl” mentality of all girls from back home so I just assumed all girls my age were like that everywhere and was just nervous to meet her. Thankfully Tinkerbell is nothing like the girls from back home and that’s why I like being friends with her! But it was good that she read it and that we could have a quick chat about it to clear the air because I definitely didn’t want her to feel weird about anything as she had never done anything to justify me feeling intimidated by her! She also asked about her name and I was like, “Oh, just because of the dress you wore to the races, you looked like Tinkerbell in it.” I don’t know, I thought it was cute, I hope she doesn’t hate the code name too much! Then everyone wanted to know their names on the site and the Soccer Player was like, “I don’t want to be the Soccer Player, I saw myself on film playing soccer last week and I don’t look so good” or something along those lines. Then Croc asked about his name and Croc HATES the internet, wants nothing to do with it, and the Teacher had already warned me about it before she knew I was using code names, but he just laughed and I think he likes that I think of him like Croc Dundee. S totally thinks he’s not going to have any friends left when people start reading this blog, but I just laugh because I like writing down are little group adventures.
So yeah, all yesterday I was rushing around trying to buy all the food for the party, then cooking cupcakes, making lemonade and spinach dip and trying to get the house picked up. S was out back trying to get the yard all set up and just as Tinkerbell and the Farmer and Junior pulled up, he was hopping in the shower and I was throwing on clothes. Junior looked so cute in this shirt S and I had gotten him in CA and he had on little jeans and Etnies and all night long he was scooting around the floor on his butt because I guess he hates crawling. He is such a cute little guy and so flirty, I love it! Then Croc and the Teacher pulled up and started telling us all about their honeymoon to Thailand; bottom line is they wouldn’t recommend going, but it did make for some funny stories! The Teacher and Tinkerbell were a big help to me getting the rest of the food ready that I hadn’t had time to do and then shortly thereafter the Runner, the Smooth Talker, the Hairdresser, and the Soccer Player all showed up. LC and Bob Marley were running late, as they had a family BBQ earlier in the day for LC’s birthday (which is tomorrow). S's brother, who will no longer be called D, but "Bob the Builder" or just "Bob" came over to hang out with us, too, which is good because now that he's not living at home S (who will also be getting a new name on here shortly) doesn't get to see him as often and I know he misses hanging out with Bob. It was nice that he came over and ended up spending the night. The boys hung out in the back and the girls all hung inside. We were going to eat outside until we realized my backyard is pretty pitch black, even with the bonfire going, so everyone piled in to the house. My food went over well and like I said to Tinkerbell, “I love doing this kind of crap” so I was really glad that the hard work paid off and people liked what I had made. Everyone finally hung out by the fire and I sat with Bob Marley who was getting hammered and he was funny to talk to. Like I’ve said before, he is really quiet so it’s always good when he gets going. I think LC was pretty tired from her day so they took off fairly early and Bob Marley yelled back something like, “Fuck off Poofters” as they were leaving my backyard, just out of nowhere and hilarious. The Runner and I walked back in to the house to grab sweatshirts to wear because it is finally starting to get cold out at night here and as we came up to my laundry room a huge possum was swinging around trying to get on the roof. I yelled, “Raccoon” and then felt really dumb because there are no raccoons in Australia, but she knew what I meant. I’m glad I saw it because I was starting to think I was crazy and there weren’t really in my roof and that I was just getting freaked out by the noises of the house settling. Now I’m totally going to call my real estate guys again to have someone come out and catch them because all last night I could barely sleep listening to the possum run around in my ceiling. Croc Dundee then told us stories about trying to wrestle his friend “Singlet” who will hold on to you like a dog with a bone when he’s got you around the neck, but who can’t throw a punch at all. Croc said even the Hairdresser was able to beat Singlet up, which had us all cracking up because Singlet is so stocky and tough looking, you would never guess a girl could punch him out! Croc, the Teacher, the Hairdresser and the Soccer Player all got ready to go after that; they were off to play a prank on someone else in the group before going home and going to bed.
Just before, I went in to the fridge to make lunch from leftovers for me and S and all I found was the last hamburger with a big ole bite taken out of it-Thanks Guys! Anyway, it was a pretty mellow night but everyone seemed to have a good time. I know S really did, so I’m glad.
It was nice to have everyone over to MY house and not to S’s parents place cause it just felt more relaxed and it didn’t matter if there were dishes everywhere or if we were being too loud or all inside, not that they really care, his parents have always been cool when we have people over, it just was more comfortable to me because I hate to leave their kitchen dirty or keep them from sleep for too long. Everyone said nice things about my house, even though it is kind of a shithole. They liked the backyard and, I agree, it is pretty spectacular.
We started talking about the blog because not many people knew I had one. Everyone was interested and wants the link to it, probably to make sure I’m not talking crap about them! Which is understandable because if someone told me they had written something about me online, I’d want to check it out, too, to make sure it was nice. So I’m emailing people the links to this page tomorrow and hopefully they like it. It was good because I got to talk to Tinkerbell about her description on the site, as she had already read it. She was concerned because I had said I was intimidated by her when I first met her and she thought maybe it was something she had done. I didn’t want her to feel bad, because I’ve said to her before that she was intimidating in the beginning, but this time I got to explain it to her and basically all it was is that she was the first of the girls in the group I had met and I was used to the “Mean Girl” mentality of all girls from back home so I just assumed all girls my age were like that everywhere and was just nervous to meet her. Thankfully Tinkerbell is nothing like the girls from back home and that’s why I like being friends with her! But it was good that she read it and that we could have a quick chat about it to clear the air because I definitely didn’t want her to feel weird about anything as she had never done anything to justify me feeling intimidated by her! She also asked about her name and I was like, “Oh, just because of the dress you wore to the races, you looked like Tinkerbell in it.” I don’t know, I thought it was cute, I hope she doesn’t hate the code name too much! Then everyone wanted to know their names on the site and the Soccer Player was like, “I don’t want to be the Soccer Player, I saw myself on film playing soccer last week and I don’t look so good” or something along those lines. Then Croc asked about his name and Croc HATES the internet, wants nothing to do with it, and the Teacher had already warned me about it before she knew I was using code names, but he just laughed and I think he likes that I think of him like Croc Dundee. S totally thinks he’s not going to have any friends left when people start reading this blog, but I just laugh because I like writing down are little group adventures.
So yeah, all yesterday I was rushing around trying to buy all the food for the party, then cooking cupcakes, making lemonade and spinach dip and trying to get the house picked up. S was out back trying to get the yard all set up and just as Tinkerbell and the Farmer and Junior pulled up, he was hopping in the shower and I was throwing on clothes. Junior looked so cute in this shirt S and I had gotten him in CA and he had on little jeans and Etnies and all night long he was scooting around the floor on his butt because I guess he hates crawling. He is such a cute little guy and so flirty, I love it! Then Croc and the Teacher pulled up and started telling us all about their honeymoon to Thailand; bottom line is they wouldn’t recommend going, but it did make for some funny stories! The Teacher and Tinkerbell were a big help to me getting the rest of the food ready that I hadn’t had time to do and then shortly thereafter the Runner, the Smooth Talker, the Hairdresser, and the Soccer Player all showed up. LC and Bob Marley were running late, as they had a family BBQ earlier in the day for LC’s birthday (which is tomorrow). S's brother, who will no longer be called D, but "Bob the Builder" or just "Bob" came over to hang out with us, too, which is good because now that he's not living at home S (who will also be getting a new name on here shortly) doesn't get to see him as often and I know he misses hanging out with Bob. It was nice that he came over and ended up spending the night. The boys hung out in the back and the girls all hung inside. We were going to eat outside until we realized my backyard is pretty pitch black, even with the bonfire going, so everyone piled in to the house. My food went over well and like I said to Tinkerbell, “I love doing this kind of crap” so I was really glad that the hard work paid off and people liked what I had made. Everyone finally hung out by the fire and I sat with Bob Marley who was getting hammered and he was funny to talk to. Like I’ve said before, he is really quiet so it’s always good when he gets going. I think LC was pretty tired from her day so they took off fairly early and Bob Marley yelled back something like, “Fuck off Poofters” as they were leaving my backyard, just out of nowhere and hilarious. The Runner and I walked back in to the house to grab sweatshirts to wear because it is finally starting to get cold out at night here and as we came up to my laundry room a huge possum was swinging around trying to get on the roof. I yelled, “Raccoon” and then felt really dumb because there are no raccoons in Australia, but she knew what I meant. I’m glad I saw it because I was starting to think I was crazy and there weren’t really in my roof and that I was just getting freaked out by the noises of the house settling. Now I’m totally going to call my real estate guys again to have someone come out and catch them because all last night I could barely sleep listening to the possum run around in my ceiling. Croc Dundee then told us stories about trying to wrestle his friend “Singlet” who will hold on to you like a dog with a bone when he’s got you around the neck, but who can’t throw a punch at all. Croc said even the Hairdresser was able to beat Singlet up, which had us all cracking up because Singlet is so stocky and tough looking, you would never guess a girl could punch him out! Croc, the Teacher, the Hairdresser and the Soccer Player all got ready to go after that; they were off to play a prank on someone else in the group before going home and going to bed.
Just before, I went in to the fridge to make lunch from leftovers for me and S and all I found was the last hamburger with a big ole bite taken out of it-Thanks Guys! Anyway, it was a pretty mellow night but everyone seemed to have a good time. I know S really did, so I’m glad.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
All You Need is Love
I’ve mentioned the Red Head earlier, but I’ll talk about him some more since he is one of S’s good friends from school up at Newcastle. The Red Head is a nice guy, but I had a real problem with him at first. A) He was always around when S and I were first dating, like he would just show up sometimes at my dorm when S was there. I finally had to tell S I had signed up to date him, not him and the Red Head and B) The Red Head lived with this other guy, Scrawny Body Builder, and SBB was kindof a jerk, but that was just his personality and you could laugh when he called you a slut or made fun of you cause he was just dumb and could get away with it. The Red Head tried to copy SBB’s moves and would call me slut all the time, even to Nae the first and only time he met her, and bitch and all this other stuff. I hated it and it didn’t make it fun to be around him. S just laughed it off cause he knew Red Head was just trying to copy SBB’s moves and wasn’t serious. Finally I told S it was unacceptable behavior on Red Head’s part and unacceptable that he would allow anyone to call his girlfriend a slut or a bitch and S could see where I was coming from. So S had a chat to the Red Head and he hasn’t called me slut or bitch since then and I’ve liked him a lot more because he really is a nice guy who just wants to be liked. Red Head also stopped hanging around us as much so S and I had time to get to know each other one on one.
Like I said, the Red Head is a nice guy, but he has no luck with the ladies. At first he was in love with Bun, thinking it would be perfect- the two guy best friends dating the two girl best friends, but Bun really liked SBB’s best friend, Gangles, and she started dating him and it made it even more awkward for the Red Head when Gangles moved in with him and SBB and Bun was over all the time. He also has a tendency to fall in lust with girls who have boyfriends.
I had him over to my place while I was on Internship and I had invited a girl that was on Internship at the same school over for dinner that night, as well. They were chatty and seemed to get along and the next weekend they went out on a date. She ended up not being interested, but only because, even though he was interested in her, he made the date seem buddy-buddy. Like he didn’t pick her up from her house, didn’t try to hold her hand at the movies, he Did buy her dinner at least, but then at the end of the date he didn’t try and kiss her or anything, I don’t think he hugged her either, there was just no physical contact, except for when he jokingly pushed her. At our age, pushing someone as a flirting move does not register well.
Just last weekend he went out on a date with another friend’s friend, whom he had met a few times before. He said the dinner went well, it last 3 hours, he kissed her or she kissed him on the cheek at the end of the night, and she texted him afterwards to say she had had a fun time. He then gives her a follow up call to set up another date and she said she wasn’t interested. What had changed? It seems pretty sketchy and random to me. What kind of girl bothers to text that she had a good time if she wasn’t in to the guy and picks up his call when he calls next, that’s what the ignore button on cellphones was invented for!
So here’s my open invitation to any single girls in Sydney, the Central Coast, the Hunter Valley, and Newcastle. If you want a guy who drives a nice car, who doesn’t live with Mom and Dad, who has a decent and steady job, and who will treat you like a motherfucking princess, then please contact me so I can set you up with the Red Head. No offense if he’s reading this, but he’s not Brad Pitt, and no one is, other than Brad Pitt. He is a reasonably attractive guy; he’s not overweight, he dresses well, he has met my friend Mr. Deodorant and all that. He is just a normal guy. So ladies, let’s make this happen!
Nae is single and out of school and now that I’m out of school I often wonder, if S and I weren’t dating, where would I find someone? Nae, Red Head and I aren’t the club scene kind of people and I just think about how difficult it would be to find someone now that I’m not in the mix with 1000s of other people my age everyday at school. Luckily, Nae is happy being single for now and has little crushes on people at work and stuff and the Red Head has me to sell his goods on here.
Like I said, the Red Head is a nice guy, but he has no luck with the ladies. At first he was in love with Bun, thinking it would be perfect- the two guy best friends dating the two girl best friends, but Bun really liked SBB’s best friend, Gangles, and she started dating him and it made it even more awkward for the Red Head when Gangles moved in with him and SBB and Bun was over all the time. He also has a tendency to fall in lust with girls who have boyfriends.
I had him over to my place while I was on Internship and I had invited a girl that was on Internship at the same school over for dinner that night, as well. They were chatty and seemed to get along and the next weekend they went out on a date. She ended up not being interested, but only because, even though he was interested in her, he made the date seem buddy-buddy. Like he didn’t pick her up from her house, didn’t try to hold her hand at the movies, he Did buy her dinner at least, but then at the end of the date he didn’t try and kiss her or anything, I don’t think he hugged her either, there was just no physical contact, except for when he jokingly pushed her. At our age, pushing someone as a flirting move does not register well.
Just last weekend he went out on a date with another friend’s friend, whom he had met a few times before. He said the dinner went well, it last 3 hours, he kissed her or she kissed him on the cheek at the end of the night, and she texted him afterwards to say she had had a fun time. He then gives her a follow up call to set up another date and she said she wasn’t interested. What had changed? It seems pretty sketchy and random to me. What kind of girl bothers to text that she had a good time if she wasn’t in to the guy and picks up his call when he calls next, that’s what the ignore button on cellphones was invented for!
So here’s my open invitation to any single girls in Sydney, the Central Coast, the Hunter Valley, and Newcastle. If you want a guy who drives a nice car, who doesn’t live with Mom and Dad, who has a decent and steady job, and who will treat you like a motherfucking princess, then please contact me so I can set you up with the Red Head. No offense if he’s reading this, but he’s not Brad Pitt, and no one is, other than Brad Pitt. He is a reasonably attractive guy; he’s not overweight, he dresses well, he has met my friend Mr. Deodorant and all that. He is just a normal guy. So ladies, let’s make this happen!
Nae is single and out of school and now that I’m out of school I often wonder, if S and I weren’t dating, where would I find someone? Nae, Red Head and I aren’t the club scene kind of people and I just think about how difficult it would be to find someone now that I’m not in the mix with 1000s of other people my age everyday at school. Luckily, Nae is happy being single for now and has little crushes on people at work and stuff and the Red Head has me to sell his goods on here.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A Teenage Suicide/ Before I Go/ This is Not an Exit
I remember the first time I was affected by suicide. We had a morning surf practice and then we were going to have a tour of the local surf museum and like none of the guys showed up. I thought it was pretty rude, but figured they must have just had a big night before. We were walking through the surf museum when either the surf coach or one of the few guys that had shown up got a call. All the guys were over at Fabio’s house because is older brother had killed himself. I wasn’t friends with Fabio; I don’t think I had ever even spoken to him. My sister knew him because he was dating her best friend’s older sister. One of my friends from class was best family friends with his family and I knew that he, JB, would be very upset. They are pretty tacky and touristy now, but I remember that the surf museum had St. Christopher necklaces for sale as he is supposed to be the patron saint of stuff to do with water. Anyway, I picked one up for Fabio just to say someone is still looking out for you right now and sent it and a card to him. We went to the funeral and it was heartbreaking. The crowd was huge, standing room only and it was a very big church. This young man must have been really well liked and yet he had felt all alone in the world.
The boys on the surf team were in to Unwritten Law and used to play a few of the songs obsessively. Nae and I couldn’t drive at the time so we’d get rides to school after practice with the boys and it was there that I heard them and liked the songs they’d play on repeat so I got the CD and "Teenage Suicide" was one of the songs on there. That was a pretty rough song to hear at the time, but the killer for me was "Before I Go". Even though I didn’t really know Fabio and I had never met his brother, I just imagined what both of them had/were feeling and the song broke my heart.
Fast forward two years. I’m sitting at our dining room table trying to write my final paper ever for my AP English class when the phone rings. It’s this girl, who went to my high school and I had gone to grade school with; we used to be friends but ran in different groups once we got to MD. She was kinda crying I think when she said, “Noah has been shot; he’s dead.”
(When we were little Noah and I lived across the street from one another. We weren’t best friends, but we were close and did lots of stuff together. We had one of the only pools in the neighborhood so Noah and his brothers and sister would come over and swim. We also used to carpool together and I remember one day his parents couldn’t take us to school but I didn’t know that, my parents had left for work, and Noah and his older brother held me "hostage" because they didn’t want me to call my babysitter and ask her for a ride. I was sneaky and got to the phone though and I remember Noah’s big brother was pretty upset when a ride showed up to take us to school. Also, when we were in Kindergarten, Noah and I decided he should have a pool, too, so we spent an afternoon trying to dig one in his backyard. After grade school, Noah ended up at another local Catholic high school and I didn’t see him for nearly four years, until one afternoon when I went to pick up Nae from water polo, he was there running at the track. That had been earlier this same year and the last time I would see him.)
I started crying and said, “What are you talking about? That’s crazy.” The girl didn’t have any details so we hung up. I came outside where my Dad was watering the lawn or something and was hysterically crying at that point. He started yelling at me “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” He was worried that something had happened to my Mom or sister because neither was at home. I told him about Noah. I went inside and called my Mom at work and she said, “Listen, it’s just a rumor at this point, there are no facts, just pray that that’s what it is, a misunderstanding, a rumor.” So I prayed and prayed, but all the while thought “this probably isn’t a rumor, he’s probably dead, but why?” At this point it was still unclear that he had killed himself. I called my old friend Chiara, I think, it’s a little fuzzy how I got more details, but it was true. Noah was dead and he had done it to himself. After that, I had to drive over to our high school to pick up Nae from a swim meet. She could see that something was wrong and asked if she should drive me. She was probably thinking it was more drama to do with my loser exbf. When I told her about Noah, she burst in to tears. Nae was a pretty guarded and tough person at this time, I don’t think I had seen her cry in years, but here she was driving and crying and asking me to tell her about it. We finally heard from our other old neighbors that he had been upset or something and said he was going out, but he hadn’t really, he just got in his car. He ended up shooting himself in the driveway of his family’s house.
The next day at school I was a mess. His rosary service was that night and somehow they were able to fix him up so he could have an open casket. I just went briefly up to see him and all I could think was that he looked exactly like his older brother, the one who had held me "hostage" all those years ago. The funeral was the next day and I think his whole class came to the funeral. We were about a month from graduating.
I became pretty deeply depressed. I had never lost someone that I loved. My friends hadn’t either so they didn’t know how to handle it and just didn’t talk about it. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking about him. I remember writing him notes in my journal telling him how much he was missed and that I probably wasn’t the only one missing him this much and how I wish time could be turned back so he’d get a second chance to make the decision over again. I remember getting trashed the night before his birthday….I was at a concert with some friends and the loser exbf and I was underage. I passed out on the dance floor after busting some awesome dance moves, or so I’ve been told, I don’t remember dancing but I do remember laying on the ground. My friend Candy put me on a bar stool and told me not to move, of course I did. Some security guards found me and kicked me out. I threw up in some planters at Downtown Disney, just next to the "Happiest Place on Earth"- classy, I know. I also lost a thong and had to walk around with only one for the rest of the night. The next day me and some of the kids from our grade school class had a little graveside service for Noah. It was pretty painful to be at. I think for a good six months I was a mess because of it, but I tried to hide it from everyone. I still think about him now and I still visited his grave on his birthday and the day of his death when I lived in the area.
About a year and a half ago, I lost someone else to suicide. We called him Uncle B, but he wasn’t our uncle. As I got older, we used to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and I know that sounds creepy considering I called him Uncle, but it wasn’t. Everyone thought I had a crush on him when I was little so he’d call me girlfriend to tease me and in the end it was pretty weird when he started dating someone who was only a little bit older than I was. Uncle B was this larger than life guy. He had a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and he was an asshole when he was in a bad mood, but when he was in a good mood he was on fire. He used to come over to our house all the time for dinner, just unannounced and say, “What are we having?” Very often now when I’m watching TV or a movie, someone will say something or do something and it totally reminds me of Uncle B. He left behind 3 kids and an ex-wife who was his best friend. It was really sad going back home knowing he’d never barge in to our house again or yell over the fence to us and call us Rugrats. He’s someone I will always miss and never forget. I know his son is still hurting about the loss of his Dad, he’s only in high school and it’s a rough time for any kid, and I wish I could take away some of his pain so he didn’t have to handle such a heavy load on his own. From the reports his mom gives us, sometimes I’m afraid he’s drowning in this pain and I wish that I could be there to help him swim awhile longer til it stopped hurting so much.
Even just writing this has brought back all the hurt and sadness over losing these two guys and has me crying. It doesn’t really get better, you just learn to live with it.
Life hurts so bad
Don't want you sad
Just look back to
Good times we had
I'd give my soul for you I know
Want to hold you before I go
Before I go
I need you to know
I'm still alive in you
It's my time to go
Don't stay up late
I'm not afraid
And I don't want your heart to break
I know I've seen what's been unseen
Live fast, die young
It's part of me
The boys on the surf team were in to Unwritten Law and used to play a few of the songs obsessively. Nae and I couldn’t drive at the time so we’d get rides to school after practice with the boys and it was there that I heard them and liked the songs they’d play on repeat so I got the CD and "Teenage Suicide" was one of the songs on there. That was a pretty rough song to hear at the time, but the killer for me was "Before I Go". Even though I didn’t really know Fabio and I had never met his brother, I just imagined what both of them had/were feeling and the song broke my heart.
Fast forward two years. I’m sitting at our dining room table trying to write my final paper ever for my AP English class when the phone rings. It’s this girl, who went to my high school and I had gone to grade school with; we used to be friends but ran in different groups once we got to MD. She was kinda crying I think when she said, “Noah has been shot; he’s dead.”
(When we were little Noah and I lived across the street from one another. We weren’t best friends, but we were close and did lots of stuff together. We had one of the only pools in the neighborhood so Noah and his brothers and sister would come over and swim. We also used to carpool together and I remember one day his parents couldn’t take us to school but I didn’t know that, my parents had left for work, and Noah and his older brother held me "hostage" because they didn’t want me to call my babysitter and ask her for a ride. I was sneaky and got to the phone though and I remember Noah’s big brother was pretty upset when a ride showed up to take us to school. Also, when we were in Kindergarten, Noah and I decided he should have a pool, too, so we spent an afternoon trying to dig one in his backyard. After grade school, Noah ended up at another local Catholic high school and I didn’t see him for nearly four years, until one afternoon when I went to pick up Nae from water polo, he was there running at the track. That had been earlier this same year and the last time I would see him.)
I started crying and said, “What are you talking about? That’s crazy.” The girl didn’t have any details so we hung up. I came outside where my Dad was watering the lawn or something and was hysterically crying at that point. He started yelling at me “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” He was worried that something had happened to my Mom or sister because neither was at home. I told him about Noah. I went inside and called my Mom at work and she said, “Listen, it’s just a rumor at this point, there are no facts, just pray that that’s what it is, a misunderstanding, a rumor.” So I prayed and prayed, but all the while thought “this probably isn’t a rumor, he’s probably dead, but why?” At this point it was still unclear that he had killed himself. I called my old friend Chiara, I think, it’s a little fuzzy how I got more details, but it was true. Noah was dead and he had done it to himself. After that, I had to drive over to our high school to pick up Nae from a swim meet. She could see that something was wrong and asked if she should drive me. She was probably thinking it was more drama to do with my loser exbf. When I told her about Noah, she burst in to tears. Nae was a pretty guarded and tough person at this time, I don’t think I had seen her cry in years, but here she was driving and crying and asking me to tell her about it. We finally heard from our other old neighbors that he had been upset or something and said he was going out, but he hadn’t really, he just got in his car. He ended up shooting himself in the driveway of his family’s house.
The next day at school I was a mess. His rosary service was that night and somehow they were able to fix him up so he could have an open casket. I just went briefly up to see him and all I could think was that he looked exactly like his older brother, the one who had held me "hostage" all those years ago. The funeral was the next day and I think his whole class came to the funeral. We were about a month from graduating.
I became pretty deeply depressed. I had never lost someone that I loved. My friends hadn’t either so they didn’t know how to handle it and just didn’t talk about it. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking about him. I remember writing him notes in my journal telling him how much he was missed and that I probably wasn’t the only one missing him this much and how I wish time could be turned back so he’d get a second chance to make the decision over again. I remember getting trashed the night before his birthday….I was at a concert with some friends and the loser exbf and I was underage. I passed out on the dance floor after busting some awesome dance moves, or so I’ve been told, I don’t remember dancing but I do remember laying on the ground. My friend Candy put me on a bar stool and told me not to move, of course I did. Some security guards found me and kicked me out. I threw up in some planters at Downtown Disney, just next to the "Happiest Place on Earth"- classy, I know. I also lost a thong and had to walk around with only one for the rest of the night. The next day me and some of the kids from our grade school class had a little graveside service for Noah. It was pretty painful to be at. I think for a good six months I was a mess because of it, but I tried to hide it from everyone. I still think about him now and I still visited his grave on his birthday and the day of his death when I lived in the area.
About a year and a half ago, I lost someone else to suicide. We called him Uncle B, but he wasn’t our uncle. As I got older, we used to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and I know that sounds creepy considering I called him Uncle, but it wasn’t. Everyone thought I had a crush on him when I was little so he’d call me girlfriend to tease me and in the end it was pretty weird when he started dating someone who was only a little bit older than I was. Uncle B was this larger than life guy. He had a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and he was an asshole when he was in a bad mood, but when he was in a good mood he was on fire. He used to come over to our house all the time for dinner, just unannounced and say, “What are we having?” Very often now when I’m watching TV or a movie, someone will say something or do something and it totally reminds me of Uncle B. He left behind 3 kids and an ex-wife who was his best friend. It was really sad going back home knowing he’d never barge in to our house again or yell over the fence to us and call us Rugrats. He’s someone I will always miss and never forget. I know his son is still hurting about the loss of his Dad, he’s only in high school and it’s a rough time for any kid, and I wish I could take away some of his pain so he didn’t have to handle such a heavy load on his own. From the reports his mom gives us, sometimes I’m afraid he’s drowning in this pain and I wish that I could be there to help him swim awhile longer til it stopped hurting so much.
Even just writing this has brought back all the hurt and sadness over losing these two guys and has me crying. It doesn’t really get better, you just learn to live with it.
Life hurts so bad
Don't want you sad
Just look back to
Good times we had
I'd give my soul for you I know
Want to hold you before I go
Before I go
I need you to know
I'm still alive in you
It's my time to go
Don't stay up late
I'm not afraid
And I don't want your heart to break
I know I've seen what's been unseen
Live fast, die young
It's part of me
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
To A Party
S’s birthday is coming up. He’s going to be 26. I have no idea what to get him, he has no idea what he wants. Normally we don’t get each other stuff. We go on adventures instead and they always turn out really fun. It’s less than a week before his birthday and I still have no idea if he wants stuff or an adventure. I’m letting him tell me what he wants this year because normally I just plan something and surprise him.
I think I already mentioned, last year I got him a surf lesson and a 4 wheel drive trip. The year before that we rented surf boards at Manly and just played around in the whitewash. Then we stayed in Sydney for the night at a hotel I thought was going to be nice, but was not at all. Then the next day we went and got facials and massages at an area of Sydney I thought was going to be nice, but wasn’t. At least the hotel where the spa was was nice and we still had a great weekend, anyway.
The year before that I found out that you could spend the night at the zoo and they’d give you behind the scene tours of the place. It was a pretty cold night, but it was an unforgettable experience. You show up and you are let in to this courtyard where they have tents all set up and a big picnic table. They provide dinner and it was bbq chicken and stuff, plus there was beer and wine. As you eat, they brought around a wombat and some other animals for everyone to pet. After dinner, we went on a night tour of the zoo. The views over to Sydney were stunning. When we got back, it was time for dessert and then bed. It was fairly cold and uncomfortable in the tent. If I remember correctly, S and I giggled cause we could hear someone in another tent snoring, but we managed to get some sleep. At about 6:45 you are woken up for breakfast. Then they brought out a koala and you could pat it and get your picture taken with it. Following that, we got to go back in to the animal area and see all of the animals waking up and being fed before the zoo was open to the public. We got to go in to the giraffe exhibit while they were still in their barn and feed them carrots for breakfast. There was one that S and I just had to feed, she was old and blind so she’d just come to the door, lower her head down and stick her tongue out waiting for someone to place a carrot in her mouth! Giraffe’s have huge, long purple tongues. She looked hilarious and drunk. It was so funny to watch her. Next, we were taken in to one of the kitchens and shown how and what they prepare for some of the animals to eat. After that, our tour was over but then we stayed at the zoo for the whole day checking out all the places we had missed on the tour or had only stopped briefly on and wanted to see more of. When we were ready to leave, we hopped in a sky bucket thing that takes you over some of the enclosures and gives another great view of Sydney and the Harbour and down to the ferry building. We do pretty fun stuff.
S and I are thinking we’ll have a backyard barbeque for him once Croc and the Teacher get back from their honeymoon. Only LC and Bob Marley have seen the house so it’ll be good to have everyone over. My backyard is huge so people can camp out back if they want and if not, at least we have a big space for people to hang out in. S’s parents have a bum fire can at their house that we can hopefully bring over. S hates that I call it a bum fire, but it’s exactly what it sounds like. Well, wait, you’re bum doesn’t catch on fire, so maybe not. But you know how in movies there are homeless people who are always standing around a trashcan that has it’s trash lit on fire? That’s what this is, an old, metal trash can that we throw some logs in and light up. So we stand around when it gets cold warming our hands, like bums in the movies do.
It’ll be for S’s birthday and it’ll be a BBQ but I’m hoping S agrees that it doesn’t have to be a proper Aussie BBQ. I hate proper Aussie BBQ’s. Here’s why, I thought Australia was known for it’s barbeque….Put another shrimp on the barbie and all that (which by the way, wrong, they call them prawns not shrimp) but they are soooo uncreative in their barbeques. We do it way better in America. If you are invited to an Aussie BBQ you will find 1) snags, sausages, and not good ones like you’d get back home, not even as good as cardboard, they taste funny and they are mostly made of breadcrumbs 2) rolls of bread with butter, they have hot dog buns here but no one uses them 3) An aussie salad- iceberg, tomato, tasty cheese, cucumber, and some onion 4) maybe pasta salad or a potato bake or some rissoles (like really gross homemade hamburgers or something). I could pretty much guarantee 99% if you were going to a bbq here that’s what you would get. Not steak or ribs or chicken or hamburgers or hot dogs or shish kabobs or any of the variety of stuff you’d get in California. I’m not a huge fan and we have A LOT of bbq’s in our group. I just normally try to bring something for myself, I don’t mind the bread or salad or whatever, but the meat really kills me. So I’m hoping S will let me do simple appetizers, hamburgers and chicken burgers with potato chips, and aussie salad for dinner, and cupcakes and marshmallows to roast on the fire for dessert. The group seemed to love the Mexican food and whatever else I made at the last party so hopefully they will like this, as well.
I think I already mentioned, last year I got him a surf lesson and a 4 wheel drive trip. The year before that we rented surf boards at Manly and just played around in the whitewash. Then we stayed in Sydney for the night at a hotel I thought was going to be nice, but was not at all. Then the next day we went and got facials and massages at an area of Sydney I thought was going to be nice, but wasn’t. At least the hotel where the spa was was nice and we still had a great weekend, anyway.
The year before that I found out that you could spend the night at the zoo and they’d give you behind the scene tours of the place. It was a pretty cold night, but it was an unforgettable experience. You show up and you are let in to this courtyard where they have tents all set up and a big picnic table. They provide dinner and it was bbq chicken and stuff, plus there was beer and wine. As you eat, they brought around a wombat and some other animals for everyone to pet. After dinner, we went on a night tour of the zoo. The views over to Sydney were stunning. When we got back, it was time for dessert and then bed. It was fairly cold and uncomfortable in the tent. If I remember correctly, S and I giggled cause we could hear someone in another tent snoring, but we managed to get some sleep. At about 6:45 you are woken up for breakfast. Then they brought out a koala and you could pat it and get your picture taken with it. Following that, we got to go back in to the animal area and see all of the animals waking up and being fed before the zoo was open to the public. We got to go in to the giraffe exhibit while they were still in their barn and feed them carrots for breakfast. There was one that S and I just had to feed, she was old and blind so she’d just come to the door, lower her head down and stick her tongue out waiting for someone to place a carrot in her mouth! Giraffe’s have huge, long purple tongues. She looked hilarious and drunk. It was so funny to watch her. Next, we were taken in to one of the kitchens and shown how and what they prepare for some of the animals to eat. After that, our tour was over but then we stayed at the zoo for the whole day checking out all the places we had missed on the tour or had only stopped briefly on and wanted to see more of. When we were ready to leave, we hopped in a sky bucket thing that takes you over some of the enclosures and gives another great view of Sydney and the Harbour and down to the ferry building. We do pretty fun stuff.
S and I are thinking we’ll have a backyard barbeque for him once Croc and the Teacher get back from their honeymoon. Only LC and Bob Marley have seen the house so it’ll be good to have everyone over. My backyard is huge so people can camp out back if they want and if not, at least we have a big space for people to hang out in. S’s parents have a bum fire can at their house that we can hopefully bring over. S hates that I call it a bum fire, but it’s exactly what it sounds like. Well, wait, you’re bum doesn’t catch on fire, so maybe not. But you know how in movies there are homeless people who are always standing around a trashcan that has it’s trash lit on fire? That’s what this is, an old, metal trash can that we throw some logs in and light up. So we stand around when it gets cold warming our hands, like bums in the movies do.
It’ll be for S’s birthday and it’ll be a BBQ but I’m hoping S agrees that it doesn’t have to be a proper Aussie BBQ. I hate proper Aussie BBQ’s. Here’s why, I thought Australia was known for it’s barbeque….Put another shrimp on the barbie and all that (which by the way, wrong, they call them prawns not shrimp) but they are soooo uncreative in their barbeques. We do it way better in America. If you are invited to an Aussie BBQ you will find 1) snags, sausages, and not good ones like you’d get back home, not even as good as cardboard, they taste funny and they are mostly made of breadcrumbs 2) rolls of bread with butter, they have hot dog buns here but no one uses them 3) An aussie salad- iceberg, tomato, tasty cheese, cucumber, and some onion 4) maybe pasta salad or a potato bake or some rissoles (like really gross homemade hamburgers or something). I could pretty much guarantee 99% if you were going to a bbq here that’s what you would get. Not steak or ribs or chicken or hamburgers or hot dogs or shish kabobs or any of the variety of stuff you’d get in California. I’m not a huge fan and we have A LOT of bbq’s in our group. I just normally try to bring something for myself, I don’t mind the bread or salad or whatever, but the meat really kills me. So I’m hoping S will let me do simple appetizers, hamburgers and chicken burgers with potato chips, and aussie salad for dinner, and cupcakes and marshmallows to roast on the fire for dessert. The group seemed to love the Mexican food and whatever else I made at the last party so hopefully they will like this, as well.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To
I wonder how many blogs out there have that as a title to a post? I called home for my REAL birthday, according to Californian time. I was still waiting on the package from my family to arrive and hoped I would get it that night. It did come that day and S brought it over that night. I jumped to rip it open. First thing I saw was a note from Quarantine saying that they had checked the box. Ok, no worries, they normally do that. Next, I saw two bits of tissue paper with nothing in them. One said to Lil D from Mom and the other said to Lil D from Dad. The tea that they had sent at my request had been confiscated. At that point I was bummed and crying, just disappointed that the stuff hadn’t made it through and that Mom and Dad had spent all that money to buy and send the stuff and I didn’t even get it. Next, I opened the gifts from Nae. She had sent me really cute bras from Target, unfortunately they were one size too small, even though I had sent her an email giving her my size. Now I was really crying. S was so upset watching me cry. He felt bad that a happy event had gone so wrong. I emailed my Mom and she felt so bad too, I didn’t want her to, I just felt bad about her sending stuff and it not making it. I don’t care about the stuff, it’s just stuff, but I care about the time and effort it took for my family to get and send the stuff and it not work out. I emailed the tea placed cause it said online that they send that tea themselves here to Australia. They were super nice (Go Peet’s Coffee and Tea!!) and sent me two packs of Ice Tea for free. I’ve got it cooling in the fridge now. I sent back the bras to my family, along with a few little surprised for them, and hopefully Nae will send me back the right sized bras and some Girl Scout Cookies.
Stay What You Are
S and I went and saw Alkaline Trio and Saves the Day in Sydney. It was so much fun. Oh, there is a big stick bug on my kitchen window right now. How cool! I have seen some big one’s while I’ve been here. This one landed on S’s screen one time and it should have been called a branch bug it was so big! Anyway, back to the bands. We hadn’t been to a show in forever so it was good to go. We stood right in the front and in the middle. Between us and the stage was just a group of punk rock lesbians, who weren’t there for Saves the Day who just made out and texted the whole set. We were so annoyed, I don’t want to see anyone making out at a show, how rude was it for the band to see you bored in the front row, and let someone up who really wants to rock out with the band. So I sang and danced along and it was so cool. Chris seems like a normal, dorky guy. So does Manny. He looks like an Indian/Sri Lankan version of Steve Urkel. They had this other guy, the bass player and he had on a hippie leather vest and a hippie headband, and long hair and a mustache. Really similar to what I think my Dad looked like after high school in all honesty. It was a great set and I wished they would’ve played longer. It was even cooler because after they played, Chris and Manny came out to the bar and were happy to chat and take pictures with anyone who would ask. I went up and said Hey to Chris and I felt like such a dorky fan girl. All I could say when shaking his hand was, “I think your awesome” and while that is true, what I really wanted to say is “your music is awesome and has changed my life and has helped me through some really tough times. You are an amazing song writer and I hope I get to see you guys again soon.” Whatever, he was still super nice and not stand offish at all. Alkaline Trio came on and they put on a really good show, too. They played a handful of songs from their album From Here to Infirmary and that’s the only CD of theirs that I know. I listen to it because it reminds me of Nae, she is so blonde and surf-y but when you see her artwork (she had a double degree in enviro science and art) and listen to the music she likes, you realize she’s pretty dark and twisted!
I Made a Crumble, Teacher Said Mine Was the Best One
Obviously, I like to eat. Oh but, P.S., before we go on, it’s not like I’m some big disgusting beast or anything, I’m heavy but I’m still cute and I think I carry my weight well. Some days I have confidence and a decent level of self-esteem. S is a pretty handsome guy, other people even say so, and he tells me all the time how beautiful I am. That has to count for something, right? I’d still totally love to be skinny and I’m working on losing weight, but I just didn’t want anyone who reads this who doesn’t know me to think I’m like this massive blob.
Ok, so obviously I enjoy eating and I also enjoy cooking and trying new recipes so I thought I’d start posting some of the recipes I really like. I’ll try and get pictures up, too.
The first recipe is for a raspberry crumble (I think it’s a crumble, and not a crisp, anyway, it’s fairly cheap to make and tasty). This is awesome with some vanilla ice cream or just by itself or sometimes I just like to make the topping and eat it either raw or baked on it’s own like a cookie. My Dad “gags” this one down; for the most part he and I live by the dessert philosophy that “If it isn’t chocolate, it isn’t dessert.”
Preheat the oven to 350F.
You’ll need:
-4 cups/one box of frozen raspberries, I’ve never used fresh but they’d probably work too, and raspberries are the only fruit I’ve used but you can use whatever you like
-1/3 cup of granulated white sugar
-1/2 of lemon
-1 cup of flour, plus 3 tablespoons for tossing with raspberries
-1/2 stick of butter
-1/3 cup of brown sugar
-3/4 cup of quick cooking oats
-Some kind of baking dish
In a bowl toss about 4 cups of frozen raspberries (I just typically use whatever is in one box worth of frozen fruit from the store), that have been slightly defrosted with 1/3 cup of granulated white sugar and 3 tablespoons of flour.
Pour mixture in to an oiled baking dish.
Squirt a half of a lemon on top of the raspberries.
In a separate bowl, combine a half stick of softened butter, 1 cup of plain flour, ¾ cup of quick cooking oatmeal, and about 1/3 of a cup of brown sugar (it it doesn’t taste sweet enough, add more brown sugar, and if it doesn’t seem like there is enough butter, as in not all of the flour is getting “moist”, then cut in some more). You should cut the butter in to the flour, sugar, oatmeal mixture and it should be combined but a chunky mixture.
Cover the raspberries with the oatmeal crust mixture.
Throw it in to the oven for between 30-45 minutes, you’ll know it’s done when the top looks golden brown and you’ll more than likely see some of the raspberry mixture bubbling through the top.
Serve with vanilla ice cream on top, if you want, if not, it’s awesome on it’s own.
I know this doesn’t really seem like a super accurate recipe, but it’s sweet stuff, you can’t really go wrong with it. Sometimes I need to add more butter or more brown sugar or sometimes I forget the lemon. It’s an easy recipe and pretty hard to screw up.
Ok, so obviously I enjoy eating and I also enjoy cooking and trying new recipes so I thought I’d start posting some of the recipes I really like. I’ll try and get pictures up, too.
The first recipe is for a raspberry crumble (I think it’s a crumble, and not a crisp, anyway, it’s fairly cheap to make and tasty). This is awesome with some vanilla ice cream or just by itself or sometimes I just like to make the topping and eat it either raw or baked on it’s own like a cookie. My Dad “gags” this one down; for the most part he and I live by the dessert philosophy that “If it isn’t chocolate, it isn’t dessert.”
Preheat the oven to 350F.
You’ll need:
-4 cups/one box of frozen raspberries, I’ve never used fresh but they’d probably work too, and raspberries are the only fruit I’ve used but you can use whatever you like
-1/3 cup of granulated white sugar
-1/2 of lemon
-1 cup of flour, plus 3 tablespoons for tossing with raspberries
-1/2 stick of butter
-1/3 cup of brown sugar
-3/4 cup of quick cooking oats
-Some kind of baking dish
In a bowl toss about 4 cups of frozen raspberries (I just typically use whatever is in one box worth of frozen fruit from the store), that have been slightly defrosted with 1/3 cup of granulated white sugar and 3 tablespoons of flour.
Pour mixture in to an oiled baking dish.
Squirt a half of a lemon on top of the raspberries.
In a separate bowl, combine a half stick of softened butter, 1 cup of plain flour, ¾ cup of quick cooking oatmeal, and about 1/3 of a cup of brown sugar (it it doesn’t taste sweet enough, add more brown sugar, and if it doesn’t seem like there is enough butter, as in not all of the flour is getting “moist”, then cut in some more). You should cut the butter in to the flour, sugar, oatmeal mixture and it should be combined but a chunky mixture.
Cover the raspberries with the oatmeal crust mixture.
Throw it in to the oven for between 30-45 minutes, you’ll know it’s done when the top looks golden brown and you’ll more than likely see some of the raspberry mixture bubbling through the top.
Serve with vanilla ice cream on top, if you want, if not, it’s awesome on it’s own.
I know this doesn’t really seem like a super accurate recipe, but it’s sweet stuff, you can’t really go wrong with it. Sometimes I need to add more butter or more brown sugar or sometimes I forget the lemon. It’s an easy recipe and pretty hard to screw up.
Monday, March 23, 2009
This is Why You're Fat
Is an awesome website (http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/). I’m a fat kid but those pictures and the levels of gluttony on that site even make me feel a little queasy. Speaking of all things fat, here in Australia you can get a “mayonnaise swirl” on your pizza! Barf! You used to be able to get a fried egg on your pizza here, too, but I don’t know if they still have that. One place also had a “surf and turf” pizza with steak and shrimp on it. I can see going to a fancy pizza place for dinner and splurging on something like that, but this is just a regular chain pizza place that delivers and the pizza costs like $10. It doesn’t sound appetizing at all. Last weekend S and I tried this local wood fire place and the only chicken pizza they had had sesame seeds and honey on it; it was definitely different. I think I’ll stick with my pizza margarita.
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I was healthy and a decent weight in high school but since I graduated I’ve gained a bunch of weight. I think I just got lazy: I went from getting up at 5am 3 times a week to surf, plus surfing most afternoons, to eating all the time with the loser exbf and working fulltime, plus being a fulltime college student. If I lived back in Orange County and had a surfing buddy, like I had in Nae in high school, I would love to get back in to bodyboarding. Here I am deathly afraid of getting eaten by a shark. We’ve just had 3 attacks in 3 weeks in my state, so I don’t feel like I’m being irrational. I was able to lose a bunch of weight and got to go on the trip to Hawaii, but I’m embarrassed to say, I put it all right back on after the trip. Last year was a pretty stressful year trying to finish up and I just didn’t focus on my health at all. While I was back home, Dad bought me some Hydroxycut and it seemed to really work for the time I was taking it before S came to town. I am back to taking it now and it totally kills my appetite. This time it hasn’t killed my cravings though, I am trying to be good and for the most part am fighting them off on my own. I’m already down a few pounds this week, and some might be water weight, though I don’t know cause I have to drink between 8-10 glasses of water a day. S is also feeling chubby, he’s not, he’s normal, he’s just not toned, but this is good cause he wants to be more active. I live close to a lake so last weekend we did an hour and a half walk near the lake on one day and the other day we mowed my football field/jungle of a lawn and that took us about 2.5 hours. He is also going to get me a beach cruiser bike sometime soon so we can ride around the lake and down to the beach and stuff. Being outdoors doing fun stuff like that is my preferred method of working out, though it’d be nice to have a treadmill in my living room to just walk on while I watch TV. I’m here sitting around anyway, might as well make it healthy and I wouldn’t have to go like hardcore, just walking while I watch and burning some extra calories. S’s Dad has one that he’s not using anymore, but S makes a good point, as soon as we brought it over and had it, his Dad would get the urge to use it again. No one ever really grows out of being a toddler….MY Toy! Haha, oh well.
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I was healthy and a decent weight in high school but since I graduated I’ve gained a bunch of weight. I think I just got lazy: I went from getting up at 5am 3 times a week to surf, plus surfing most afternoons, to eating all the time with the loser exbf and working fulltime, plus being a fulltime college student. If I lived back in Orange County and had a surfing buddy, like I had in Nae in high school, I would love to get back in to bodyboarding. Here I am deathly afraid of getting eaten by a shark. We’ve just had 3 attacks in 3 weeks in my state, so I don’t feel like I’m being irrational. I was able to lose a bunch of weight and got to go on the trip to Hawaii, but I’m embarrassed to say, I put it all right back on after the trip. Last year was a pretty stressful year trying to finish up and I just didn’t focus on my health at all. While I was back home, Dad bought me some Hydroxycut and it seemed to really work for the time I was taking it before S came to town. I am back to taking it now and it totally kills my appetite. This time it hasn’t killed my cravings though, I am trying to be good and for the most part am fighting them off on my own. I’m already down a few pounds this week, and some might be water weight, though I don’t know cause I have to drink between 8-10 glasses of water a day. S is also feeling chubby, he’s not, he’s normal, he’s just not toned, but this is good cause he wants to be more active. I live close to a lake so last weekend we did an hour and a half walk near the lake on one day and the other day we mowed my football field/jungle of a lawn and that took us about 2.5 hours. He is also going to get me a beach cruiser bike sometime soon so we can ride around the lake and down to the beach and stuff. Being outdoors doing fun stuff like that is my preferred method of working out, though it’d be nice to have a treadmill in my living room to just walk on while I watch TV. I’m here sitting around anyway, might as well make it healthy and I wouldn’t have to go like hardcore, just walking while I watch and burning some extra calories. S’s Dad has one that he’s not using anymore, but S makes a good point, as soon as we brought it over and had it, his Dad would get the urge to use it again. No one ever really grows out of being a toddler….MY Toy! Haha, oh well.
Graceful Like a Deer
Yesterday I ran in to my bathtub and heard a big pop in my toes. The two closest to my pinky toe are now killing me. How do I know if they are broken? S calls me “Graceful like a deer” or “like a pro” when I do stuff like this because one time we went on a day trip up the coast and we had to dart through traffic to cross the road, I laughed and skipped across the road and said, “Look at me, I’m graceful like a deer” The words weren’t even all out of my mouth before I ran into a low brick wall next to the road. The “like a pro” comes from when he, Bun and I were drinking in my dorm room one night and I said I could chug vodka and then take a sip from a juice bottle and mix the drinks in my mouth “like a pro.” I took too big of a gulp of vodka then was still determined to sip some juice down and ended up throwing it up on my bed and near S! Like a pro indeed…
Graceful Like a Deer
Yesterday I ran in to my bathtub and heard a big pop in my toes. The two closest to my pinky toe are now killing me. How do I know if they are broken? S calls me “Graceful like a deer” or “like a pro” when I do stuff like this because one time we went on a day trip up the coast and we had to dart through traffic to cross the road, I laughed and skipped across the road and said, “Look at me, I’m graceful like a deer” The words weren’t even all out of my mouth before I ran into a low brick wall next to the sidewalk. The “like a pro” comes from when he, Bun and I were drinking in my dorm room one night and I said I could chug vodka and then take a sip from a juice bottle and mix the drinks in my mouth “like a pro.” I took too big of a gulp of vodka then was still determined to sip some juice down and ended up throwing it up on my bed and near S! Like a pro indeed…
Sunday, March 22, 2009
You Look Wonderful Tonight
The Teacher looked AMAZING. She designed her own dress and it was stunning. Her hair and makeup were flawless as well. She and Croc looked so happy last night and it was very special to get to share that time with them.
The night started out pretty drama filled. S was in charge of picking up the bridesmaids and taking them to the wedding venue. He has a classic car and so do Croc and the Soccer Player so those were to be the wedding cars. I got picked up by LC and Bob Marley. Our car drove and drove for forever following the Tom Tom’s directions. With 20 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start the Tom Tom said we had reached our destination: A dirt road and an old rickety fence. We were lost! We were so far out that none of us had any cell reception. I finally got one bar on my phone and called S and said we’re lost can you help us. He said, “Sorry, my wheel has fallen off my car, I can’t, I gotta go!” I let everyone in our car know and we laughed and felt really bad for S, but it did give us hope that we could maybe still find the venue in time. We came back out of nowhere, it took us nearly an hour, and Bob Marley was driving so fast and the road was pretty windy and I started to feel car sick. Bob Marley and LC were stressed and fighting the whole time back to the real venue. We finally pulled up to the place and saw the Teacher with her Dad and her classic car at the top of the venue’s driveway waiting for the bridesmaids and for S. They finally showed up and the wedding could begin. Croc and the Teacher both had the biggest smiles on their faces as she walked down the aisle towards him. Their vows were fairly simple and really nice. S said he would have similar vows when he got married. I had a big goofy grin on my face the whole time and tears in my eyes because I was so happy for them and was thinking about how great it would be to be the Teacher at that moment.
Poor S, all night long everyone teased him about his car. He felt so bad, not embarrassed by it, but just disappointed that he had let his good friends down. They weren’t mad about it; they were actually really nice about it and didn’t make it seem like it was a big deal. Every speech through the night had to mention the incident. It got a little bit old, but S expected it and knows he’ll be hearing about it for the rest of his life.
I didn’t drink; I’ve just been over drinking for the last 6 months. I was probably a little boring, but oh well. I had a fun night just hanging out with our friends and being bitchy, as always, with the Runner, LC, and Tinkerbell. They had 2 musicians who were playing and people danced about. I’m not a dancer so I told S to ask the Hairdresser, since her husband was in the wedding and she was solo most of the night, or to ask LC or the Runner since their boyfriends don’t really dance, but he wasn’t in the mood to dance either.
The Smooth Talker was in fine form last night. This older waitress had the hots for him and he used it to his full advantage. She came over and called him a handful when he was teasing me and S and throwing potatoes on our plates, but he had her eating out of his hands the whole night. He wanted an extra dessert so he asked her and he was the only guest the whole night who got an extra piece brought out from the kitchen. Lots of the other boys wanted second pieces but they had to suck it up or steal it from someone else’s seat. The waitress hovered over Smooth Talker’s table the whole night and the Runner just laughed about it. At the end of the night Smooth Talker went in to the kitchen of the banquet hall, even though the sign clearly said “No Admittance” to find the waitress. He got her to come out and take a few pics with him and then with him and the Runner. He even asked her for a kiss before he left (just jokingly though) and she laughed and shot him down.
S didn’t realize how drunk he was last night and now he’s totally feeling it! I always get like sympathy queasiness and headaches with him; it totally stinks. We are sitting on the couch watching crappy Sunday daytime TV and contemplating going to get some food because I have nothing in my cupboards or fridge right now.
Anyway, Croc and the Teacher know how to put on a good party and I think everyone had a lot of fun. Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Dundee!
The night started out pretty drama filled. S was in charge of picking up the bridesmaids and taking them to the wedding venue. He has a classic car and so do Croc and the Soccer Player so those were to be the wedding cars. I got picked up by LC and Bob Marley. Our car drove and drove for forever following the Tom Tom’s directions. With 20 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start the Tom Tom said we had reached our destination: A dirt road and an old rickety fence. We were lost! We were so far out that none of us had any cell reception. I finally got one bar on my phone and called S and said we’re lost can you help us. He said, “Sorry, my wheel has fallen off my car, I can’t, I gotta go!” I let everyone in our car know and we laughed and felt really bad for S, but it did give us hope that we could maybe still find the venue in time. We came back out of nowhere, it took us nearly an hour, and Bob Marley was driving so fast and the road was pretty windy and I started to feel car sick. Bob Marley and LC were stressed and fighting the whole time back to the real venue. We finally pulled up to the place and saw the Teacher with her Dad and her classic car at the top of the venue’s driveway waiting for the bridesmaids and for S. They finally showed up and the wedding could begin. Croc and the Teacher both had the biggest smiles on their faces as she walked down the aisle towards him. Their vows were fairly simple and really nice. S said he would have similar vows when he got married. I had a big goofy grin on my face the whole time and tears in my eyes because I was so happy for them and was thinking about how great it would be to be the Teacher at that moment.
Poor S, all night long everyone teased him about his car. He felt so bad, not embarrassed by it, but just disappointed that he had let his good friends down. They weren’t mad about it; they were actually really nice about it and didn’t make it seem like it was a big deal. Every speech through the night had to mention the incident. It got a little bit old, but S expected it and knows he’ll be hearing about it for the rest of his life.
I didn’t drink; I’ve just been over drinking for the last 6 months. I was probably a little boring, but oh well. I had a fun night just hanging out with our friends and being bitchy, as always, with the Runner, LC, and Tinkerbell. They had 2 musicians who were playing and people danced about. I’m not a dancer so I told S to ask the Hairdresser, since her husband was in the wedding and she was solo most of the night, or to ask LC or the Runner since their boyfriends don’t really dance, but he wasn’t in the mood to dance either.
The Smooth Talker was in fine form last night. This older waitress had the hots for him and he used it to his full advantage. She came over and called him a handful when he was teasing me and S and throwing potatoes on our plates, but he had her eating out of his hands the whole night. He wanted an extra dessert so he asked her and he was the only guest the whole night who got an extra piece brought out from the kitchen. Lots of the other boys wanted second pieces but they had to suck it up or steal it from someone else’s seat. The waitress hovered over Smooth Talker’s table the whole night and the Runner just laughed about it. At the end of the night Smooth Talker went in to the kitchen of the banquet hall, even though the sign clearly said “No Admittance” to find the waitress. He got her to come out and take a few pics with him and then with him and the Runner. He even asked her for a kiss before he left (just jokingly though) and she laughed and shot him down.
S didn’t realize how drunk he was last night and now he’s totally feeling it! I always get like sympathy queasiness and headaches with him; it totally stinks. We are sitting on the couch watching crappy Sunday daytime TV and contemplating going to get some food because I have nothing in my cupboards or fridge right now.
Anyway, Croc and the Teacher know how to put on a good party and I think everyone had a lot of fun. Congrats to the new Mr. and Mrs. Dundee!
Drunk Kid Catholic
A few weeks back, the Teacher had her bachelorette party (also called a hen’s night here). We went to the races. The title for the post is cause she’s a good Catholic girl and she got very very drunk! I hope she had fun, I had more fun than I was expecting to have because I had never been to the horse races before. We got her to do silly stuff-take funny pictures with different boys and get a lap dance. No one really won any money. From our group it was LC, Tinkerbell, and the Runner. We just had a good time hanging out and talking between races.
I spent the night at LC’s, all the boys were out camping for Croc’s bachelor (or buck’s) party. The next day was my 25th birthday. Time for a quarter life crisis! I woke up early, not feeling well, like I had a hangover but I knew it wasn’t one as I had only had like 4 drinks over the course of the whole day. LC woke up right before S came to pick me up. He got special permission from Croc to bow out a little bit early to spend the day with me. Unfortunately, we had a lot of boring errands to run for most of it. I ended up baking myself a cake while S slept off the weekend. He took me out to our favorite Italian food place and then he came back and set up my wireless internet and tried to fix my TV. He got me a funny book- funny because it’s called Homework for GrownUps, and it’s like everything you learned at school but forgot and I am constantly asking S dumb questions that he thinks I should know the answer to as an adult and as a teacher of young children. I am also maybe getting a beach cruiser bike from him after his next pay check so we can go for beach and lake rides.
I spent the night at LC’s, all the boys were out camping for Croc’s bachelor (or buck’s) party. The next day was my 25th birthday. Time for a quarter life crisis! I woke up early, not feeling well, like I had a hangover but I knew it wasn’t one as I had only had like 4 drinks over the course of the whole day. LC woke up right before S came to pick me up. He got special permission from Croc to bow out a little bit early to spend the day with me. Unfortunately, we had a lot of boring errands to run for most of it. I ended up baking myself a cake while S slept off the weekend. He took me out to our favorite Italian food place and then he came back and set up my wireless internet and tried to fix my TV. He got me a funny book- funny because it’s called Homework for GrownUps, and it’s like everything you learned at school but forgot and I am constantly asking S dumb questions that he thinks I should know the answer to as an adult and as a teacher of young children. I am also maybe getting a beach cruiser bike from him after his next pay check so we can go for beach and lake rides.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tell All Your Friends
I do have a few good friends back home, Bun, my godsisters, my friend B from the surf shop, but I also had a lot of really shitty, awful friends, too. Even Nae says so. They let me be pathetic and got me in to some scandalous situations I would’ve rather not been in, not that it’s all their fault, but they helped. The friends here don’t really talk crap about each other, the relationships are stable, and everyone is just happy to get together and hang out. It doesn’t need to be a thing or out making a scene. There is no drama, well not a whole lot of drama, and I like that. These people seem genuine and true. I never come away from hanging out with them feeling stupid, like I’ve done something wrong, or feeling bad about myself. My “friends” from back home made me feel that way a lot. I know right, how could I even call them friends if that’s how they left me feeling? So here’s a run down of all the great people I’ve met through S:
Croc Dundee: A funny, loud guy. The center of attention. Would do anything for his friends. The first night I met him I jumped in to his freezing cold pool naked on a dare and super drunk. He makes you feel safe in unsafe situations, like he knows what he is doing. He has been dating the Teacher for about two years now and they are about to get married! Croc has also lost a crap load of weight in the last year or so and looks amazing these days.
The Teacher: A really nice girl. She also seems like she would do anything for her friends. Not whom I would have first imagined Croc with, but they just work together and seem to have fun. She gives good teaching advice, is easy to talk to, and is a really funny drunk. I’m jealous that she gets to get married before I do!
The Soccer Player: Can drink you under the table, tells some funny tall tales, was part of the dare to get me naked that first night when S was passed out-to get out of paying me, he jumped in naked, too, is a nice guy and married to the nicest girl I know-the Hairdresser
The Hairdresser: I was afraid of the Hairdresser the first time I met her because the night before meeting her was the night her fiancé (at the time) and I had jumped in the pool naked together, not like touching, but he had drunkenly seen me naked and I saw a tall nakey silhouette of him. The Hairdresser has never spoken a single bad word against any of her friends that I have heard, she is also a really great listener, her favorite phrase is “How funny” and she loves to drink and laugh and have a good time. She is also a really really hard worker and owns her own business, which I think is legit for someone my age.
The Farmer: A really sweet and quiet guy. He adores his wife, Tinkerbell, and Baby, we’ll call him Junior since he and the Farmer have the same name. He is so nice to them and seems like an awesome Dad when you watch him with Junior. He’s really proud of the little guy already. He has the best laugh and the best dance skills once you get him going!
Tinkerbell: She just had Junior not even a year ago and she has the most banging body again. I haven’t had a kid yet and she’s got a body 100x better than mine. She was really intimidating, at first, cause she’s the alpha female of the group-all the guys have known her since they were kids, so I was nervous around her wanting to make a good impression. She is sassy and funny and I love when she laughs at the random things I say. She is also a very funny drunk and she loves to go out dancing and it is funny to see her drunk with her sisters cause they all start dancing.
The Smooth Talker: The Smooth Talker doesn’t hang out very often. He is a very funny guy and really cute, all the girls have little crushes on him. I think it’s because he lives up to his name, he is definitely a smooth talker, he makes you feel good and important and like the only person in the room when you are talking. It is a nice feeling. He is also one funny guy. He was the only one to show up for the impromptu surprise birthday lunch S threw for me last year (awkward for Smooth Talker for sure, but he played it off nicely)! (Great planning on S’s part by the way-he messaged everyone that morning to come to lunch-lots of our friends work on Saturdays, but still a sweet thought) He dates The Runner, who also doesn’t hang often, but is so bitchy and funny, she holds a special place in my heart.
The Runner: Gorgeous, always laughs at herself for being so tall, was on the Australian running team and won a medal (am I wrong?) at the Commonwealth Games the last time they were held, is bitchy, bitingly funny, and gives awesome advice and good perspective on things, she is also like her boyfriend in that she makes you feel special and important when she is talking to you, we’re supposed to start working out together-intimidating! I’ll be huffing and puffing and she’ll be running laps around me!
Bob Marley: Bob Marley is a quiet guy, too, that’s why he and the Farmer get along so well I think. He is nice and I always used to be worried that he didn’t like me hanging out with LC. I like when I can make him laugh, or smirk is more like it, because normally he is so mellow. He is about to be a daddy for the first time and I think is totally stressed over that, but has made some big changes in his life for LC and the little bundle of joy and I think that is nice and responsible of him to do.
LC: My best friend in the group. Originally wanted to get to know me because I was from the OC. She is hilarious and bitchy, I call her the HBIC sometimes (the head bitch in charge). I’m glad that she decided she wanted to be friends. I accidentally cast a spell on her that made her get pregnant on a trip a way, I said jokingly that they would go away and she would get knocked up, then when she got back and before we knew she had someone growing in her, I got her really drunk on margaritas at my Mexican party. I’m an awful friend. I’m sorry LC and I’m glad we are still friends!
Those are the key players, there are other friends who we see with the group sometimes, but most weekends these are the people you can find me and S hanging out with. Next time I talk about them, I’ll have to talk about some of the adventures we’ve been on together.
Croc Dundee: A funny, loud guy. The center of attention. Would do anything for his friends. The first night I met him I jumped in to his freezing cold pool naked on a dare and super drunk. He makes you feel safe in unsafe situations, like he knows what he is doing. He has been dating the Teacher for about two years now and they are about to get married! Croc has also lost a crap load of weight in the last year or so and looks amazing these days.
The Teacher: A really nice girl. She also seems like she would do anything for her friends. Not whom I would have first imagined Croc with, but they just work together and seem to have fun. She gives good teaching advice, is easy to talk to, and is a really funny drunk. I’m jealous that she gets to get married before I do!
The Soccer Player: Can drink you under the table, tells some funny tall tales, was part of the dare to get me naked that first night when S was passed out-to get out of paying me, he jumped in naked, too, is a nice guy and married to the nicest girl I know-the Hairdresser
The Hairdresser: I was afraid of the Hairdresser the first time I met her because the night before meeting her was the night her fiancé (at the time) and I had jumped in the pool naked together, not like touching, but he had drunkenly seen me naked and I saw a tall nakey silhouette of him. The Hairdresser has never spoken a single bad word against any of her friends that I have heard, she is also a really great listener, her favorite phrase is “How funny” and she loves to drink and laugh and have a good time. She is also a really really hard worker and owns her own business, which I think is legit for someone my age.
The Farmer: A really sweet and quiet guy. He adores his wife, Tinkerbell, and Baby, we’ll call him Junior since he and the Farmer have the same name. He is so nice to them and seems like an awesome Dad when you watch him with Junior. He’s really proud of the little guy already. He has the best laugh and the best dance skills once you get him going!
Tinkerbell: She just had Junior not even a year ago and she has the most banging body again. I haven’t had a kid yet and she’s got a body 100x better than mine. She was really intimidating, at first, cause she’s the alpha female of the group-all the guys have known her since they were kids, so I was nervous around her wanting to make a good impression. She is sassy and funny and I love when she laughs at the random things I say. She is also a very funny drunk and she loves to go out dancing and it is funny to see her drunk with her sisters cause they all start dancing.
The Smooth Talker: The Smooth Talker doesn’t hang out very often. He is a very funny guy and really cute, all the girls have little crushes on him. I think it’s because he lives up to his name, he is definitely a smooth talker, he makes you feel good and important and like the only person in the room when you are talking. It is a nice feeling. He is also one funny guy. He was the only one to show up for the impromptu surprise birthday lunch S threw for me last year (awkward for Smooth Talker for sure, but he played it off nicely)! (Great planning on S’s part by the way-he messaged everyone that morning to come to lunch-lots of our friends work on Saturdays, but still a sweet thought) He dates The Runner, who also doesn’t hang often, but is so bitchy and funny, she holds a special place in my heart.
The Runner: Gorgeous, always laughs at herself for being so tall, was on the Australian running team and won a medal (am I wrong?) at the Commonwealth Games the last time they were held, is bitchy, bitingly funny, and gives awesome advice and good perspective on things, she is also like her boyfriend in that she makes you feel special and important when she is talking to you, we’re supposed to start working out together-intimidating! I’ll be huffing and puffing and she’ll be running laps around me!
Bob Marley: Bob Marley is a quiet guy, too, that’s why he and the Farmer get along so well I think. He is nice and I always used to be worried that he didn’t like me hanging out with LC. I like when I can make him laugh, or smirk is more like it, because normally he is so mellow. He is about to be a daddy for the first time and I think is totally stressed over that, but has made some big changes in his life for LC and the little bundle of joy and I think that is nice and responsible of him to do.
LC: My best friend in the group. Originally wanted to get to know me because I was from the OC. She is hilarious and bitchy, I call her the HBIC sometimes (the head bitch in charge). I’m glad that she decided she wanted to be friends. I accidentally cast a spell on her that made her get pregnant on a trip a way, I said jokingly that they would go away and she would get knocked up, then when she got back and before we knew she had someone growing in her, I got her really drunk on margaritas at my Mexican party. I’m an awful friend. I’m sorry LC and I’m glad we are still friends!
Those are the key players, there are other friends who we see with the group sometimes, but most weekends these are the people you can find me and S hanging out with. Next time I talk about them, I’ll have to talk about some of the adventures we’ve been on together.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Back in the USSR
I was back in Sydney. For the very first time I had to pay for our hotel in the city, no more putting it on Mommy and Daddy’s credit card. S and I went to Malaya. It is so damn good, that’s why we go anytime we are in the city together/can afford it. I was happy to be with him but sad about leaving my family again. I was also still worried about our future, as in-do we have one since my visa runs out for good at the end of this year? I was back to living at his parent’s place and looking for my own house or apartment to live in. The first day back on the Coast I looked at a place, it was right around the corner from my friend LC (called so because of her love for The Hills) and her boyfriend Bob Marley (he’s not black, just enjoyed the sensi lifestyle up until recently), but it was hideous. I think S agreed but didn’t want to get me upset. We went home and S’s Mom and I looked online for other places. We drove around to all the one’s in my price range that looked decent. There were two that were stand outs, one a 2 bedroom apartment right on the lake near D and his friends and the other a really old house in a family neighborhood with a huge backyard and air conditioning. My body was in shock from going from 54 degrees Farenheit through the day in California, to days that were nearly 40 degrees Celsius back here so the air conditioning felt like a necessity at that point. I called on Monday to ask about both places, the little house already had an application in and if it didn’t go through they wouldn’t be accepting another application for a week and I was really disappointed, but made an appointment to see the unit at the lake. When we got there, the lady didn’t look friendly, but once we got started talking to her she was super friendly and decided she didn’t want me living in the unit at the lake cause she didn’t think I’d be safe so she worked some magic and got my application to be looked at for the house. It took about a week and a half, but I finally heard that I got the house. Fast forward another week and I got the keys and moved in. Little did I know that I would be moving in to a house where possums party in the roof most nights, I couldn’t get any TV channels to tune in, and where the hot water heater would break after less than two weeks of living in the place. It was a possibility that I was going to have to move out so the owners didn’t have to get a new hot water heater, as they are only going to tear this place down soon to build their new house, but they decided to buy me a new one after all. Thank goodness for that!
In the mean time, all that money from Mom and Dad for graduation was quickly trickling away. I had to pay nearly $4000 Australian upfront for my house because my old property management company didn’t have my file anymore and I was considered a person without rental history, and therefore risky to rent to. Then I had to buy a refrigerator and washing machine and there went another $1600. All this time I had been trying to contact the Department of Education to see if there were things outstanding from my file that would keep me from getting my teaching number. They were so slow to email me back, like 5 days slow to say yes, we need this thing. Then another 5 days to say yes, we got it. So here it is a month and a half later and I am still waiting for my number. I thought I would’ve worked plenty of days as a substitute by now, instead I’ve been sitting on my ass, lonely, missing home, and worried about money and bills that will be coming up. I talked to the Department yesterday and apparently they have everything they need now and will get me my teaching number by Friday. Which didn't happen, they took another week before I got my teaching number. It was such a frustrating experience and I felt like they were really jerking me around. I was finally able to go out and put in resumes at local schools yesterday so now I am just waiting for phone calls for days of work.
In the mean time, all that money from Mom and Dad for graduation was quickly trickling away. I had to pay nearly $4000 Australian upfront for my house because my old property management company didn’t have my file anymore and I was considered a person without rental history, and therefore risky to rent to. Then I had to buy a refrigerator and washing machine and there went another $1600. All this time I had been trying to contact the Department of Education to see if there were things outstanding from my file that would keep me from getting my teaching number. They were so slow to email me back, like 5 days slow to say yes, we need this thing. Then another 5 days to say yes, we got it. So here it is a month and a half later and I am still waiting for my number. I thought I would’ve worked plenty of days as a substitute by now, instead I’ve been sitting on my ass, lonely, missing home, and worried about money and bills that will be coming up. I talked to the Department yesterday and apparently they have everything they need now and will get me my teaching number by Friday. Which didn't happen, they took another week before I got my teaching number. It was such a frustrating experience and I felt like they were really jerking me around. I was finally able to go out and put in resumes at local schools yesterday so now I am just waiting for phone calls for days of work.
I'm Sorry, I'm Leaving
My time in California quickly ran down, even though I stayed 3 weeks past what I had originally planned to. Mom and Dad bought me heaps of new clothes and supplies I always need for over here (tampons with an applicator, anyone?) and sent me off with my college graduation present of savings bonds, which I am currently living on. Before I left, I got to hang out with Dad and treasure hunt more, something he, S, and I had started doing nearly daily after New Years. I also got to go with Mom to the Gilroy Outlets (again, they are fabulous, I went 3 times in 3 months, got a dress that was originally $138 for $18 at Ann Taylor’s) to get new, fabulous work clothes. She is so skinny and little that she looks good in just about anything. We got her cute shoes and a totally styling purse, too. We went out that same night with Dad and Nae to celebrate Mom’s new consulting job and my graduation. Nae didn’t know we were celebrating my graduation and proceeded to bag me out about the second rate university I attended, yay!
Mom took me to the airport, there wasn’t really room in the car for Dad and it’s not really his thing, good byes and crying and all that. My bags just barely made the weight limit. I had 3 carry-ons though. Mom and I stood and hugged and cried for ages. We both agreed that it felt different this time, more final, because now I wasn’t going back for school, now I was going back to live and it could be permanent if S and I decided to get married and I didn’t come home after my work and travel year-long visa had run out. We finally let go and I tried to get through security but the lady was a Bitch and said no. So I stuffed everything in to two bags, plus carried a bunch of books and my computer in my arms, she said no again. We ran to a souvenir shop and got me a new carryon back that was bigger and I layered clothes on. I finally made it through and sweated all the way to my gate. I got lucky on the flight and got the bulk head with an empty seat between me and a very chatty born-again Christian. I thought I was going to die if I had to hear about “my own personal Jesus” anymore or relationship advice so I took a bunch of sleeping pills, put on my eye mask and passed out.
Mom took me to the airport, there wasn’t really room in the car for Dad and it’s not really his thing, good byes and crying and all that. My bags just barely made the weight limit. I had 3 carry-ons though. Mom and I stood and hugged and cried for ages. We both agreed that it felt different this time, more final, because now I wasn’t going back for school, now I was going back to live and it could be permanent if S and I decided to get married and I didn’t come home after my work and travel year-long visa had run out. We finally let go and I tried to get through security but the lady was a Bitch and said no. So I stuffed everything in to two bags, plus carried a bunch of books and my computer in my arms, she said no again. We ran to a souvenir shop and got me a new carryon back that was bigger and I layered clothes on. I finally made it through and sweated all the way to my gate. I got lucky on the flight and got the bulk head with an empty seat between me and a very chatty born-again Christian. I thought I was going to die if I had to hear about “my own personal Jesus” anymore or relationship advice so I took a bunch of sleeping pills, put on my eye mask and passed out.
Brothers Brand New
(Even though we are sisters.) I used to be a shitty sister. I don’t think I was ever truly evil or awful or anything, but I wasn’t a good sister. Or I wasn’t a good role model. My sister thought I was lame, and I was, the way I acted with the loser exboyfriend. I always considered her one of my best friends, but she didn’t ever really feel the same. She didn’t respect me and I can see why, I was at a low point in my life and I was pathetic at times.
Nae and I took a road trip down to see our grandparents and old neighbors, who are also like an aunt/cousins to us, just before I flew back here. This was like the closest I’ve felt to my sister in a long time. Actually, the whole time I was back was. She seemed so happy and accepting of me and our family. Not that we were suddenly without fault, but she decided to love us no matter what and when it got boring/irritating she had the option of peacing out and going back to her own place. Our road trip was fun, we just talked and laughed and sang. I respect her opinion and her advice on things that go on in my life. The 5 through the farmland is a pretty boring drive, but we flew along. We were dancing up a storm in our seats to this mix tape (mix CD doesn’t sound as cool) I had made for the surf shop years ago of all classic rock songs. The truckers must have loved it when we passed them dancing and singing so loudly!
My sister has her own group of really great girlfriends where she lives, they are like her second family. She said she had to create a new one when she moved up there as she was all alone. I feel like today, maybe even if she still wouldn’t call me one of her best friends, she would call me a good friend and stuff in the past is just in the past now. I could be totally wrong? Haha. Sorry this post is just me rambling and doesn't really flow. I was just thinking about her and this is what came out. Whatever she and I have right now, I love it and I love her. Heaps Smoochies ;)
Nae and I took a road trip down to see our grandparents and old neighbors, who are also like an aunt/cousins to us, just before I flew back here. This was like the closest I’ve felt to my sister in a long time. Actually, the whole time I was back was. She seemed so happy and accepting of me and our family. Not that we were suddenly without fault, but she decided to love us no matter what and when it got boring/irritating she had the option of peacing out and going back to her own place. Our road trip was fun, we just talked and laughed and sang. I respect her opinion and her advice on things that go on in my life. The 5 through the farmland is a pretty boring drive, but we flew along. We were dancing up a storm in our seats to this mix tape (mix CD doesn’t sound as cool) I had made for the surf shop years ago of all classic rock songs. The truckers must have loved it when we passed them dancing and singing so loudly!
My sister has her own group of really great girlfriends where she lives, they are like her second family. She said she had to create a new one when she moved up there as she was all alone. I feel like today, maybe even if she still wouldn’t call me one of her best friends, she would call me a good friend and stuff in the past is just in the past now. I could be totally wrong? Haha. Sorry this post is just me rambling and doesn't really flow. I was just thinking about her and this is what came out. Whatever she and I have right now, I love it and I love her. Heaps Smoochies ;)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Folsom Prison Blues
The next morning we headed back in to downtown San Francisco and caught a boat over to Alcatraz. Only Nae had been before. It’s a pretty cool place and the audio tour was really interesting. The views back to the city were awesome. I had never done it before cause I thought it was pretty touristy, but it is so worth it to go at least once. We then walked down to Boudin’s for lunch (I love sourdough bread, I crave it here, can’t find it anywhere, and they are the best makers in the world). We were gluttons and we kept walking all the way down to Ghiradelli’s. Nae and I shared a sundae, and everyone else scarfed down their own (google ghiradelli for images of these things, they are massive). We then had a really long walk back to the car and headed home. We dropped Nae at her place and went back to ours.
It was there that Mom and Dad sprung their attack: What were we doing with ourselves? Were we moving in together? Why don’t we get married? What does the future hold?
S was so uncomfortable, his parents never ask about stuff and would never call him out. It was kind of embarrassing at the time, but stuff I think S needed to hear. They really like him; they want us to be together if that’s what makes us happy. So here S is getting it both from me and my parents, sounds like a fun trip for a guy right?? Oh well, four years of dating and we’re both 25 now, well he’ll be 26 soon, and people start talking and wondering. It happened, I wouldn’t change it, though I’m sorry he was upset by it and so are my parents. They didn’t like having to say what they did, but they also want to protect me from getting hurt and also thought it was time for some action on his part. They know S’s heart is in the right place, they just also want to make sure my needs are being met.
A few days later Mom and I took S to the airport. We jumped around and I sang to him and called out things and were generally embarrassing to him as he went through security, but it also lightened the mood of him leaving and was fun. Even Mom was being and idiot with me and it made us laugh so hard.
It was there that Mom and Dad sprung their attack: What were we doing with ourselves? Were we moving in together? Why don’t we get married? What does the future hold?
S was so uncomfortable, his parents never ask about stuff and would never call him out. It was kind of embarrassing at the time, but stuff I think S needed to hear. They really like him; they want us to be together if that’s what makes us happy. So here S is getting it both from me and my parents, sounds like a fun trip for a guy right?? Oh well, four years of dating and we’re both 25 now, well he’ll be 26 soon, and people start talking and wondering. It happened, I wouldn’t change it, though I’m sorry he was upset by it and so are my parents. They didn’t like having to say what they did, but they also want to protect me from getting hurt and also thought it was time for some action on his part. They know S’s heart is in the right place, they just also want to make sure my needs are being met.
A few days later Mom and I took S to the airport. We jumped around and I sang to him and called out things and were generally embarrassing to him as he went through security, but it also lightened the mood of him leaving and was fun. Even Mom was being and idiot with me and it made us laugh so hard.
Be Sure to Wear Some Flowers in Your Hair
The family all piled in the car and headed up to San Francisco for the night. It was so clear out that you could see the Farallon Islands (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farallon_Islands), which I got really interested in after reading the book The Devil’s Teeth (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4706198) and Nae had been interested in because of her love of Great White Sharks. We didn’t really have a plan for that afternoon, I mean I had a general itinerary of what I wanted to get done, of course, but we were just driving. We ended up spending the afternoon at the new science museum (http://www.calacademy.org). It was a super cool place, I got overwhelmed by all the people there, but they had so much cool stuff. They have a living garden on the roof, an indoor rainforest, penguins, an Africa/Madagascar/Evolution Exhibit, an aquarium and lots of other things that we had to skip this trip. We then took Dad out for another birthday dinner, this time out to Thai/Malay food. We got to our hotel, Embassy Suites, and we were on the very top floor. It was one of those places with the middle all opened so you could look down and see reception, and the restaurant, and a koi pond. It made me queasy but S loved looking down and freaking me out by getting too close to the railing. Nae wasn’t feeling good so S and I went down by ourselves for a drink and dessert. We went back up to the room afterwards where we watched lots of Law and Order and Nae made me scratch her back for an hour straight and then still bitched that it wasn't long enough! S then wanted to go for a swim so I went down to watch him. We went to bed when we got back to the room and I was nearly asleep when I heard him calling me. He had just gotten a text from D saying D had crashed their pick up truck. Luckily he was ok!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Losing a Whole Year
We had all the god sisters, A, R, and J, plus two boyfriend in tow, and the rest of the travel group over for New Year’s Eve. Nae popped in, but had plans with friends so she didn't stick around for long. It was a weird night, I was still upset about the Big Sur fight and just didn’t know what was going to happen with me and S, even though he said nothing was changing because of it. I didn’t drink but still had an alright time.
We heard the coyotes in the field behind our house as we sat out by the pool and it was a really eerie sound. R's boyfriend, Emo, said it sounded like they were trying to tempt a dog away from its yard. J or R said this had happened with her dogs when she lived at home at her parents house up in the mountains. What happens is coyotes, like wolves, will send in a female in heat to attract a regular dog to follow it or they will send one coyote out to play with the dog, like "look at how much fun we're having" before running away and getting the dog to follow it. The single coyote then leads the dog back to the pack of coyotes where it gets eaten. R or J, I'm fuzzy on which sister it was said a coyote charmed her dogs and the next thing she knew they were off, in the middle of the day, chasing after it. She had to run barefoot across the property to try and get them. I think she said she ended up with a ton of thorns in her feet.
S must have hit the bottle hard, cause he was up at 3am puking in the garden. He had fun the next day watching the Rose Bowl with all the guys and learning the rules of American football. In the morning, we all took a walk down to the beach (like 15 of us) and we joked we must look like a big Mormon family or people from a commune.
Everyone left on the morning of Dad’s birthday and I was really sad to see them go, especially my godparents. I feel like I don’t see them or my godsisters enough and we grew up together, seeing each other probably a few times a month. I don’t know, I had tears in my eyes when I hugged them good bye. I hate that a whole year goes by between seeing them. They and Glen and his wife, Barbie (in a cute way, she wears all pink all the time) are like my aunts and uncles and their kids, our cousins, because Nae and I only have two uncles, no aunts, and no cousins in our real family.
We took Dad to see Gran Torino for his birthday present as he is a big Clint Eastwood fan. I was blown away by it. Lots of people didn’t like it, but it hit me right in the gut. We then went out to dinner at this seafood place at Moss Landing and watched the sea lions on the pier for a whole .5 seconds before it got too cold to be outside.
We heard the coyotes in the field behind our house as we sat out by the pool and it was a really eerie sound. R's boyfriend, Emo, said it sounded like they were trying to tempt a dog away from its yard. J or R said this had happened with her dogs when she lived at home at her parents house up in the mountains. What happens is coyotes, like wolves, will send in a female in heat to attract a regular dog to follow it or they will send one coyote out to play with the dog, like "look at how much fun we're having" before running away and getting the dog to follow it. The single coyote then leads the dog back to the pack of coyotes where it gets eaten. R or J, I'm fuzzy on which sister it was said a coyote charmed her dogs and the next thing she knew they were off, in the middle of the day, chasing after it. She had to run barefoot across the property to try and get them. I think she said she ended up with a ton of thorns in her feet.
S must have hit the bottle hard, cause he was up at 3am puking in the garden. He had fun the next day watching the Rose Bowl with all the guys and learning the rules of American football. In the morning, we all took a walk down to the beach (like 15 of us) and we joked we must look like a big Mormon family or people from a commune.
Everyone left on the morning of Dad’s birthday and I was really sad to see them go, especially my godparents. I feel like I don’t see them or my godsisters enough and we grew up together, seeing each other probably a few times a month. I don’t know, I had tears in my eyes when I hugged them good bye. I hate that a whole year goes by between seeing them. They and Glen and his wife, Barbie (in a cute way, she wears all pink all the time) are like my aunts and uncles and their kids, our cousins, because Nae and I only have two uncles, no aunts, and no cousins in our real family.
We took Dad to see Gran Torino for his birthday present as he is a big Clint Eastwood fan. I was blown away by it. Lots of people didn’t like it, but it hit me right in the gut. We then went out to dinner at this seafood place at Moss Landing and watched the sea lions on the pier for a whole .5 seconds before it got too cold to be outside.
Soco Amaretto Lime
At some point on this trip, it was a Monday (I know because we went and watched Secrets of an American Teenager! at Nae’s place afterwards), S took me and Nae on a hot date night to the Hula Lounge. We had gone there with Nae’s old boyfriend right after she graduated, I think, and it was legit. The sweet potato fries still were, but we didn't get any fancy drinks this time and I got some weird fish soup that sounded awesome on the menu but tasted like crap.
S had a good time back at Nae’s house, hanging with her and her roommate, the Camp Counselor. Camp Counselor is a girl, who like my sister, would be perfect for S’s little brother, D. CC likes to drink, is social, and seems to me from the few times I’ve met her to be an all around fun type of person. We just chatted her up and got sucked in to the Secrets show (so cheesey and awesome) and she was getting death stares from Nae the whole time when she threatened to spill secrets about Nae that she didn't want her big sister hearing.
Oh yeah, I haven’t mentioned it before, but D and Nae are like the same person just in different sexed bodies living across the world: their humor, the way they tease, the way they think and act, their interests, etc. It is cool to see them together because they just naturally worked together. Our trip to Hawaii wasn't awkward cause they could hang out and do their own thing together at times. They both like a little bit of space from their families and so one day while S and I and both sets of parents went out to lunch, Nae and D hit up the beach together instead.
Maybe one day a double wedding will be on the books for Lil D& S and Nae&D??
Also, a raccoon came to the door at Nae’s place to eat Mod and Sparticus’ cat food. I think that might have been S's first encounter with one so he was stoked.
S had a good time back at Nae’s house, hanging with her and her roommate, the Camp Counselor. Camp Counselor is a girl, who like my sister, would be perfect for S’s little brother, D. CC likes to drink, is social, and seems to me from the few times I’ve met her to be an all around fun type of person. We just chatted her up and got sucked in to the Secrets show (so cheesey and awesome) and she was getting death stares from Nae the whole time when she threatened to spill secrets about Nae that she didn't want her big sister hearing.
Oh yeah, I haven’t mentioned it before, but D and Nae are like the same person just in different sexed bodies living across the world: their humor, the way they tease, the way they think and act, their interests, etc. It is cool to see them together because they just naturally worked together. Our trip to Hawaii wasn't awkward cause they could hang out and do their own thing together at times. They both like a little bit of space from their families and so one day while S and I and both sets of parents went out to lunch, Nae and D hit up the beach together instead.
Maybe one day a double wedding will be on the books for Lil D& S and Nae&D??
Also, a raccoon came to the door at Nae’s place to eat Mod and Sparticus’ cat food. I think that might have been S's first encounter with one so he was stoked.
Road Trippin'
We were back home for a day before S and I hit the road again. This time I wanted to take S on a drive through Big Sur and down to San Simeon/Cambria. I remember going there as a child a few times and loving it. The drive along the highway took way longer than I thought cause we were stopping like every mile to take a picture of the gorgeous views, plus we left way later than we thought we were going to, so we didn’t get in to town until dark. We hit up this really cool family restaurant for dinner and then S had never been to a proper diner and he wanted a cup of coffee so we found a place and we sat at the counter and he had coffee and a piece of pie just like you always see them do in the old movies. Then we went back and had a view drinks at the bar next to our hotel. S has been getting in to Scotch lately so he wanted to try some new mixers with them. We went to Hearst Castle the next day. I had been before, I thought it was gaudy, but S really enjoyed it so that was worth it. We then went and saw the elephant seals and their babies at a nearby beach. There were also some stellar or harbor seals on the beach, too. It was pretty gross because an elephant seal had died on the beach and as we were standing there all these turkey vultures flew in and started pecking at it. S and I then drove home and got in a big fight about our future, yay! Let me tell you: tear filled eyes and windy roads do not mix!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Lion and the Lamb
The next morning we got up and Mom and Dad drove us out to this place called Safari West (http://www.safariwest.com). For S’s Christmas present, I got him a safari drive at this place. The morning was cold and drizzly, but we didn’t care. Mom and Dad went exploring through one of the local towns while we were on the drive. They had like full on real safari trucks like we had taken in Kenya, except these ones had seats on the roof of the car. S and I jumped at the chance to be the first people up on it. We drove through the park and got up close to giraffes and all these other great animals. One of the park girls even got in to the pen where the rhinos were and got them to come out from their building in to the rain so we could see them. Mom, Dad, and Nae went to Madagascar last August/September and Mom and Dad thought it was so cool that they had all these lemurs there. S and I loved the 4 cheetahs they had and you can get up really close. I was only bummed that because it was breeding time or something for them, we couldn’t get a shot with a cheetah that day. After the drive, S bought some souvenirs (his Mom loves all things giraffe) and then we headed off towards home. We stopped at a real southern style barbeque place and S and I got in some fight that I don’t remember what it was about, other than him calling me “Princess” which everyone knows I hate and is one of the things that will set me off. We then drove all through the wine country and it was really pretty. We stopped at this gorgeous building which holds the C.I.A. (Culinary Institute of America- http://www.ciachef.edu/california) and then Mom wanted to find a champagne vineyard for us to stop up. We stopped at Chandon, I think, and Dad was sweet in because he bought us a bottle to share (We later saw at Nae’s Trader Joe’s that they sell it cheaper there than at the actual winery!). I was queasy so I only had a glass, Mom had like maybe two glasses cause she was driving, and then Dad and S had to finish the bottle. I think it was a struggle as neither is a big champagne drinker. But it was still so cute that he bought it for us, thinking that we all wanted to chug some champagne.
Do You Know What I Love the Most
S came in to town, to
Finding Home
I was excited to be back in California. I was nervous to see the new place, I mean it wasn’t really MY home anymore was it? I hadn’t seen it, hadn’t lived there or grown up in that place, I wondered if I’d feel comfortable. Nae and Mom came and picked me up, Dad hates that kind of stuff, and we drove back to their place. My parents are so lucky. Nae’s house is maybe a 15 minute drive from them. They are out in farm land and have a nearly 180 degree view of the ocean from their front balcony. It is an awesome house and they set up the pool room as a separate apartment for me to stay in. It was like heaven getting in to their Jacuzzi, it was so deep, you’d sit and the water would be over your shoulders. Most mornings when I got up there would be muddy raccoon footprints all around the pool. At night we would hear and see 3 great horned owls fly around the pine trees. We went for walks pretty much daily, with Mom down to the beach, and Dad and I started doing this loop walk with a killer hill on it. Dad and I even saw a bobcat one day in the parking lot near the beach.
I had hoped to get a job at the local Target until S arrived. I applied the day after I got back. I got a rejection letter from them. Me, who already had experience working there. Me, who had a freakin college degree. I couldn’t get a job at Target! So I applied other places. Nobody called me back so I didn’t work before S came out, I had only a few hundred dollars (like 4?) in my account for Christmas presents, travels while S was here, and money to take back to Oz with me. It wasn’t looking good.
It was really nice to spend the time with my Dad everyday though. We lived at the movies, walking, treasure hunting, and at the dollar store! They have the best chain Mexican fast food place up there, Super Taqueria, I love that place.
It was a pretty stressful time for my parents. They had just moved for my Mom’s work, my Dad had retired for it, then there was rumblings that she was going to get laid off. She was freaking out. She eventually did get laid off, after Christmas, along with a boat load of other people, but she’s managed to get by and find work again so it’s turned out ok.
I had hoped to get a job at the local Target until S arrived. I applied the day after I got back. I got a rejection letter from them. Me, who already had experience working there. Me, who had a freakin college degree. I couldn’t get a job at Target! So I applied other places. Nobody called me back so I didn’t work before S came out, I had only a few hundred dollars (like 4?) in my account for Christmas presents, travels while S was here, and money to take back to Oz with me. It wasn’t looking good.
It was really nice to spend the time with my Dad everyday though. We lived at the movies, walking, treasure hunting, and at the dollar store! They have the best chain Mexican fast food place up there, Super Taqueria, I love that place.
It was a pretty stressful time for my parents. They had just moved for my Mom’s work, my Dad had retired for it, then there was rumblings that she was going to get laid off. She was freaking out. She eventually did get laid off, after Christmas, along with a boat load of other people, but she’s managed to get by and find work again so it’s turned out ok.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
A Plain Morning
Two days before I was supposed to go home, I stepped on a bee or a wasp while playing with a puppy in S’s backyard. It hurt, but I didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. The next day I had to take all my luggage and catch a train to Sydney. The foot was killing me; I could barely put any pressure on it and it had swollen up so much and was an angry looking red/purple. S took a half day at work, met me at our hotel, and we went and grabbed lunch.
The Hungry Jacks (Burger King in the U.S.) we went to is attached to the biggest movie theater in Sydney and it’s where they do all their movie premieres. There were tons of people lined up waiting for movie stars, even though they wouldn’t be there for hours. We wondered who they were waiting for, until we saw the signs: Zac I love you! Go WildCats! We had just stumbled upon a preteen gay boy’s wetdream: The High School Musical 3 Premiere. When we got back from lunch and were in our room, we could look down to the theater entrance. We think we saw a tiny Zac (whom by the way S and I call Vas Deferens because it makes me laugh and sounds similar, look it up) and Baby V waving to the camera.
I couldn’t even get my high heel on for dinner so I wore thongs to Malaya and we took a cab cause I was straight up hobbling at this point. Our hotel room was a studio apartment so it had pots and pans and stuff. I filled up a pan with cold water and tried to get ice (the hotel didn’t have ice or ice machines anywhere, WTF?) to put in it and soaked my foot for an hour before bed. I also put some toothpaste on it cause I had read online (hah) that that was supposed to help the pain. It kinda did? The next morning we woke up, grabbed a coffee, then said our goodbyes for 6 weeks while everyone was rushing passed us on a busy Sydney street trying to get to work. Of course I was crying. People probably felt sorry for me like “Who is this D-bag breaking up with his chick on a Tuesday morning in rush hour?” I made S laugh by telling him not only did people probably think he was a dick for breaking up with me in public, but he was a double dick for breaking up with in public a girl they probably through was crippled, once they saw me limping away from him!
Not gonna lie, the foot looked like a sausage and I thought it might explode and kill me on the plane ride home. Luckily it wasn’t too crowded and I got an empty seat next to me. I took an antihistamine and that didn’t make me sleepy so then I took some sleeping pills and passed out. The foot looked better in the morning but I still was a little hobbley.
The Hungry Jacks (Burger King in the U.S.) we went to is attached to the biggest movie theater in Sydney and it’s where they do all their movie premieres. There were tons of people lined up waiting for movie stars, even though they wouldn’t be there for hours. We wondered who they were waiting for, until we saw the signs: Zac I love you! Go WildCats! We had just stumbled upon a preteen gay boy’s wetdream: The High School Musical 3 Premiere. When we got back from lunch and were in our room, we could look down to the theater entrance. We think we saw a tiny Zac (whom by the way S and I call Vas Deferens because it makes me laugh and sounds similar, look it up) and Baby V waving to the camera.
I couldn’t even get my high heel on for dinner so I wore thongs to Malaya and we took a cab cause I was straight up hobbling at this point. Our hotel room was a studio apartment so it had pots and pans and stuff. I filled up a pan with cold water and tried to get ice (the hotel didn’t have ice or ice machines anywhere, WTF?) to put in it and soaked my foot for an hour before bed. I also put some toothpaste on it cause I had read online (hah) that that was supposed to help the pain. It kinda did? The next morning we woke up, grabbed a coffee, then said our goodbyes for 6 weeks while everyone was rushing passed us on a busy Sydney street trying to get to work. Of course I was crying. People probably felt sorry for me like “Who is this D-bag breaking up with his chick on a Tuesday morning in rush hour?” I made S laugh by telling him not only did people probably think he was a dick for breaking up with me in public, but he was a double dick for breaking up with in public a girl they probably through was crippled, once they saw me limping away from him!
Not gonna lie, the foot looked like a sausage and I thought it might explode and kill me on the plane ride home. Luckily it wasn’t too crowded and I got an empty seat next to me. I took an antihistamine and that didn’t make me sleepy so then I took some sleeping pills and passed out. The foot looked better in the morning but I still was a little hobbley.
For the Workforce, Drowning
While I was out dealing with cops and kids, everyone else in my course had already done that round of practice teaching, so they only had about an hour of school for 2 of the 4 weeks then the rest of the time was spent getting ready for our Departmental interviews and doing projects that needed to get done before Internship. I had to do all these things and teach at the same time. I was frantic. Everyone told me my Internship school would be a walk in the park compared to my last school and I lucked out by getting the nicest class in the school. My teacher was alright, he didn’t give me as nice of a report as I think I deserved, but that’s because he didn’t really watch me teach. It was good cause the class became mine and I really learned a lot, but bad cause then he only had the first few lessons of mine that he had critiqued to go off of when writing my final report. I really enjoyed the kids and the work and was ready for a class of my own. The staff at the school were all really great and would do anything to help any of us interns out. After our last day, they took us out to a bar. I wasn’t going to drink, but one of the young teachers (who’s husband happened to be my supervisor at the tough school) was like, “Meh, get drunk, I usually do” so I did and I was embarrassingly drunk and became emotional when I got home that night (and thankfully not at the bar!) and called S. I was just upset about my final report, especially after someone at the bar had told me that not everyone agreed with the final report either and didn’t think it reflected the effort or work I had done. So I was totally embarrassed when I saw S the next day. On top of that, I was a classy bitch and threw up on the train on the way down to his place. Luckily, I must have been psychic that day as I just happened to have thrown a barf bag and a juice box in my purse that morning!
Over the next few weeks, I got my Teacher Research Project done and had to present a portfolio to a professor and a peer justifying to them how I had achieved all of the teaching standards for NSW.
When that was all said and done, I threw myself a Mexican/Halloween/Graduation party at S’s house. It was a good night, I got most everyone super drunk ( I was still over drinking after throwing up on the train) and we had good food and a piñata and most people dressed up as a Mexican or at least Australia’s version of a Mexican or in some type of Halloween outfit. S was a cholo and I was a chola. I found a video on Youtube that was about applying makeup like a chola (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR0PykHTYY) so I tried to follow it but I have no skills and it ended up looking pretty funny. I got a sharpie and drew “Thug Life” acrossed S’s knuckles, a heart that said Madre on it, and another tattoo on his arm or chest that said Brown Pride. He also had been growing a beard/mo combo for awhile and he shaved off the beard and came out looking sooooo dirty with just the mo!
I a) couldn’t afford to keep my room while I went back home and b) had decided I wanted to live on the Coast closer to S and c)wanted to try living on my own again so I moved out of Benny Boy’s apartment in November and made my way home to California.
Over the next few weeks, I got my Teacher Research Project done and had to present a portfolio to a professor and a peer justifying to them how I had achieved all of the teaching standards for NSW.
When that was all said and done, I threw myself a Mexican/Halloween/Graduation party at S’s house. It was a good night, I got most everyone super drunk ( I was still over drinking after throwing up on the train) and we had good food and a piñata and most people dressed up as a Mexican or at least Australia’s version of a Mexican or in some type of Halloween outfit. S was a cholo and I was a chola. I found a video on Youtube that was about applying makeup like a chola (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR0PykHTYY) so I tried to follow it but I have no skills and it ended up looking pretty funny. I got a sharpie and drew “Thug Life” acrossed S’s knuckles, a heart that said Madre on it, and another tattoo on his arm or chest that said Brown Pride. He also had been growing a beard/mo combo for awhile and he shaved off the beard and came out looking sooooo dirty with just the mo!
I a) couldn’t afford to keep my room while I went back home and b) had decided I wanted to live on the Coast closer to S and c)wanted to try living on my own again so I moved out of Benny Boy’s apartment in November and made my way home to California.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
School of Hard Knocks
About 4 days after my parents left, I started my 2nd practice teaching job. It was at a rough school. The type of school where when people asked you were you were going and you told them their response was, “Ohhhhh” Again, I was nervous. I ended up with a pretty cool classroom teacher and a pretty cool supervisor. My time flew by there and I learned more there than during my first round of teaching. I started to become comfortable being in front of the class. The kids were difficult at times but I still had a lot of fun. My last day was probably the funniest/roughest day there. We had been playing t-ball for the last 3 Fridays and the classroom teacher thought I could handle it on my own for that session so he went inside. The game was going well when one of the “bad boys” wanted to have another turn batting. Not everyone on his team had gotten a first bat so I said he’d have to wait. He threw the bat down, I told him to sit down, he then said, “Get Fucked, Miss,” I asked him to repeat himself and ballsy kid that he was, he said it again. Someone got the classroom teacher and he removed the kid. The game was back to going smoothly. Then we were nearly out of time so I said anyone who hasn’t had a second bat come in to bat and everyone else go out in the field. Kids rushed to be the first to bat, a girl and a boy got the bat at the same time. They argued over who would bat first. The little boy hit the little kids with the metal bat. She fell down crying. He went running, another boy went running after him, and knocked him over. It was an awesome day. The boy who told me to get f*d’s Mom came in later and called the cops on us saying we were picking on her kid, I had to fill out an incident report. I think it’s safe to say I left a good impression on that school and they’d have me back anytime :)
Another Travelin' Song
I was so freakin stoked when my Mom told me at the beginning of May or end of April that there was a possibility she and my Dad might be coming to see me. They had sold their house and moved to Santa Cruz. My Dad had retired and now my Mom might have a trip to Singapore coming up so he would be able to go with her if the trip went through. They would do the week in Singapore then try and come down to see me for a week. I was so pumped because I had found out I wouldn’t be able to make it home for Californian summer for the year, as I had 4 weeks of practice teaching, a two week break in which I had assignments to do and an interview with the Department of Education so if they didn’t come it would be like not seeing them for nearly a year. They came and we had a great time…of course I had an itinerary because I’m anal and like to make sure that no one misses out on any of the good stuff I know about when they are in a new place. I didn’t mention it but I had one for Hawaii and one for each time S had come to California. We hit up Paddy’s Market, went to mine and S’s favorite restaurant on the Harbour-Malaya, did a day trip and a walk around Manly, had a BBQ at S’s parent’s place with all of his family over to meet mine, a whale watching trip in the rain-Mom spotted the whales for the boat, site seeing around Newcastle in the rain, Mom and Dad hung out with S’s parents and grandparents on the Coast for the day while I was at school/volunteering at a school, and then S and I took Mom and Dad to a really nice Italian restaurant at another part of the Harbour, near where we had stayed when they were last in Sydney. Saying good bye was difficult as always. This time we were in a taxi, it pulled over at a red light so I could get to Central Station so I quickly had to grab my stuff and kiss Mom and Dad good bye before the light changed. I cried the whole trip back home on the train.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Stars Are Blind
I got back to Australia and had been lucky to meet a blind guy at my bus stop before I left. I say lucky because he happened to live in my building and happened to have a room for rent when I needed it. I had no idea what it was going to be living with someone who was blind, but I shouldn’t have worried. Benny Boy is an amazing guy. He gets through life better than I do. He’s got a rockin social life, makes his way around town to the gym nearly everyday and has a fulltime job. It probably sounds naïve, I just didn’t know blind people could be so self-sufficient. He made being blind look easy! We became friends over the course of the year, but I drove him nuts because I wasn’t as tidy as he is. The guy is a neat freak, but I guess you would be, too, if you couldn’t see if you were about to touch something gross on the counter or trip over something someone had left laying around. He had a psycho girlfriend for part of the time I was there and that was interesting. He dumped her and she went crazier! His friend, another S, from work is like the sassiest guy alive and I loved listening to him talk. It was great living with a blind guy cause I could walk around naked or semi-naked and not have to worry about him catching an eyeful. The only other problem I had living there was this time I didn’t have the ensuite room, I at least still had a bathroom to myself, but it was the bathroom across the hall, so I always had to time going to the bathroom when Benny Boy was away. I know it’s not normal, I know I’m a freak, S and my family and my friends tell me all the time. I just can’t help it.
S and I had a fun year. We went horseback riding and did some cave exploring in the Blue Mountains for my birthday. We stopped in Penrith for Pizza Hut and ate it in the parking lot and this has become known as our “spot” It’s a big joke though as Penrith is a few hours from here and one of the biggest holes in the world. But when we are stressed I say, “Hey S, let’s hit up our spot” We haven’t gone back yet.
S’s birthday is right after mine and I got him a surf lesson since he had so much fun in Kauai doing it and then we went for a 4 wheel drive trip around the Stockton Dunes. Our driver said he’s seen Great White Sharks from his car in the surf line there. We saw some kind of big eagle on one of the dunes and we got to go sand boarding. It’s like snowboarding, but on your butt and on sand rather than snow, and then you have to hike all the way back up the dune yourself.
We also did a 2 night trip to Hawk’s Nest, in Port Stephens, and that was a nice, relaxing time away. It was getting to be winter so hardly anyone was there. We just went for long walks on the beach and ate good food and chilled out. It was good to get away as S is always stressed about work and I was stressing about the next 6 months and doing internship, interviews, and senior projects, as well as a mini senior thesis.
S and I had a fun year. We went horseback riding and did some cave exploring in the Blue Mountains for my birthday. We stopped in Penrith for Pizza Hut and ate it in the parking lot and this has become known as our “spot” It’s a big joke though as Penrith is a few hours from here and one of the biggest holes in the world. But when we are stressed I say, “Hey S, let’s hit up our spot” We haven’t gone back yet.
S’s birthday is right after mine and I got him a surf lesson since he had so much fun in Kauai doing it and then we went for a 4 wheel drive trip around the Stockton Dunes. Our driver said he’s seen Great White Sharks from his car in the surf line there. We saw some kind of big eagle on one of the dunes and we got to go sand boarding. It’s like snowboarding, but on your butt and on sand rather than snow, and then you have to hike all the way back up the dune yourself.
We also did a 2 night trip to Hawk’s Nest, in Port Stephens, and that was a nice, relaxing time away. It was getting to be winter so hardly anyone was there. We just went for long walks on the beach and ate good food and chilled out. It was good to get away as S is always stressed about work and I was stressing about the next 6 months and doing internship, interviews, and senior projects, as well as a mini senior thesis.
Mele Kalikimaka
We met S and his family in Kauai at the airport. They had already been there a few hours. We put my name on their rental car so that I could drive them around. We drove the 30 minutes to the house we were staying in and it was beautiful! We had an ocean view over to our favorite beach in Poipu. The parents each had their own bedroom suites upstairs, plus the kitchen, a tv room, and an extra bathroom. Downstairs, S, D (S’s brother), Nae and I had a bathroom, two bedrooms, a tv area, an outdoor shower, and an air hockey table. S, D, Nae, and I all got in to our bathing suits and wanted to body surf. I told D to bring his fins as it was a pretty rough spot to get out at and there were tons of submerged rocks. He said, “Nah, I’ll be right” As soon as he got in to the water, he decided to run back and get his fins. That night we cooked fish tacos ( a first for S’s family) at home and it was so nice to see my parents get along and get along well with S’s. The next morning we got up and went for a snorkel. Nae told us to dive under water and stay there and listen. We could hear humpbacks singing to each other, Magic! We then went back home and got dressed and headed out to see the “Grand Canyon of Hawaii” Waimea. Over the week we drove over the whole island. We did lots of snorkeling and saw tons of whales, though not while we were in the water. S and his family took a helicopter trip around the island. We went to a luau where I got very drunk on mai tais, though I’m a light weight and no one else did. When we got back to the house, D, dressed up in a hula girl costume his girlfriend had gotten him. We saw Spouting Horn, went to Hanalei, and to Ke’e beach. My mom and S’s Mom saw Pierce Brosnan riding by on a bike near Princeville, I guess he has a house there. The boys and Nae went for a surf. S and I managed to get a date night in by just ourselves one night and that was special and nice to be alone for a bit just to dissect how it was all going. On our last night together, my parents took us all to the Beach House restaurant (http://www.the-beach-house.com/). It was a great meal and the perfect ending to being in Kauai together. The next day Mom and Dad took off to go back home and S’s family, Nae and I headed over to Oahu. While there we did touristy stuff like go to Cheeseburger in Paradise, the outdoor markets, and just hang out along Waikiki Beach. We also hit up the zoo, which was pretty cool and pretty big for being right in the city, and then ran in to a parade for the U of H football team who had just won some championship or something. A guy from my high school class was the quarterback which would’ve been funny to see him, but he wasn’t there. The next day we rented a car and I drove us all to the North Shore. The waves were huge! It was so cool to be there and see waves like that. We even saw Bun’s Mom’s house which overlooks Sunset Beach. S, Nae and I got Mexican for lunch and S’s family decided they weren’t that adventurous (remember, Mexican is like nonexistent in Oz, which sucks for me because I was raised by a Mexican nanny, my Mom #2, and Mexican food was like the staple of my diet) so they got burgers or pizza. Nae was coming down with bronchitis or pneumonia or something at this point and was not feeling well/in a good mood for our last night in Hawaii. She kicked S out of our room fairly early so she could get some sleep. The next morning we were up and out by like 5 to drop S’s family at the airport. Nae and I then hit up Denny’s til it was time to return the car and catch a flight back to Kauai then back to Orange County.
I had a garage sale when I got home and made bank. The house was looking really good, I thought, after my friend Chiara, from grade school had helped me with some new bedding and stuff to freshen up the inside.
I had a garage sale when I got home and made bank. The house was looking really good, I thought, after my friend Chiara, from grade school had helped me with some new bedding and stuff to freshen up the inside.
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