Wearing Your Black Eye Like a Badge of Honor

(Or: Is This the Way a Toy Feels When Its Batteries Run Dry?)

Source

Today during a guest presentation at work, the speaker told our group that overseas Australia is known as the fight capital of the world..."If you want to go to a country and get beat up, go to Australia" is what he said news programs in other countries report about Australi to which I was very emphatically (and internally) nodding my head. He later wrapped up his talk by bringing it full circle back to this idea that Aus is a perpetual fight club by saying, "Other countries who think that of us are crazy. We are about being good mates to each other....blah blah blah....built of mateship.....help each other.....blah blah blah, mates." And I was thinking, "I think the foreign news stories have got it right about it here," but of course you can't say that as the only non-Aussie in the room!

For all the shit I get from Australians about our lack of gun control in America, I can honestly say I've never felt as unsafe in my life as I have living here and no one I know back home even owns a gun. Granted, I lived in a lot nicer neighborhoods than I do here, but even walking around big cities in the States I felt a lot safer than I do here in my home in Australia.

Before living here I guess I didn't realize the polite segregation that still happens in our society back home. There you have your ghettos, your working class neighborhoods, your middle class neighborhoods, and your upper middle class and then rich neighborhoods. I don't know if city planners here are just dumb or what, but you can have a decent middle class neighborhood and then someone will decide it's an awesome idea to stick a group of housing commission homes (Aus' version of the ghetto) or some kind of pub/club on the corner so you can never just have a safe, quiet neighborhood.

MOTH Dude and I currently live in a neighborhood I'd describe as working class with the immediate houses around us occupied by families and senior citizens. We could afford to live somewhere nicer, but we're saving for the wedding and just saving, in general, for the future so we don't have to buy a place in a neighborhood like the one we are in now. And really with housing commission blocks everywhere it doesn't seem like there are a ton of "nice" neighborhoods for us to move in to anyway. We could spend $100-$200 more per week (that's how rent is paid here, by the way-still find that strange) and we'd be having the same problems we are having now. I should know, my parents' paid a lot of rent money when I was living in a nice place in Newcastle during college and I was still woken up most weekends by people fighting in the street.

This past week I've had to call the cops twice and also heard a horrific story about an incident that happened to one of MOTH Dude's Uncle's friends. Last Friday night, MOTH stayed back at work to have drinks with coworkers so I was home alone and watching a movie in bed, when at about 11, I heard a couple arguing in the street. When I first moved to Australia, it would've been something I would've really tensed up over but now it's kind of a common occurrence so I kept watching my movie, figuring they'd move on. A few minutes later I could tell that the couple had moved in to the little park across the street from us and I heard the girl yell, "Ow, stop, you're hurting me!" so I paused my movie to listen to what was going on and the girl continued to yell this a few more times so I decided to call the cops in case the girl was really getting hurt. I heard her boyfriend tell her, "I'll pull you by your f*ing hair if I have to" and it sounded like that was what he was doing. I spoke to the cops, but at that point it sounded like the couple was moving on. The dispatcher said she'd still have officers come check the park to make sure everything was ok there. I waited 10 minutes at the front door and they never showed up. I looked out the window any time a car drove passed for the next 30 minutes...still no cops! Glad the girl wasn't getting totally beat up in the park or she would have been in serious trouble. It also made me angry because it was obvious that none of my neighbors had called the cops to report the incident, either, even though they were all home, including the family who lives directly next to the park where the girl's screams were coming from.

Tuesday night we ended up having a late night since I got dinner going later than usual and it took longer to make than it should have and we decided to watch a movie while we ate dinner which finished later than we had expected. So by the time we checked emails, MOTH did dishes, and I got settled in to bed to read for a few minutes and he jumped in the shower so he wouldn't have to before his 4:15 leave time in the morning, it was after 11. At some point a car pulled up, but I just assumed it was our neighbor pulling in to his driveway which is right next to our bedroom window and that he must be saying good bye to some friends. They talked on and on and on and I thought, "Alright, Dude, it's nearly 11:30 on a Tuesday night, wrap it up" but then when I really started listening the voices didn't sound like they were coming from behind my head, they sounded like they were coming from directly in front of our bedroom windows. I got up and went to our front room and peaked out of the windows and there was a station wagon with a bunch of guys standing around it, blocking our driveway. Out of all the places to park on the street, they didn't pull over in front of the park or the vacant block/nature strip next to our house or even properly in front of our house, they parked across the end of our driveway. Something about it creeped me out and I turned on the porch light so the guys got the hint, like, "Hey, we're in here, you can shut up and leave now" and they did get in their car, but then they just sat out there in the dark. I went in to the bathroom and told MOTH about them and when he got out he went to the front and peaked out, too. We turned off all the lights to try and hint at them again that we were there and were wanting to sleep, but the car just sat there and we were like, "Are these guys the dumbest/loudest burglars alive or what?" MOTH Dude decided to go out to our laundry room and make sure it was locked up and I sat on our bed waiting for him to come back in. As soon as he got out of the back door, the doors of the car opened and I heard people walking around in our front yard. I started to panic about them going in to the backyard where MOTH was but I couldn't move. Luckily, MOTH came back in and said as he was locking up, he saw the guys walking up the vacant block all the way down to the end of it where there is nothing, but easy access in to our backyard so I said, "Okay, I'm calling the cops." So for the second time in four days, I put in an emergency call and the dispatcher said she'd have someone out here quickly. We waited 5 minutes, heard the guys throw some cans and stuff on our lawn and then their car started up and they pulled away. I started to feel like an idiot for being paranoid and called the dispatch back and they said they would cancel the call out. For the next hour, every little cricket chirp or bat screech had me sitting up in bed and looking out the window to make sure no one was out there. When MOTH's alarm went off at 3:45, I had already been lying awake for nearly 20 minutes. As it got light, I was able to get about an hour's sleep before my own alarm went off. Not a fun way to spend a night and I was a zombie at work on Wednesday.

To just pull up to someone's house and block their driveway when the whole street is wide open and full of regular spots to pull in to is just weird to me. As a teenager, I'd sometimes pull over with a friend to have a chat in front of a random house, but it was always in a spot in front of the house, not blocking anyone's driveway and we hardly ever got out of the car so the people inside the house would not be woken up by us.

Finally, the last concerning incident happened Sunday night: Before we got in to bed, MOTH said, "Oh by the way, Uncle B's friend left the local club the other night to walk his friend, who had had too much to drink, back to his house which was only about 300 feet from the club when people started harassing them from a car. They must have yelled something back and 3 people (including a girl) jumped out of the car and immediately knocked the drunk guy out and proceeded to beat and stab Uncle B's friend. He is now in a medically induced coma." The club they were walking home from is about 2 miles from our house and is in a really quiet neighborhood. I was shocked and felt sick to my stomach. Luckily, two women came out and stopped the attack and managed to get the license plate of the car and all 3 people who were a part of it are now in jail. The police think this attack is linked to another one that happened about 5 miles in the opposite direction from our house a few weeks back where a guy was walking home from another club and a car randomly pulled over and beat him with a metal bar. These people were just out cruising, purposely looking for people to hurt.

WTF?!!? I feel like at least at home if I got shot it would be because I walked in to the middle of a gang showdown or in front of a deer a hunter was about to take down, but here I am hearing about random, violent attacks like that one more and more often. I'm starting to get really paranoid. I'm afraid to go out in to our laundry room which is right outside the back door at night, even though MOTH has just installed a flood light for me. Every bump in the dark has me immediately awake and on edge waiting for someone to break in and hurt us, especially since for awhile we were having problems with people stealing stuff out of our laundry room or I'd go out there and notice something random was out of order or that the toilet in there had been used. So creepy to think someone was out there walking around our house while we were asleep!

My fears (however unfounded they may be) coupled with the stress I am feeling from work and my general blues from not seeing my sister in over a year and my parents in nearly a year have caused me to start compulsively picking at my arms in an attempt to comfort and soothe myself, something I haven't done to this degree since I was about 14 years old. My arms have multiple gaping, and in some cases, infected holes on them. I know they look awful and I know I should stop, but I haven't been able to. I've finally decided to cover the spots with bandaids and wear long sleeves so I can't get at them through the day. I still find myself unable to stop picking tiny little bumps I think I see on my shoulders before bed, though, but at least my arms are starting to heal. MOTH was getting really, really worried about me and honestly, I was starting to get worried about me, too.

I think I just need a breather. I need to get out of Aus for awhile. I need to see my family. I need to get away from customers telling me I'm incompetent or a f*ing asshole because they don't like the privacy laws I have to follow in dealing with their or their husband's or their grandma's accounts. I need to get a solid month's worth of quality sleep in a place where I can fall in to a deep sleep comfortably. I need to just get away with MOTH Dude and have some fun, rather than be like roomies who see each other at the end of a long day for an hour before passing out, which is how I feel our weeks are going right now.

I'm not sure what the solution will be once I get back here, but, for my sanity's sake, there may need to be some changes put in to place. Every day I wish the solution could be moving back to California, but that is not an option at this point so I'll just need to do a better job of sucking it up.

I also know this post has me coming off timid and weak and probably a smidge (or more?) crazy, but I'm exhausted and beat down to my core and beyond caring right now.

Four weeks from tomorrow I will be in Kauai and as I stated as my Facebook status the other day: "Hoping the next month will fly by and I'll magically wake up in a jacuzzi in Kauai with a mai tai in hand, hanging with my parents and Moth Dude."

Here's hoping for nicer, saner things to blog about soon...

Because the Positive will Always Overcome the Negative

Although my last post was fairly negative, I generally try to write about things from a positive perspective. I may talk about something negative if it has been affecting me for some time, but if MOTH Dude and I get in to a little fight or if someone at work or a friend says something that hurts my feelings, I don't come on here and lash out at them right away. I know it is a momentary bump in the road in our relationship/friendships. Don't get me wrong, there have been times I've wanted to be immature and air some dirty laundry on here, but once it's on here anyone can read it and even though I give psuedonym's to everyone, if you know me, it is easy to figure out who everyone is.

The benefit of technology is that it allows people to have a voice and to share that voice with a wider audience than was ever available before. The downside to technology is that people seem to forget that what you put out in to the internet never really goes away. So if you put something out there, you have to be willing to own it.

I'll get to the specific event I'm speaking about in just a moment here, but when called my Mom on advice on how to proceed on what I had found, she talked about how one of her friend's daughters had broken up with a boy and the boy got so mad he started a website about what a drunk and a slut this girl is. Now, whenever you Google the girl, that stuff comes up about her. How horrible, right? Even if these things were true, does the girl deserve to have that out there for future employers to see?

I, myself, Googled someone the other day who had been really, really mean to me for no reason just to see what was out there about him. With only his first and last name, I found out a ton about him and on the very first search result linked to his name found his cell number and his personal email address. If I was a vindictive person, there's lots of bad stuff I could do with that information alone.

Technology is changing so rapidly and is such a useful tool, but sometimes we get complacent about what we put out there about others and the information that we share to the world about ourselves.

So on to why I'm posting about this today: MOTH Dude and I are heading back to California in a month and a half to visit family and friends and to start looking at wedding venues and meet with potential vendors. I've made a wedding inspiration board and have a good idea based on our style and our budget on what we are after. In conjunction with the wedding planning process, part of my daily internet routine now includes checking out a couple wedding blogs to see if any of the weddings featured are using the colors or details we like in a way we haven't thought of. I also read a forum site where brides ask each other things like where to find the perfect blue shoes or what a reasonable cost in NY is for a wedding cake or what should they do to make their DIY centerpieces nicer. Part of the forum is dedicated to family topics and bridesmaids and honeymoons, as well. What I generally do is go on and look at the first 5 pages of forum topics. These are all the posts from any of the sections (honeymoons, shoes, family, etc) that have been commented on most recently.

This morning, while MOTH was at church and I was waiting on the first load of laundry, I scanned through the first 5 pages as per usual and opened in a new tab any topics that were relevant to me and a few about people venting about problems they are having in planning their weddings. One of the topics I opened was "MOH from Hell". (For those not in the throes of wedding planning, MOH = Maid of Honor.)

I'm reading through the post and the author was frustrated with her Maid of Honor because she thought she was being too controlling, too negative, and wanted to go on a $500 cruise for a bachelorette weekend (which may sound extravagant to some, but I've had a few friends in Orange County do this now, so while it does seem like an expensive party, it's not so far fetched for our area/friend group) but then was worried about how much being a bridesmaid was going to cost her. The friend asked the bride to provide her with a spreadsheet on what she should be expecting to pay to participate in the wedding, which is a contrast to being able to drop $500 for a weekend cruise, but not an unreasonable request. The bride first writes that she is unsure 12 months out from the wedding how much everything will cost, (which I can relate to because I have no idea how much I'll be asking my girls to spend, but want to keep it low for them) but then the bride writes out how much the bridesmaid dress she likes costs, how much for the shoes she wants them to get are, and how much for their hair/makeup and comes up with a figure of $256.

She then rips in to her Maid of Honor saying she thought she'd be the perfect person to pick as she works in the industry. She then starts to talk about the friend's family's financial background and talks about how it shouldn't worry the Maid of Honor as they are well off. Then things get really nasty and the bride starts to talk about really personal things that have happened to the girl, once again, on a public forum where anyone can read it.

Well, as I'm reading the post, I think to myself, "Gee, that sounds like the life of one of my friends as far as school and work goes and she does come from a comfortable family, but I have never heard a negative word from her about anything and when I showed her my wedding idea board she had nothing but nice things to say and made some cool suggestions, too." So I went on Facebook and was going to link to the forum post on my friend's wall for a laugh, but then I thought, "Nah, I'll private message her."

So I'm writing this note: Hey Hottie, How's life? You're not a Maid of Honor for anyone are you? There is a post on this website (link to website) about some girl, but I don't think anyone could ever write something like that about you. Anyway, there is someone else in your city, living your life, and they also went to your same college...Better find out who your competition is! ;)

But before I hit send, I get a funny feeling and think I should check out the bride's profile to see if there was any link between her and my friend...like same age or high school or neighborhood. I click on her Bio page and there is a description and picture of each of her bridesmaids and lo and behold, my friend is at the top under Maid of Honor. It doesn't give her full name, thank god, just her first name but there she is in picture form for everyone to see who exactly the bride has been talking about.

I didn't know what to do so I called my Mom. I gave her a general run down of what I had found and my Mom said that this was the trouble with technology and that I should just sit on it. And I said, "Really? Don't do anything? Let me just read you exactly what was written." So I did and then said again how my friend's picture was easily linked to the post. Mom thought it was pretty awful and suggested that I wait to see if the bride posts anything later because the last thing the bride wrote was how she was going out with the Maid of Honor and another bridemaid tonight, to see if maybe she and my friend get things worked out, and if not, to contact my friend tomorrow to let her know this information is out there on the internet about her.

Whether what the bride wrote about the friend is true or untrue (I really don't know), I don't think she had the right to post those things about my friend, when there is a picture that everyone can see of her on the same site.

So two questions for you:

1) How would you proceed from here? (Would you only let my friend know if they bride continued to post negative stuff about her? Or should she know what is already out there about her?)

2)Would you want to know someone had written stuff about you like that online or since it won't come up in a Google search of your name, would you rather be left in the dark?

Ok, how about a third:

Have you ever found something written online about you, bad or good, that you didn't know existed? How did it make you feel? What did you do?

Riverside, Mother F....

Where I grew up, just about the worst place in the world a person could say they were from was Riverside. The only thing as bad as being from Riverside, was being from Fallbrook, and that was just San Diego's version of Riverside.

Riverside was everything us kids from near the coast thought was wrong with the world (Have you seen the SNL skits where Gov. David Patterson always talks about "New Jersey!"? It's like that): they drove lifted trucks with big, shiny rims. They went to "The River" (aka Lake Havasu) on Spring Break to get drunk. Their chicks wore thong bikinis and had long, fake nails. They hung out in the desert and dirt biked. My friends and I were more about driving whatever our parents let us, going to our local beach for Spring Break, wearing bathing suits that were at least semi-functional while we surfed, and getting a manicure or pedicure a few times a year for school dances.

Typical person you'd see walking around Riverside or Fallbrook

We hated when people from Riverside (aka the 909) decided to come to the beach. You could always tell who they were because they had a Famous Stars and Straps hat on sideways or Famous boardshorts and sometimes they wore socks and sandals. They'd also bring a surfboard or bodyboard that someone in their extended, redneck family had and try and go for a surf. I'm not in to localism or anything (surfer mentality of- this is my home break, no one else can catch a wave here unless I know them and say they can), but I am all for respecting the rules of surfing, such as not snaking (stealing) a wave from someone who is already on it. Not being a part of the culture, most of these guys didn't seem to get the rules so we mostly had this mentality (though we didn't vocalize it-well, at least not to them):

So, how come I'm talking about a group of lame people from an area I haven't lived in for 6 years (as of today, it's my moving to Australia anniversary and also the anniversary of MOTH Dude and I meeting! This time 6 years ago I was pounding shots with Bun, hoping to get up the nerve to meet him! eeeeeee!)? Well, see, this is how my train of thought has gone...Today, I had to listen to a recording of one of my calls in the call centre with my manager and we talked about what a direct person I am and that I have a certain way with words (and then she suggested, really nicely, I promise, no sarcasm) that maybe this wasn't the right line of work for me (anyway, a story for another day perhaps? and are all of these asides in parenthesis starting to make you mad? sorry!). So then I got to thinking about a certain incident that went down at one of my sister's water polo tournaments during a game against none other than the University of Riverside. So then I got to thinking about Riverside, in general, and thus, this rambling post.

So the incident at the Water Polo Tournament...

I'm sitting in the stands with my Mom at one of my sister's many tournaments; I often went to Nae's games throughout high school and then as often as I could when she became a Banana Slug for UC Santa Cruz. The game between UCSC and UCR is on in the water and the Riverside girls are playing really, really roughly. They're winning, but they are playing really dirty and you can see the Santa Cruz girls getting dunked and punched and overpowered by these beasts from (have I mentioned this yet?) Riverside. There are people behind me who are UCR supporters and they are starting to talk crap about UCSC and I'm listening and listening and listening and finally I turn to my Mom and say as loudly as possible, without actually yelling it at her, that, "At least the one thing the UCSC team has going for them is that they don't have to live in a hole of a place like Riverside. Isn't it awesome that we don't have to visit Nae in a place as crappy as Riverside? God, Riverside is shit!" And my Mom is looking at me at first like, "Why are you saying this to me right now?" and then as the Riverside supporters start commenting back she gives me the death stare that says, "Please kid, shut your mouth before we get rolled by this riff raff from Riverside" (well maybe it was more just the "Please, shut your mouth" part. My memory is a little fuzzy,but I'm sure my Mom hates Riverside, too. Right, Mom?). I ended up getting the UCR supporters so riled up that my Mom made us get up and walk to the other side of the pool during the game so that the war of words would not turn in to a full on brawl. In the end, I think UCSC ended up getting their asses handed to them by UCR but I know Nae appreciated that I had stuck up for her and the girls and that I had put those Riverside people back in their places.

And I'm assuming after reading this, you'll all hate me (unless you're from Orange County) and think of me as the entitled and spoiled brat from the OC and I guess, in a way, you'd be right. But let's bring this back full circle and I'll finish by saying that part of the reason for staying in Australia 6 years rather than the 4 months I had planned to, other than MOTH Dude, is that coming here was a reality check. I have friends here now that dirt bike and think lifted trucks are rad (though none of their chicks wear thong bikinis, thank God) and would have fun at "The River" and that doesn't make them bad or wrong or whitetrash. They're just different. So I went away a little princess from the OC and I think I've hopefully matured in to a (not so) young lady who is more accepting of others.

Oh man, did I take that full circle stuff too far? Are you throwing up in your mouth a little bit after those last few cheesy sentiments? Well, I'll just leave you with this then: I still think, 6 years on, "Thank God I don't live in a hell hole like Riverside!"

Tonight We're All Still Young at Heart

Image from barringtonriversideretreate.com.au

Saturday morning I woke up with a headache so bad it made my eyes water! I had to suck it up though as we had a 2 and a half hour drive ahead of us to it out to Gloucester, where the Runner and the Smooth Talker were getting married. I was able to find some headache medicine right before we left and that seemed to knock the headache out pretty well.

It was a pretty drive and MOTH and I had fun in the car and talked about how it felt like road tripping in America. We were the first to arrive at the cabins we were all going to be staying at for the night and had our pick of the 4 so we chose the one with the best view of the river below. Not long after, our bunk mates The Farmer and Tinkerbell (who hates this pseudonym and whom I still need to think up another one for) arrived and after them came LC, Bob Marley, the Hairdresser, the Soccer Player, Croc, and the Teacher. All the boys hung out on the porch drinking beer and making a trip down to feel the water while us girls took over the main bedroom of our cabin and the Hairdresser very nicely did all of our hair for us. We then got dressed and started to head out for the ceremony. I started to feel a bit headachey again before we left, but figured it was just because I was a little overheated.

The ceremony was at a beautiful hill overlooking the whole valley and town of Gloucester. The Runner teared up as she walked down the aisle and I teared up with her. It was a short and simple ceremony, but by the time it was over, I was starting to feel really sick to my stomach so I told MOTH Dude I needed to go sit in the car in some air conditioning for awhile. Being a good guy, he left the after ceremony drinks, pictures, and canapes to check on me a few times. After a while, the air conditioning just wasn't doing it for me so I stumbled out of our car and very classily got down on my knees in my pretty dress and heels and puked behind a tree. I felt better for a few minutes so I went down and joined our friends again. But then I started to not feel so great again and MOTH offered to take me in to town to try and find some medicine so I wouldn't be sick all night. We made it in to town just as the last grocery store was closing. I explained to them how I had just been sick and could I please run in for some quick medicine. They don't have much variety in grocery stores here like they do in the U.S. but we grabbed whatever we thought might help me. I took some Alka Seltzer that was supposed to be for headaches and upset stomachs. About that time, our friends arrived in town to go to the pub to wait for the reception to start. MOTH got me a gingerale and I sat outside with the girls trying to get some air. I felt bad for MOTH having to keep missing out on the fun so he went inside to play pool with the other boys. Twice I ran out to in front of the pub to try and catch a bit of breeze to make me nausea go away. Finally, (TMI coming up so beware if you're squeamish) I couldn't hold it any longer and I did 3 big heaves in to a planter outside of the pub. I'm sure I just looked like a hot mess and a bad drunk to anyone who saw, but I couldn't help it, nor could I face puking in the pub's bathroom. MOTH came out just as I finished and I started crying. I felt so awful and just wanted to go back to the cabin to lie down. He convinced me to wash my face and grab some fries aka chips to eat and that seemed to do the trick.

It was then time for the reception. It was a fun night with everyone else doing lots of drinking (I was driving, plus nothing sounded worse than drinking on top of having already been sick) and dancing and taking scandalous and funny pictures together.

There was a tiny bit of drama at the end of the night when we went to say good bye to the bride. I told her that I know I'm flakey so it may have seemed that that was what I was doing the weekend before when I missed her bachelorette party, but that I had been sick with other stomach issues. I told her about being sick that night. She didn't seem to believe me and had some issues about our cabins, as well. It was sad to see her upset on her wedding night and upset at me/the other girls(?) specifically because we hadn't actually done anything wrong and it was a shame that people were telling her crappy things about us. I guess you can't be in a group our size without a bit of drama between everyone every once in a while, though. Hopefully she came away believing what we had said, but I'm not sure. I hope to speak to her when she gets back from her honeymoon to reiterate that we didn't say anything negative about her, her bachelorette party, or her choice of accommodation for us-there was just a lot of confusion and third party misinformation.

After the reception, we all headed back to hang out at the cabin and decompress from the night. At the stroke of midnight, we roused the Farmer from his room and sang Happy Birthday to him. The rest of us made it in to bed between 1 and 1:30.

In the morning, we got up waaaaaaay too early (7:30!!) and sat out on the porch again and watched the river. We then made breakfast, packed up, and all headed down to the river where MOTH and the Soccer Player took an unintentional, that turned in to intentional, dip in the river.

I don't think anyone wanted to go and we discussed getting a big house together somewhere at the beach to share sometime soon. We then got in to our separate cars and headed home. Other than being sick and the bit of drama that unfolded, it was a fantastic weekend away!

I Eat the Turkey and I Take a Nap

Nae is just getting started in the kitchen now. She's been prepping for the last few days and the turkey has been brining away. On the menu tonight are: turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce (homemade and the good stuff that retains the shape of the can), herb mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes with marshmallows and/or pineapple, homemade bread rolls, spinach salad with candy walnuts apples and orange zest, sauteed brussle sprouts, baked apples and for dessert lemon bars, vegan pumpkin pie (Nae's making it special for one of her roommates), or cream cheese pie. Did I mention there are only 4 of us?!? We have enough food to feed the neighborhood! Nae is a really good cook so I don't mind eating her leftovers for the next 5 days. I'll get some pictures later. I asked Nae for her recipes because everything she made last year turned out amazingly, but she said "Why do you want to steal my secret family recipes (that I got from Food Network)?" so we'll have to see if she comes around to sharing later. I think she is going to at least share her lemon bar recipe with me so I'll post that up with pics in the next few days. I'm really hoping she gives me her turkey brine recipe because she only started doing it last year and last year's turkey was the best I've ever had!

In other news, work has been going well. Everyone in the office is super nice. The work is fairly repetitive, but it makes the day fly by! Yesterday I got to taste test a new cookie flavor they are trying to perfect. It was good, but not quite there yet. I can't wait to see how it turns out. I was also able to grab a couple fresh cookies to bring home to the family last night- regular chocolate chip and chocolate chip macadamia...so darn good! We also have in a dark chocolate, walnut, and cherry cookie right now that one of the girls brought up for me to try because they are that good that they don't last long! I thought I wasn't working tomorrow and had planned to hit the Black Friday sales with Nae and Mom down in Monterrey, but I've been asked to come in from like 10-4 tomorrow so I'll be missing out on the shopping. A little bummed because it would be nice to hang out with them, but on the other hand I really need the money and could've told work that I wasn't available if I had really wanted to.

Yesterday I also learned that the homeless in Santa Cruz must have it pretty good. I went down to the beach on my lunch break to sit and watch the water while I ate my sandwich. I was pretty full after having one half and as it was a sandwich from Trader Joe's, the other half was still nicely wrapped, so I decided rather than let it go to waste I'd find a homeless person (there are normally tons downtown) and offer it to them. I hadn't even gotten away from the beach when I saw an older lady with a backpack on and a cardboard sign taped to her back that said "Need Food". I did a u-turn and rolled down my window and asked her if she'd like my sandwich. She said she was weird about people touching her food and she couldn't tell how fresh it was so no. My jaw just about hit the floor. She obviously wasn't that hungry! I brought it back to work and one of the ladies there happily had it, instead.

Only 6 more sleeps until Boyfriend gets here! I don't know how people do the long distance thing. I miss him like crazy, but then we get on the phone or a video chat online and have nothing exciting to tell each other. Boyfriend has also been on a tight deadline to get a new website up for Clinique and so he has been stressed, tired, grumpy, and not very talkative in general. There are times we talk and I just want to strangle him and I'm sure he wants to strangle me, haha! It's so funny because in real life we hardly ever fight or get super snippy with each other. I can't wait to have him here and get back to "happy couple" status.

Edited to Add: Just wanted to say a Happy Thanksgiving to all those Expats living in Australia and other places around the world! Hope you had a good one and were able to eat something that reminded you a little of home.

Unity, As One Stand Together

So really, who knew it was going to be this hard to find a job?? Back home I see that others my age are in a similar situation...moving back in with parents and working shitty retail jobs until the economy changes and they can find work in the field they got degrees in. Living in a foreign country and being jobless and slowly running out of money comes with its own challenges. Mainly how do I continue to live in that foreign country without much money and what to do about the boy I've fallen in love with?

Boyfriend and I are your typical first children...we strive to please our parents and avoid doing things that would disappoint them. That is, until now. We are also both fairly traditional people for our age. We had always said through four years of dating that we didn't want to live together before marriage. After discussing it for a few months and my bank account shrinking further and further, we realized that we didn't want our relationship to have to end because I was having trouble finding a job. Why should we be punished personally just because I was suffering financially? Things between us have been going well and we don't want it to end until we've exhausted all of our possibilities.

Boyfriend struggled and stressed trying to work up the courage to tell his parents that he was moving out and in with me. He put it off until the very last minute, the day I had to tell my real estate agents if I'd be moving out. He did it and it didn't go over very well. His Dad said he didn't and wouldn't accept it and he said his Mom didn't say much. It was horrible for Boyfriend and he was really upset. I felt really bad for him, but also was thankful that he had gone through with it and obviously really wanted me to stay.

I told Nae before I told my parents. I wanted to wait to tell them until after Boyfriend had told his parents, just to make sure it was really, really happening. Well Nae didn't know this and was telling our godsisters about it and my Mom overheard. Nae says her reaction was "What??!!" Followed by "She's a big girl. She can make her own decisions/mistakes" When I spoke to her on the phone, she said it isn't what she and my Dad want for us, but Boyfriend and I are both adults and it is our decision to make.

Other than that conversation my parents have been fairly quiet on the issue. Last night we went to Boyfriend's parent's house and I felt like I had been ambushed. We were having a quick dinner there and then all headed out to see a family friend perform in a play. Once again, our situation was brought up and we were told how much they didn't like it and that if she was my Mom she'd want me home and I'm just not finding a job. Boyfriend stood up for us again. When she left the room, I was quietly crying. Then she popped back in to the room to announce to us that even though she had asked us whether or not we planned to get married, to not get excited about that either, because she didn't think we were ready and basically it wasn't her condoning that idea either! Then she left again and I broke down crying. I asked Boyfriend if we could just go home and he said he wished we could, he wished we hadn't gone over there at all, and that he really didn't want to disappoint the family friend by not being there (especially as our seats were in the front row) so he gave me a kiss and told me how sorry he was and I wiped off my face and put on a neutral face for the rest of the night.

There had been discussion last night, as well, about how Boyfriend was going to get to the train station each morning. They don't want him leaving the pick-up truck at the station and I don't have insurance so I can't drive it to drop him off and pick him up. They said they'd be picking it up this (Sunday) afternoon. Boyfriend does have his own car, but it's a classic car from the 1960s, and sad to say it but the area is so ghetto that he's afraid it'll get vandalized if he leaves it there while he is at work. So it's 9:30 Sunday morning here and I'm waiting til about 11am to try and call Croc and some of our other friends to see if they have any old bombs that we could rent from them each week for now just to be driven to the station and back each morning. Boyfriend is even talking about riding his bike to the station in the morning (no idea how many miles that even is and considering it's winter, it would not be a fun ride at 6am).

We get it, they don't like the situation, they're going to make it hard on us, hoping that we will give up and Boyfriend will come home. I really hated that I had to be a part of the reason that Boyfriend's parents were disappointed with him. Boyfriend is still really bummed about the whole thing but strong in his conviction that he wants me here and wants to be with me. I told him to look on the bright side of all this; that I guess it meant his parents really love him and can't bear the thought of him not living with them anymore.

My parents said to me before I left, about being out of school and really being on my own for the first time, that this point in your life is supposed to be uncomfortable and a struggle. They weren't saying it in a mean way, just that this is the time when you really find out who you are and figure out how to make your life work for you. Boyfriend and I are in the struggle right now for sure. We've got each other's back. I hope that we make it out the other side of the struggle and will be devastated if we don't.

Kind words, thoughts, and prayers are much appreciated right now.

Forgive and Forget

I had a really good friend, Candy, in high school. She was a cool chick, always down for a good time or for going to a show and was fiercely loyal to her friends. We were friends up until I left for Australia and I was really going to miss her and hoped that she’d come out to visit me and Bun.

A few months before I left she started hanging out with this guy who was friends with people I knew from the surf shop. I didn’t know him at all, we talked online sometimes, just about Candy and our mutual friends. He’s in some band that has had their songs play on MTV and stuff but this was before they really started touring or doing shows. I didn’t message him to start with, he messaged me I’m pretty sure. The only time I met him was at mine and Bun’s going away dinner when Candy brought him as her date. He seemed nice and cool and I continued to talk to him online, but I didn’t have a crush on him or consider him a good friend or have any kind of ulterior motives for our acquaintance.

Candy ended up telling me something that I felt she should tell this guy. She didn’t think so, but from what he had told me about the two of them, I thought he should know. Now, looking back, even 5 minutes after I did it I thought it- I should’ve given her the chance to tell him or given her an ultimatum like if she didn’t tell him, I would, but I didn’t. To this day she thinks I was in the wrong for saying anything at all to him, but I still feel like I should’ve, just in a different way or talked her in to doing it herself since it was really her business.

I know that is all really vague and it makes me sound like an awful friend. If I said what the issue was, maybe more people would agree with what I had done, but I don’t want to say because I wouldn’t want to hurt Candy all over again about it. The bottom line is just this thing happened between us and it changed everything.

She called me to tell me she knew I had told the guy the thing and was pissed. I apologized and I meant it and I thought that that was that but, we stopped talking after that. I didn’t go home for that first year. I don’t think I tried to see her that Christmas, but I did try and see her that next summer when I was home. She agreed to meet then backed out at the last minute. We didn’t talk for another year and a half and then we started messaging back and forth on AIM and it seemed like maybe we had gotten over stuff.

After I got back from Hawaii, she suggested I come over and see her new place and have a hang out. I went and it was just awkward. I felt like she didn’t really want me there, even though SHE had been the one to call me. When her roommate came home, she pretty much ignored me to talk to this girl she saw everyday. I didn’t like her roommate and her roommate didn’t like me. I was saying something about the flight to Sydney being 14 hours or something and the roommate was like “How can that be when it takes like 10 to get to Hawaii from here.” I said, “No, it doesn’t, it takes like 6 to get to Hawaii.” She gave me this look like “Right, I don’t believe you, what do you know?” And I said, “Look, I just got back from Hawaii like 2 days ago, I know how long the flight is.” She then gave Candy this look like “Back me up (even though I’ve never been to Hawaii and neither have you and this girl has) it takes 10 hours to get there.” And Candy just said, “I don’t know.”

After the roommate went in to her room our conversation started flowing and it was turning out to be a fun night. Then the incident that changed everything came up. She told me how she had told, or had in as many words told, a bunch of people that were mutual friends that she hated me. It really shocked me, I knew she was mad, but I didn’t know she HATED me. I felt awful. I started crying because no one has ever said they’ve hated me before. I left shortly thereafter and it was kindof an uncomfortable goodbye, we said we’d meet up again before I left but I really didn’t want to and I ended up not seeing her again.

I didn’t hear from her again for 6 months. Then she messaged me to say she was moving to Australia. We had talked about this when I was at her house and I had advised her that moving to Australia can be very lonely and it’s not at all what you would expect. I knew her, or at least what she had been like for 5 years, and I knew she needed a big support group around her, like friends and her family, and here you are removed from all that. I suggested she move to a new city first to give living away from everyone a try. I also found it weird that she had “randomly” decided to move to Australia out of everywhere in the world. I don’t know if she wanted to prove it to me and Bun and everyone else that knew we had moved here that she was tough enough to do it too or what. Out of the blue I got a message from her on MySpace saying she was moving to Australia, but don’t worry “not my part of Australia”-Sydney, which if I have a “part” of Australia, I’d consider Sydney as within its range. Anyway, she asked if I had any advice for her.

I didn’t write her back. She suggested in the email that we should let the past be the past and I agreed, just not the in the way she thought. I just figured my life was here and in Santa Cruz now, not in Orange County so I’d let our friendship be in the past, too. I don’t think we would’ve hung out together heaps if I had written back, but I just didn’t want to be involved. My not replying wasn’t malicious; I just thought it was what was the best thing for me. Sometimes I ask Bun how she’s doing here and I hear she’s pretty miserable (probably off and on as living in a different country is always a roller coaster), I don’t think she’ll be making a permanent move out here, but I guess now she can tell everyone she’s done it?