I Hope You Had the Time of Your Life

Just recently Bun's little sister Mini-Bun posted her Prom pictures and gosh did that make me feel really, really old! Mini-Bun was 9, maybe 10, when we graduated from high school so it's surprising how fast the end of her own Senior year has snuck up on us. Mini-Bun looked stunning and like a true California surfer girl on her big day. She looked stylish and effortless and that's due to the fact that I believe she did her own hair and makeup and reused a dress from a previous dance. Who does that?! Who is that cool at 17-18 to say, "Hey Mom, it's cool, I don't need a new dress to the big dance because I've got one that I've already used that will work great again"? Mini-Bun=Awesome!

Seeing her Prom pictures and coupled with the fact that I just saw a friend's Facebook page that is still covered with pics of her and her old high school crew got me thinking about my own Prom night and what a blast it was. I had been to 3 other dances over the 4 years of high school and all of them were awkward/awful. As a freshman I went to the Homecoming dance with a boy I had gone to grade school with. He didn't go to my same high school and I didn't know anyone there and we hadn't seen each other in 6 months so we didn't have a lot to talk about and I can't remember if we danced or not. As a junior I thought I was asking a cute guy I had met once to the dance and my friends were going to ask his friends so we could all go in a group. They never got around to actually asking the friends so there I was again with a guy I didn't really know, but luckily he was friends with my sisters boyfriend at the time so we kindof hung with them for the night. We left as soon as we were allowed to and went back to Bun's house. At this point I kind of liked the guy, but he didn't seem to be paying enough attention for my liking. So I decided to get drunk for the first time in my life off some blue koolaid and vodka concoction that Bun and her cousin had whipped up. I ended up drinking way too much and acting like a complete tool, even saying I was going to jump off the balcony on to Bun's Mom's Navigator (3 feet) below! (What did I think I was going to accomplish, a sprained ankle?? Haha, so dramatic! I still can not talk to Bun's cousin without her bringing up "I'm going to jump on the Navi" without fail, soooooo not fun introducing her to new people, especially new boyfriends who always got to hear the story, too!) (P.S. Sorry Mom for getting drunk at 16 and you not knowing until now. I guess there is a reason for the legal drinking age not to be 16!) So the dance date took off and we never spoke again because he didn't want to deal with that kind of bullshit, rightly so. The next dance I went to was Homecoming my senior year. I thought I was going in a small group of the cool kids, but turns out it was more like the top 100 coolest kids, and me and my date didn't get an invite to their after party...ouch! I also hated my shoes, wasn't a huge fan of my dress, none of my real friends were at the dance, and my date was the Loser ExBoyfriend who didn't go to the school.

Finally, finally, for senior Prom everything came together. We partied with the football boys every weekend and I sat next to one of the team captains in Math that year and we really hit it off. We had made out one weekend (sorry, again, Mom, and it was just making out), but really only because Bun had left us alone downstairs at her house and I was too young and dumb to say "No" to a popular boy. I mean, he didn't force me or anything, that's not what I'm saying, but I would've been happy not to make out with him that night, too. Anyway, so all of us decide we should go as a group and hire a limo, do pictures together, then have an after party at someone's house. The Team Captain asked me by bringing me two different bouquets at lunch one day and I was excited to be going with him because we were really good friends by then and the Loser ExBF was out of the picture for the moment.

The night of Prom I was running late because Nae wanted to follow us over to where we were going to be taking pictures beforehand to have her pictures done there, too, but her friend was running late and I finally just had to go. I got there and the Team Captain was pretty pissed because picture time was over and we had to leave and he and I only got a snap or two before jumping in the limo, but as we were taking those few quick snaps he said something really nice- "that I looked so beautiful, I was worth the wait"...awwww!

On the ride over to the Long Beach Convention Center, we laughed and talked and had a good time and then one of the boy's pulled out a bong, nicknamed Snoop Bong, and started taking huge rips off of it. Me, Bun, and Candie (another old friend whom I've only briefly wrote about to chronicle the demise of our friendship) just thought it was hilarious, but the other girls in the group who we weren't really close to were spazzing out and saying we were all going to get contact highs or wreak of pot smoke and not be allowed in to the dance (and they were the types of girls who had those huge, poofy princess dresses so smoke probably could've hid up under one of their layers or something) so the guy put the bong away. As we walked in to the dance, we took our couples photo and group photo. The picture of me and the Team Captain is a great one- I am standing with my back to his chest and just as they were taking the picture the Team Captain whispered something really naughty in to my ear that made me laugh and that is our picture- him with a big smile and me mid-laugh. I also got a great picture with Nae- we are both in our fancy black dresses and I had her jump up in to my arms like I was a groom carrying her across the threshold.

The rest of the dance I had a great time running around and chatting with people and taking pictures with friends I was only going to see for two more weeks of school. The Team Captain was in fine form, having mixed some Shrooms in with his Mac n Cheese when we got to the dance and he was super funny to hang with. We had one dance that night and not being a dancer that was enough for me and the Team Captain being the charmer he is danced with tons of girls the whole night and it was nice to not be with a boyfriend where I'd have to care or be jealous if he spent the night dancing with other girls.

Prior to the dance, the Team Captain and I told people if they couldn't think of anyone to write for Prom King and Queen, vote us. I thought it was a bit of a joke because I was pretty anti school spirit. A lot of people in my homeroom thought it was funny so they put us down. Well, a friend of my sister's was on the dance committee or student council had come up to her a few days before the dance and told her that we had enough votes to make it on to the court, but I guess with school politics we somehow didn't make it on the ballot. Didn't matter in the end, the two nicest kids from our class won it and I thought that was pretty great.

At the end of the night we piled back in to the limo and headed out to a ritzy community in the hills above Newport Beach to spend the night at the Co-Captain's (and Bun's date) house. I must have been pretty tired because I don't remember much from the night. I got upstairs early to claim a couch because Princess D doesn't really do well sleeping on floors. After I had gotten in my pajamas, the Team Captain came upstairs and asked me if we were going to hook up that night. I said "No" and he, ever the gentleman, asked if it was okay if he went and hooked up with someone else! I said "Sure, go for it, good luck!" or something to that effect and then the Team Captain proceeded to whip out his guitar and serenade me with this reggae song that I loved how he sung before going off to fulfill all of his stereotypical Prom night fantasies. It was really, really nice and honestly, I thought it was a perfect night and a perfect Prom. I had fun, I looked good, there was no stress, and I got to spend it with all the people who meant the most to me at that point in my life.

So, did reading this bring back any fun or funny dance memories for any of you? Did anyone lose their virginity in the back of a limo or the back of a Ford Fiesta that night? Did you love what you wore? Hate what you wore? Go with someone your regretted or your future spouse? What was the highlight or lowlight for you that night?

I fell in love with her, my little Surfer Girl

I lived a very privileged life growing up...I went to a private school, had a couple of cars passed on to me by my parents (including a Jag that I trashed only a few weeks after receiving my license...that's kind of a fun story to tell, I might post about it some time), and I didn't have to work through high school. I was free to hang out on weekends and surf and after school was also spent at the beach or doing homework and just hanging out. It was a very rude awakening then for little princess me when the summer I graduated high school my Dad told me it was time to find myself a job. I figured I would just continue to hang out, collect allowance, and attend college for 12 or whatever hours a week. I bitched and cried and didn't want to get one. The truth is, I hate change. I was overwhelmed at the thought of starting college and getting a job for the first time all at once. So I searched and searched and got an interview at Target and got the job, but then decided I didn't want to work there at all. I spread my search out further and decided since I was planning on moving to Huntington Beach, I might as well look for a job there. I ended up getting called in for interviews at both the Jack's Newport location and the Jack's Huntington location. I was skinnier then and thought I looked cute in a surf brand tank, some jeans, and some Reef sandals, but when I was offered the job at the Huntington location the manager was like "We wear mostly t-shirts and jeans here, nothing too revealing" so I took it to mean I wasn't allowed to wear my tank top anymore. It blew my mind to then see what the girls from the girls' store would get away with wearing and I laughed later when my friend Crystal told me she had basically been told the only thing that we weren't allowed to show up in was just our bathing suits.

Anyway, so I started work the day before I started my first day of college and I was nervous. I didn't know the protocals. I didn't know if I had to ask permission to use the bathroom quickly or anything and I wanted to do a good job (because while I am lazy off the job, I like to do a really good job when I am working). The first month and a half were pretty boring; I either guarded the dressing rooms to make sure people weren't stealing stuff/hooking up in them or worked one of the sections of the store folding shirts and helping customers find stuff. I was stoked when I got asked to work on the registers and that's when I started loving the job. The girls I worked with: Jen, Crystal, and K-10 were so much fun and it was so cute to see who in the store had a crush on which girl (one of the couples that developed then is still together now, 5 years later!). There was also one boy, Hung, who worked the registers and he was in with all the owners and friends with all their sons/nephews. Once I started working the registers, I also got to know the boys who sold the boards and wetsuits better. One by one my girls started leaving to start school somewhere else or to get married or whatever. Hung went to work in the main office and develop the Jack's website ( http://www.jackssurfboards.com/) and I was left to take over as the head cashier. At this point, I got to know all the owners really well and stopped being afraid of them. I still miss getting harassed by Bob, Ron, Little Mike, Sean, and Jamal (all co-owners) and Moe (the security guard) at least once a shift. I also got to start ordering some of the merchandise for the front counters, along with Bob's permission.

A year had passed and I thought I'd leave Jack's and do surf lessons instead as the pay was better and it meant never having to work until 10:00pm (we were open from 8am-10pm, every day of the year except Christmas). I worked my last day and then went away to chaperone a surf trip to Fiji with my old surf team. Over there I realized I wanted to come back and work at Jack's so I came back with my tail between my legs and asked for my job back. I think I got punished and put back on the floor for a little bit, but then the big yearly comp, the U.S. Open of Surfing, came to town and they needed all hands on deck and I got thrown back on a register.

Time passed and I was kindof goofing off at school and doing the bare minimum. I was still passing and still getting good grades, but I was doing school around work rather than working around school. It got to be that I had worked at Jack's for about a year and a half, only half the people or less that I had originally started with were still there and those were mostly managers or guys who had been working the surfboard section for a few years.

I remember one day these two giggly girls came strolling in to the store with their arms linked together. One had wavy, red hair and the other had long, super straight, dark brown hair. I rolled my eyes and was like "who hired the high school chicks again?" I think I even asked my friend Heidi about them...like who they were, what their deal was and all that. Turns out, they'd soon become my best friends at the shop. On my 20th birthday I trained Bri on the registers and really liked her personality. From there I looked forward to seeing her on shift and hanging out with her and then once she had warmed up to me, her friend Katie did, as well.

A few months later, Nae was back from her first year away at college and I had probably the best summer of my life. Nae came to work at the shop and we had so much fun working together along with Heidi, Bri, and Katie. The time seemed to fly by and we were the cool kids at work so we got away with plenty. We were friends with the managers, like Cheyne, Kenny, and Peter, as well as with nephew's/sons of the owners like Hemzeh and Akram and they'd all hang out near the counter and joke and gossip with us all day, too. At night, I'd head to Bun's apartment and drink a lot and I found out as I stumbled around her pool area one night that Bri and Katie lived just about 5 doors down from her in the same apartment building! Other nights we would pick up Heidi and her and Nae and I would go to parties at Kenny and Geoff's place to hang with everyone from work. I was single at this point and it was just fun to hang out with all my friends and not worry about my stupid exboyfriend. I really can't explain it now or make it seem as fun as it was, I guess, in this post, but it was a great time in my life.

Halfway through the summer the owners me to help out and help manage the girls' store for some shifts. There was a newly hired manager in the girls' store that didn't fit in to the Jack's mode of things, in my opinion. Not looks wise because I'm not the stereotypical blonde surfer girl that you'd think would be working at a surf shop either, but just she'd make the girls do dumb stuff like write about their shift after it was done, like "I liked this about today's shift....I didn't like this about today's shift..." and I thought it was dumb, corny, and unnecessary. So being immature and 20, I wrote her a note saying I thought these end of shift notes were dumb and wasting our girls' time, I mean they were working 8 hours for minimum wage and then they were supposed to write a mini diary entry each day when they were done? Lame! So I think I was promptly sent back to my head cashier position at the main store. I don't think I really got in trouble, the summer season was just over so they were slowing down at their store and didn't need my help. Not two weeks later this newly hire manager got fired for taking in dodgey checks from her friends for a significant amount of merchandise...dumbass!

That was another thing that blew my mind: how many people got fired for stealing or doing dumb stuff like that. I think retail jobs are like that in general. I never took anything, not even a bar of wax or stickers or anything without permission. I got good discounts on all the things I wanted so stealing just never seemed worth it to me, but to lots of people the appeal of all that cool stuff sitting around was too tempting.

Anyway, so summer ended and Nae had gone back to school and by this time I had been accepted to the University out here so I knew my time at Jack's was coming to an end. Those last four months were still a lot of fun. I looked forward to coming in and seeing all my friends and sad that it was going to end. Katie, Bri, and I started calling our crew the "Jack's Elite Crew" and on my last shift with them I brought in cookies and shirts that I had made for them with their names and Jack's Elite Crew on them. They also threw me a party at their place with everyone from the shop pretty much coming. I got sloppy drunk, I think I asked Cheyne to make out a few times, and then drove him and Hung home with my friend Patty and as we were walking to our car I decided I would do a sneak run and jump on to Hung's back and instead jumped on him and knocked him over...I was so embarassed when I remembered the next day and again when I saw him a few days later. But in general I thought it was so cool that the girls had thrown me a party and everyone had turned out (whether it was for me or just for a party didn't matter, they were there). Leaving was really sad, but I thought I'd be back that summer to start working again and told everyone as much. I ended up not coming back to the U.S. until that Thanksgiving when I went back to Jack's and asked if I could work the season for them. The boys were all still there, but by that time Bri and Katie had found other jobs and Heidi had had a baby!

I still look back on my time at Jack's as one of the best times in general in my life. I was part of the family and it was a big, crazy, fun family to be a part of. I'm still friends with Bri and Katie and try and see them whenever I go home. Bri and I talk a lot over email and she had even asked me to be in her wedding (but I couldn't because I didn't have enough money to go home this past May)! I haven't talked to Heidi since right after she had her baby, but I'd love to get in contact with her again and I know Katie still talks to her so maybe there is some hope there. Just recently Cheyne added me on Facebook and through him I found Hung, and my other friend Peter just popped up in my "People You May Know" feature. I don't talk to any of them on there, but it's nice to just have that link to them still and know that I could talk to them if I wanted to. I'd also love to pop in and see the owners at some point because they were all really good guys and I miss them and their advice.

Like I said, this post doesn't do it justice because I don't have any really crazy stories to tell (well, except for this time this guy K-Rod "borrowed" my phone and took it in to the bathroom and took 5 pictures of himself posing in his underwear on my phone for me, or the time Nick and Aaron Carter came to the store, or the time I rang up one of the lesser known Jackass guys, or the time when we made fun of someone's girlfriend for wearing Barbie pink blush really heavily, or every week when the handicapped group would come in and their care taker would hit on one of the other cashier's and tell her how he'd like her to check out his studio and how he'd like to paint her) but overall it was just the whole experience of working there that was great and I will always look back on that time very, very fondly.

Wastin' Away Again in Margaritaville

Saturday afternoon Boyfriend and I got ready and headed down to meet Stylez and Turk for a fun night of Mexican and booze, or as we call it: a Mexibooze night, and karaoke. We were running late and so was Stylez so once we got there we started our walk to find a cab into Glebe and to the restaurant- The Flying Fajita Sistas. Once there, we met up with another friend whom Stylez, Turk, and Boyfriend had all worked with waaaaay back in the day and his girlfriend. Stylez and I immediately ordered margaritas and the boys ordered Dos Equis (XX) in honor of my Dad because that is what he always gets when he has Mexican food. The drinks came and they were fantastic. I feel like I probably gulped mine down but it was the best margarita I have had in a long time. We ordered an appetizer for the table and I really liked the cheese dip (top right yellow), smokey salsa (top left red), and the bean dip (bottom right white and brown) which was just like beans you'd get as a side dish at a CA Mexican place. Of course the lighting was awful in both places we went so I've had to borrow other people's pictures

that I found online.

After that we ordered our dinners and Boyfriend and I shared a fajita platter for two. He chose snapper and I chose shrimp for my meat. We also decided to order a litre of white sangria for the table. The snapper and the shrimp were so delicious, like "WHOA" they were so good! The tortillas were just "Meh" that came with it, Guzmen y Gomez has better ones, and I wasn't a fan of the black beans or rice that came as part of the meal. I really wished they would have served more of the "bean dip" instead. The waitresses were really, really dumb and would come to ask if we needed water or anything and then when we asked for more booze were told someone else would have to come and get our drinks (this wasn't a bus person or a person under 18 so I dunno why she couldn't have) and they didn't know basic stuff like they threw in a bunch of tortillas in to two warmers instead of 4 for the 4 of us who got fajitas but didn't tell us that and handed them to the people with two single orders rather than one for me and Boyfriend and one for them to split and then couldn't tell us how many tortillas we were each supposed to get with our meal when we were then trying to divy the tortillas out. I thought the sangria was just "Meh", as well. I had wanted to try sangria and now I have, but I wish I would've gotten another margarita instead. If you go on a warm night, I'd suggest asking to sit out back; they've got the cutest little patio area to sit out in. Tuesday is Taco Tuesday and they do $3 tacos and I'm pretty sure $3 shots of tequila. All in all I can't wait to go back for margaritas, the snapper, the shrimp, and the bean dip. Check them out at http://www.flyingfajitasistas.com.au/ or they are located at 66 Glebe Point Rd, Glebe.

After dinner, we hopped in to another cab that took us in to the heart of the city to the karaoke place- Echo Point. It's run by Japanese people and has lots of Japanese snacks and drinks to buy from the front desk. It isn't like normal karaoke because you order private rooms to sing in, rather than do it in a room full of strangers. We had about 10 people hanging out in ours. There is just a tv, a karaoke machine, coffee table, a black light, and some comfy seats built into the walls in the room and you punch in the songs you want to do and go for it. I had fun watching everyone sing. I did not take a turn on the mic. Some of the girls sang love songs, the boys sang a bunch of random stuff from Prince to Metallica to the Prodigy, and Stylez, Turk and Boyfriend normally sang as a threesome and chose cool punk/alternative songs like GreenDay, Weezer, and Blink. I even got Boyfriend and Stylez to sing me a duet of "I'm the One Who Wants to Be with You" by Mr. Big! It was $16-$17 for each of us for a 3 hour session, I think. It's a fun way to spend a night every once in awhile. If you are a karaoke fanatic then you should take a group of friends to Echo Point. They've got all their songs listed on their website (I think they've got over 1,000 to choose from) (http://www.echopoint.com.au/), too, so you can have your set list picked out for the night before you arrive like Boyfriend's one friend did!

I don't normally keep track of Boyfriend's drinking because I'm not his parole officer (before you ask, no, he doesn't really have a parole officer) and I figure he can handle himself and he knows his limit, but I maybe should've been a little vigilant on Saturday night because he was drinking sake, which he's only had a couple of times before and always during a meal. He ended up getting drunker than I realized on that and beer and when we headed back to Turk and Stylez's place and went to bed, he immediately had to get up and be sick. All in all he was probably up about 6 times puking through out the night, but at least he was really neat about it and didn't get it all over their super cute house!

In the morning he was still feeling crappy, but felt a little better because Turk and Stylez hadn't heard him being sick or been kept up by it like I thought they might have because it seemed to echo all across the downstairs of their house, where their spare bathroom and guest bedroom is. We decided to go to a local place for breakfast and they thought maybe it was best to just bring us breakfast back or to at least drive over, but I thought the walk in the fresh air might do Boyfriend some good. Right before we left, he had to make a quick dash to the bathroom to be sick again and then he said he felt lots better. The walk through their neighborhood was really nice. No one was out, it was a quiet Sunday morning and the view if you turned and looked was of the Sydney skyline, CentrePoint Tower, and the tops of the Harbour Bridge. We sat inside because all the outside seats were taken and Boyfriend made it through breakfast feeling just ok. We walked back to Turk and Stylez's place, chatted a bit longer, then hit the road.

Boyfriend's Dad's birthday is this week, so is Nae's, and Bob just moved in to his new place so we figured while we were close, we might as well hit up Ikea...the only one in NSW, I think. I was in heaven once we got inside! Boyfriend seemed to pick up a bit, too, and we had fun looking at all the neatly designed furniture and bedding and stuff they had. Boyfriend especially liked all the kitchen designs they had displayed. We came away with some office and home stuff for Boyfriend, a funny little present for Nae, lots of new kitchen stuff for Bob, struck out on stuff for his Dad, and got me a vase for $4 and a couch cover that I had wanted when I bought my couch 3 years ago since the couch is white and was the cheapest one they had, but didn't think I could afford it then (in the last year my couch has suddenly looked thrashed so it was awesome that we could buy a black cover for it that would better hide stains). We also had to have a look at all the good Swedish food they had at the food shop past the registers and bought some yummy cookies, blueberry concentrate drink, a non-alcoholic pear cider, a Daime chocolate bar that Stylez recommended, and some salted black licorice (yuck!) that Turk recommended, as well as the meatballs, at the last minute, because everyone else in line had at least one bag of them and Turk had said they were delicious, too.

We got back on the road and Boyfriend was not feeling so great. He asked if he got us out of the City could I manage the drive on the freeway home? I have never driven more than about 10 miles maybe and never on the freeway so I was a bit nervous, but said if he just rested and didn't fall asleep on me, I'd do it. Once I got going, it was as easy as driving on the regular side of the road, and soon, I was passing slow pokes. The drive took about an hour and we got home just as it was getting dark. We basically had time to unload the car, go to the bathroom, and then we were back on the road to Nan and Pop's for Sunday dinner...this week a bbq for Boyfriend's Dad's birthday. Lots of the cousins were there and they brought their babies with them and it was good to catch up with the girls and have a cuddle and a play with the babies. The one little girl is about 1 and a half years old and is so smart- she remembered my name after the first time I played with her and still remembers me months later and always calls out "Little D, Little D" to get my attention and get me to come play with her. For some reason she was afraid of Boyfriend last night and would run away or hide her face in my shoulder anytime he came near! Don't they say that kids and dogs can sense when someone is evil? Haha, just kidding Babe!

It turned out to be one of those weekends that are so jam packed you don't feel as if you've had a real weekend, but I love those and had a great time! Today I put my tutoring ad in two of the local papers and one will run on Wednesday and Friday in the one paper and the other will be delivered in to people's mailboxes in the area later in the month. I'm so excited and can't wait to see how many calls I get! Fingers crossed for me guys because I really could use the income.

Oh yeah, and check out Stylez's stuff at reJENerate (link up the top) she's got a blog, a website, and stuff on Etsy. I saw some of her bags lying around at her house and their are some cute ones right now. She also has been doing custom bridal and bridal party clutches that are cool and fun and match without being too matchy, if you know what I mean. She will have an order from me if I ever take a stroll down the aisle!

A Teenage Suicide/ Before I Go/ This is Not an Exit

I remember the first time I was affected by suicide. We had a morning surf practice and then we were going to have a tour of the local surf museum and like none of the guys showed up. I thought it was pretty rude, but figured they must have just had a big night before. We were walking through the surf museum when either the surf coach or one of the few guys that had shown up got a call. All the guys were over at Fabio’s house because is older brother had killed himself. I wasn’t friends with Fabio; I don’t think I had ever even spoken to him. My sister knew him because he was dating her best friend’s older sister. One of my friends from class was best family friends with his family and I knew that he, JB, would be very upset. They are pretty tacky and touristy now, but I remember that the surf museum had St. Christopher necklaces for sale as he is supposed to be the patron saint of stuff to do with water. Anyway, I picked one up for Fabio just to say someone is still looking out for you right now and sent it and a card to him. We went to the funeral and it was heartbreaking. The crowd was huge, standing room only and it was a very big church. This young man must have been really well liked and yet he had felt all alone in the world.

The boys on the surf team were in to Unwritten Law and used to play a few of the songs obsessively. Nae and I couldn’t drive at the time so we’d get rides to school after practice with the boys and it was there that I heard them and liked the songs they’d play on repeat so I got the CD and "Teenage Suicide" was one of the songs on there. That was a pretty rough song to hear at the time, but the killer for me was "Before I Go". Even though I didn’t really know Fabio and I had never met his brother, I just imagined what both of them had/were feeling and the song broke my heart.

Fast forward two years. I’m sitting at our dining room table trying to write my final paper ever for my AP English class when the phone rings. It’s this girl, who went to my high school and I had gone to grade school with; we used to be friends but ran in different groups once we got to MD. She was kinda crying I think when she said, “Noah has been shot; he’s dead.”

(When we were little Noah and I lived across the street from one another. We weren’t best friends, but we were close and did lots of stuff together. We had one of the only pools in the neighborhood so Noah and his brothers and sister would come over and swim. We also used to carpool together and I remember one day his parents couldn’t take us to school but I didn’t know that, my parents had left for work, and Noah and his older brother held me "hostage" because they didn’t want me to call my babysitter and ask her for a ride. I was sneaky and got to the phone though and I remember Noah’s big brother was pretty upset when a ride showed up to take us to school. Also, when we were in Kindergarten, Noah and I decided he should have a pool, too, so we spent an afternoon trying to dig one in his backyard. After grade school, Noah ended up at another local Catholic high school and I didn’t see him for nearly four years, until one afternoon when I went to pick up Nae from water polo, he was there running at the track. That had been earlier this same year and the last time I would see him.)

I started crying and said, “What are you talking about? That’s crazy.” The girl didn’t have any details so we hung up. I came outside where my Dad was watering the lawn or something and was hysterically crying at that point. He started yelling at me “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?” He was worried that something had happened to my Mom or sister because neither was at home. I told him about Noah. I went inside and called my Mom at work and she said, “Listen, it’s just a rumor at this point, there are no facts, just pray that that’s what it is, a misunderstanding, a rumor.” So I prayed and prayed, but all the while thought “this probably isn’t a rumor, he’s probably dead, but why?” At this point it was still unclear that he had killed himself. I called my old friend Chiara, I think, it’s a little fuzzy how I got more details, but it was true. Noah was dead and he had done it to himself. After that, I had to drive over to our high school to pick up Nae from a swim meet. She could see that something was wrong and asked if she should drive me. She was probably thinking it was more drama to do with my loser exbf. When I told her about Noah, she burst in to tears. Nae was a pretty guarded and tough person at this time, I don’t think I had seen her cry in years, but here she was driving and crying and asking me to tell her about it. We finally heard from our other old neighbors that he had been upset or something and said he was going out, but he hadn’t really, he just got in his car. He ended up shooting himself in the driveway of his family’s house.

The next day at school I was a mess. His rosary service was that night and somehow they were able to fix him up so he could have an open casket. I just went briefly up to see him and all I could think was that he looked exactly like his older brother, the one who had held me "hostage" all those years ago. The funeral was the next day and I think his whole class came to the funeral. We were about a month from graduating.

I became pretty deeply depressed. I had never lost someone that I loved. My friends hadn’t either so they didn’t know how to handle it and just didn’t talk about it. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking about him. I remember writing him notes in my journal telling him how much he was missed and that I probably wasn’t the only one missing him this much and how I wish time could be turned back so he’d get a second chance to make the decision over again. I remember getting trashed the night before his birthday….I was at a concert with some friends and the loser exbf and I was underage. I passed out on the dance floor after busting some awesome dance moves, or so I’ve been told, I don’t remember dancing but I do remember laying on the ground. My friend Candy put me on a bar stool and told me not to move, of course I did. Some security guards found me and kicked me out. I threw up in some planters at Downtown Disney, just next to the "Happiest Place on Earth"- classy, I know. I also lost a thong and had to walk around with only one for the rest of the night. The next day me and some of the kids from our grade school class had a little graveside service for Noah. It was pretty painful to be at. I think for a good six months I was a mess because of it, but I tried to hide it from everyone. I still think about him now and I still visited his grave on his birthday and the day of his death when I lived in the area.

About a year and a half ago, I lost someone else to suicide. We called him Uncle B, but he wasn’t our uncle. As I got older, we used to call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and I know that sounds creepy considering I called him Uncle, but it wasn’t. Everyone thought I had a crush on him when I was little so he’d call me girlfriend to tease me and in the end it was pretty weird when he started dating someone who was only a little bit older than I was. Uncle B was this larger than life guy. He had a pretty sarcastic sense of humor and he was an asshole when he was in a bad mood, but when he was in a good mood he was on fire. He used to come over to our house all the time for dinner, just unannounced and say, “What are we having?” Very often now when I’m watching TV or a movie, someone will say something or do something and it totally reminds me of Uncle B. He left behind 3 kids and an ex-wife who was his best friend. It was really sad going back home knowing he’d never barge in to our house again or yell over the fence to us and call us Rugrats. He’s someone I will always miss and never forget. I know his son is still hurting about the loss of his Dad, he’s only in high school and it’s a rough time for any kid, and I wish I could take away some of his pain so he didn’t have to handle such a heavy load on his own. From the reports his mom gives us, sometimes I’m afraid he’s drowning in this pain and I wish that I could be there to help him swim awhile longer til it stopped hurting so much.

Even just writing this has brought back all the hurt and sadness over losing these two guys and has me crying. It doesn’t really get better, you just learn to live with it.

Life hurts so bad
Don't want you sad
Just look back to
Good times we had
I'd give my soul for you I know
Want to hold you before I go
Before I go
I need you to know
I'm still alive in you
It's my time to go
Don't stay up late
I'm not afraid
And I don't want your heart to break
I know I've seen what's been unseen
Live fast, die young
It's part of me

For the Workforce, Drowning

While I was out dealing with cops and kids, everyone else in my course had already done that round of practice teaching, so they only had about an hour of school for 2 of the 4 weeks then the rest of the time was spent getting ready for our Departmental interviews and doing projects that needed to get done before Internship. I had to do all these things and teach at the same time. I was frantic. Everyone told me my Internship school would be a walk in the park compared to my last school and I lucked out by getting the nicest class in the school. My teacher was alright, he didn’t give me as nice of a report as I think I deserved, but that’s because he didn’t really watch me teach. It was good cause the class became mine and I really learned a lot, but bad cause then he only had the first few lessons of mine that he had critiqued to go off of when writing my final report. I really enjoyed the kids and the work and was ready for a class of my own. The staff at the school were all really great and would do anything to help any of us interns out. After our last day, they took us out to a bar. I wasn’t going to drink, but one of the young teachers (who’s husband happened to be my supervisor at the tough school) was like, “Meh, get drunk, I usually do” so I did and I was embarrassingly drunk and became emotional when I got home that night (and thankfully not at the bar!) and called S. I was just upset about my final report, especially after someone at the bar had told me that not everyone agreed with the final report either and didn’t think it reflected the effort or work I had done. So I was totally embarrassed when I saw S the next day. On top of that, I was a classy bitch and threw up on the train on the way down to his place. Luckily, I must have been psychic that day as I just happened to have thrown a barf bag and a juice box in my purse that morning!
Over the next few weeks, I got my Teacher Research Project done and had to present a portfolio to a professor and a peer justifying to them how I had achieved all of the teaching standards for NSW.
When that was all said and done, I threw myself a Mexican/Halloween/Graduation party at S’s house. It was a good night, I got most everyone super drunk ( I was still over drinking after throwing up on the train) and we had good food and a piñata and most people dressed up as a Mexican or at least Australia’s version of a Mexican or in some type of Halloween outfit. S was a cholo and I was a chola. I found a video on Youtube that was about applying makeup like a chola (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CR0PykHTYY) so I tried to follow it but I have no skills and it ended up looking pretty funny. I got a sharpie and drew “Thug Life” acrossed S’s knuckles, a heart that said Madre on it, and another tattoo on his arm or chest that said Brown Pride. He also had been growing a beard/mo combo for awhile and he shaved off the beard and came out looking sooooo dirty with just the mo!
I a) couldn’t afford to keep my room while I went back home and b) had decided I wanted to live on the Coast closer to S and c)wanted to try living on my own again so I moved out of Benny Boy’s apartment in November and made my way home to California.