Just Around the Corner There's Heartache.

Grrrrrr, f*ing grrrrr!

I just got a rejection letter from the university. I'm really upset. After having no luck finding a job last year here I thought coming across a job ad for an International Student Support Officer at my old university was serendipitous. I thought who better to help other international students than someone who has been one? Who better to help people work through their frustrations at being a foreigner in Australia than someone who still gets frustrated being a foreigner themselves? I guess the university didn't see that.

I'm embarrassed that I told everyone that I was going for this job because now they are all waiting to hear that I have gotten it and I haven't. What if Boyfriend's parents are right- "What if she never finds a job here?" My hope is feeling a little worn and I'm missing home right now and have visions of myself in some awesome job right now if only we were living there and not here.

Here's the thing, though- everyday is a choice. Today I'm going to choose to be sad and have a good cry about not getting the job I really wanted, but tomorrow crying and being sad isn't going to help me. Tomorrow I have to choose to move on, to put on my happy and determined face and start the search again. (Jesus, Allah, Buddha, and the Rainbow Serpent give me the strength to put on that happy face tomorrow, I'm gonna need it!)

A New Hope

Image via http://www.indesignlive.com/articles/projects/mexicano-nuovo

I finished my resume earlier today and submitted it to the University for that job I mentioned last week as an International Student Support Officer. I am actually really, really excited about it and after I read over the job ad again I thought to myself, "Yep, this is it, this is the job for me" so I am hoping I get an interview for it and with any luck will get the position. Keep thinking positively for me. I am trying to and I am even starting to have dreams about myself in the position so hopefully my mind is giving me a sign, somehow, that it is meant to be. We are getting way ahead of ourselves (and I know I'll be majorly disappointed if I don't get this position) and have already thought about what we'd do with my paycheck (save for a house, wedding, and honeymoon, as well as emergencies) and try and continue just living off of Boyfriend's paycheck. It would be such a great thing to happen for us. Plus, I could really use the confidence boost after having such crappy luck finding a job last year.

Boyfriend and I saw Robin Hood this weekend; it was pretty good. I liked it; didn't love it, didn't hate it. I agree with the one reviewer who Russell Crowe got mad at for saying his accent sounded Irish at times. The other big excitement from the weekend was that we went down to our local mall and they now have a decent Mexican fast food place there called Mad Mex. We both had burritos, which at $9.90 are pretty steep if you're thinking in terms of American pricing, but not bad for here. I liked that they actually had black beans and their chicken was seasoned decently. They put a lot of rice in their burritos and it is plain tasting white rice and nothing special so I'd probably skip it next time. Boyfriend got 2 different kinds of Dos Equis beer and they were $7 but worth it he said. We also ended up scoring free churros and some really good hot fudge dipping sauce. I think we'll be eating a lot of Mad Mex from now on because it's only a little bit more expensive than going to KFC or McDonald's and a lot tastier! I also see that Mad Mex are selling franchises right now so maybe if the University job doesn't pan out I could get my parents to invest in a Mad Mex with me and put one in up near the University and all those American kids desperate for some somewhat authentic Mexican food.

If I Could, I Would Shrink Myself...And Remove Whatever Makes You Hurt But I am to Weak to be Your Cure

Last Thursday Mom and I got up bright and early and hit the road down to Orange County. I posted on my Facebook that I was going to be in town and got a few well wishes from friends to have fun while I was there and a teasingly angry email from my best guy friend from high asking why he hadn't been informed that I would be around and that we should head out and get a drink together. I hadn't made any solid plans to see friends, though, because the reason we were in town was not a fun one (it never seems to be these days!)- we were there because my Grandma recently found a large lump in her breast that turned out to be cancerous and she was being rushed in to surgery. She had had breast cancer about 8 years ago and on the other side, but this cancer is completely different.

Friday morning we got up and were at the hospital by 7am. Grandma seemed in good spirits considering and went in for surgery at 10:30. The doctor came out when it was done and Mom went over to see him. I thought he would just give her a general debriefing like I had seen other doctors come out and do with other patients' families so I opted to stay with our stuff and hold on to our seats. When Mom got over to the doctor, he directed her in to a small office and closed the door-"Ah, shit" I thought, this can't be good news. And it wasn't. Grandma had made it out of the surgery fine, that was one hurdle, but the bad news was that the cancer had spread in to both lymph nodes they had checked so they had had to remove the other ones and were going to process those to see if the cancer had spread.

Friday afternoon Grandma was pretty groggy, but not in a lot of pain because they had her on the good drugs. When we returned on Saturday morning, Grandma didn't remember that we had been there before and after her surgery the day before and she didn't think she had had the surgery yet, either. She told us that she was very unhappy because if she had had the surgery, she had heard it wasn't her doctor who had performed it, but an associate (which wasn't obviously the case) and she told the case worker who came in to the room to check on her just that (which we then had to correct). She was released Saturday afternoon and went from being in a lot pain and bitchy to being nice, happy Grandma who snuggled on the couch with me (a first in about 10 years since I am not the favorite granddaughter I once was since I am not skinny and Grandma has extreme disdain for anyone who is overweight) when she had taken some vicodin!

We left on Sunday afternoon to head to Cambria where we stayed the night to decompress after such a stressful weekend and Mom and I drove in two separate cars because Grandma decided she didn't want her car anymore and we took it so that Dad could sell it and make sure she got a fair price for it. It's a good thing she decided she didn't "want" to drive anymore because legally she can't. After getting in to two accidents in two consecutive Tuesday nights and taking out a total of 5 parked cars, her license has been revoked and her insurance is dropping her. We were just really fortunate that Grandma didn't hurt herself or anyone else.

If you ask me, this getting old thing doesn't sound like too much fun! I am feeling really badly for my Mom,too, because she is getting all of my Grandma's drama dumped on her. I don't mean to make it sound like we are cold, heartless people-the cancer stuff is a not drama at all and we are concerned for her about that, there is just a TON of other stuff that is drama, plain and simple, and, thus, avoidable that I'm choosing not to air on here that my Mom has to deal with in regards to Grandma all the time and it is definitely taking a toll and wearing Mom down.

We don't know the results of the other lymph nodes they removed yet, but we should know by the weekend so I'm sending some positive energy in to the universe that the cancer hasn't spread and I'd appreciate any positive energy or prayers you could send up for her, too.

When the Sun is Shining...

Man, yesterday turned out to be the day for good news. Not only did I get that job, as I've already mentioned, but one of my friends got engaged and I found out that our friends in Sydney are going to be having a baby! You always hear the phrase "when it rains, it pours" well this is the converse of that "when the sun shines, it shines brightly!"

Hope and Validation

We're a little bit behind the times down here in Oz. Today's Oprah episode is from the day after the Presidential Election! It's neat to sit here and watch it and get that excited buzz all over again; to remember that moment when I had a little part of changing history. I did a mail in ballot and had to read up on all the Props in California to make sure I was voting the way I wanted to. I was deeply disappointed when Prop 8 (aka Prop H8te) passed and disappointed again last week when it was upheld, but I figure maybe we'll get it right the next time it comes up for a vote. But I was also glad when my fellow Californias voted for Prop 2, which meant livestock (chickens, pigs, cows, etc) had to be caged/stalled in a humane manner from now on.

I will never forget sitting on my couch in my apartment in Newcastle for 5 hours straight watching the Australian coverage of the election. My heart soared each time a state was called for Obama. Boyfriend and everyone at his work was watching it online and we'd constantly message back and forth as news came in.

When the election was finally called in his favor I remember feeling so much pride in my country. I remember crying out of happiness, probably the only time I've done so in my life up til now. I remember calling my Mom and her screaming in the phone because she was so excited and us talking about how big this was. It was an amazing moment. Watching John McCain give his concession speech, I was proud of him as well because he did it with grace and without bitterness. Then when President Elect Obama got up there I was a mess of tears again. "Yes, we did!"

So I know that we're behind the times in TV here and I know this post is months too late (though this damn show has me tearing up all over again!), but I wanted to tie it in to that message of hope that President Obama stands for...

When was the last time you felt hope or thankfulness? Like really felt it? Up until yesterday I can say that I don't think I had felt hope since the election. I had been thankful for all the big things in my life, but how often do we all overlook the little things we have to be thankful for?

I was out on a walk between storms yesterday and was overwhelmed by the awesomeness around me. The lake was like a mirror and reflected all the different colors of the clouds overhead in it, the air was fresh and clean, and there were so many birds flying around me: kookaburras laughing, white and pink parrots screeching, little purple, orange and green lorikeets screaming from the trees, huge pelicans trying to steal fish from the fisherman on the bridge, and the tiniest little song birds flittng around in the trees that I could only see when I stopped walking and watched them dart from branch to branch.

It was then that I began to feel hope for things that have been bothering me lately because of all the little things I was thankful for. I know I'm getting in to some hippie-sounding crap here now so totally, if this isn't your thing, skip this posting and the next one will for sure be lighter, but if not and you want to stick around reading, I'd like to share with you all the things I am hopeful for and the things I am thankful for. I'd also like to challenge you to think about the own things in your life that could do with some hope and all the things you have to be thankful for. It's amazing how much doing these two little things can lift your mood!

Hopes:

I have hope that I WILL get a job.

I have hope that I will be able to stay in Australia with Boyfriend.

I have hope that everything will work out.

I have hope that things will get better....money wise, housing wise, job wise

I have hope that Boyfriend and I will someday get married and that we will be able to figure out some of the things that stand in our way (i.e. where in the world to live?)

Thankful for:

As always, my amazing family

Still having a little bit of money in my bank account

Having a roof over my head

Having a boyfriend who loves me heaps

Having a great 2nd family of Boyfriend's family and friends here to support me

That if I did have to leave here my family would welcome me back with open arms and help me in that transition back home

And then there are the things that are so easy to forget to be thankful for:

Being able to see so that I can see all those amazing birds I hear in the trees

Being able to hear because I love music so much

Being able to walk and not having any types of other physical or mental disabilities

The fact that I've been able to live in another country for over 4 years

That I have been able to travel the world before I was even 25 years old

So that's it for me trying to be all deep/cheesey and stuff...I'll get back to posting junk food recipes, tv show reviews, and travel adventures now!