Because the Positive will Always Overcome the Negative

Although my last post was fairly negative, I generally try to write about things from a positive perspective. I may talk about something negative if it has been affecting me for some time, but if MOTH Dude and I get in to a little fight or if someone at work or a friend says something that hurts my feelings, I don't come on here and lash out at them right away. I know it is a momentary bump in the road in our relationship/friendships. Don't get me wrong, there have been times I've wanted to be immature and air some dirty laundry on here, but once it's on here anyone can read it and even though I give psuedonym's to everyone, if you know me, it is easy to figure out who everyone is.

The benefit of technology is that it allows people to have a voice and to share that voice with a wider audience than was ever available before. The downside to technology is that people seem to forget that what you put out in to the internet never really goes away. So if you put something out there, you have to be willing to own it.

I'll get to the specific event I'm speaking about in just a moment here, but when called my Mom on advice on how to proceed on what I had found, she talked about how one of her friend's daughters had broken up with a boy and the boy got so mad he started a website about what a drunk and a slut this girl is. Now, whenever you Google the girl, that stuff comes up about her. How horrible, right? Even if these things were true, does the girl deserve to have that out there for future employers to see?

I, myself, Googled someone the other day who had been really, really mean to me for no reason just to see what was out there about him. With only his first and last name, I found out a ton about him and on the very first search result linked to his name found his cell number and his personal email address. If I was a vindictive person, there's lots of bad stuff I could do with that information alone.

Technology is changing so rapidly and is such a useful tool, but sometimes we get complacent about what we put out there about others and the information that we share to the world about ourselves.

So on to why I'm posting about this today: MOTH Dude and I are heading back to California in a month and a half to visit family and friends and to start looking at wedding venues and meet with potential vendors. I've made a wedding inspiration board and have a good idea based on our style and our budget on what we are after. In conjunction with the wedding planning process, part of my daily internet routine now includes checking out a couple wedding blogs to see if any of the weddings featured are using the colors or details we like in a way we haven't thought of. I also read a forum site where brides ask each other things like where to find the perfect blue shoes or what a reasonable cost in NY is for a wedding cake or what should they do to make their DIY centerpieces nicer. Part of the forum is dedicated to family topics and bridesmaids and honeymoons, as well. What I generally do is go on and look at the first 5 pages of forum topics. These are all the posts from any of the sections (honeymoons, shoes, family, etc) that have been commented on most recently.

This morning, while MOTH was at church and I was waiting on the first load of laundry, I scanned through the first 5 pages as per usual and opened in a new tab any topics that were relevant to me and a few about people venting about problems they are having in planning their weddings. One of the topics I opened was "MOH from Hell". (For those not in the throes of wedding planning, MOH = Maid of Honor.)

I'm reading through the post and the author was frustrated with her Maid of Honor because she thought she was being too controlling, too negative, and wanted to go on a $500 cruise for a bachelorette weekend (which may sound extravagant to some, but I've had a few friends in Orange County do this now, so while it does seem like an expensive party, it's not so far fetched for our area/friend group) but then was worried about how much being a bridesmaid was going to cost her. The friend asked the bride to provide her with a spreadsheet on what she should be expecting to pay to participate in the wedding, which is a contrast to being able to drop $500 for a weekend cruise, but not an unreasonable request. The bride first writes that she is unsure 12 months out from the wedding how much everything will cost, (which I can relate to because I have no idea how much I'll be asking my girls to spend, but want to keep it low for them) but then the bride writes out how much the bridesmaid dress she likes costs, how much for the shoes she wants them to get are, and how much for their hair/makeup and comes up with a figure of $256.

She then rips in to her Maid of Honor saying she thought she'd be the perfect person to pick as she works in the industry. She then starts to talk about the friend's family's financial background and talks about how it shouldn't worry the Maid of Honor as they are well off. Then things get really nasty and the bride starts to talk about really personal things that have happened to the girl, once again, on a public forum where anyone can read it.

Well, as I'm reading the post, I think to myself, "Gee, that sounds like the life of one of my friends as far as school and work goes and she does come from a comfortable family, but I have never heard a negative word from her about anything and when I showed her my wedding idea board she had nothing but nice things to say and made some cool suggestions, too." So I went on Facebook and was going to link to the forum post on my friend's wall for a laugh, but then I thought, "Nah, I'll private message her."

So I'm writing this note: Hey Hottie, How's life? You're not a Maid of Honor for anyone are you? There is a post on this website (link to website) about some girl, but I don't think anyone could ever write something like that about you. Anyway, there is someone else in your city, living your life, and they also went to your same college...Better find out who your competition is! ;)

But before I hit send, I get a funny feeling and think I should check out the bride's profile to see if there was any link between her and my friend...like same age or high school or neighborhood. I click on her Bio page and there is a description and picture of each of her bridesmaids and lo and behold, my friend is at the top under Maid of Honor. It doesn't give her full name, thank god, just her first name but there she is in picture form for everyone to see who exactly the bride has been talking about.

I didn't know what to do so I called my Mom. I gave her a general run down of what I had found and my Mom said that this was the trouble with technology and that I should just sit on it. And I said, "Really? Don't do anything? Let me just read you exactly what was written." So I did and then said again how my friend's picture was easily linked to the post. Mom thought it was pretty awful and suggested that I wait to see if the bride posts anything later because the last thing the bride wrote was how she was going out with the Maid of Honor and another bridemaid tonight, to see if maybe she and my friend get things worked out, and if not, to contact my friend tomorrow to let her know this information is out there on the internet about her.

Whether what the bride wrote about the friend is true or untrue (I really don't know), I don't think she had the right to post those things about my friend, when there is a picture that everyone can see of her on the same site.

So two questions for you:

1) How would you proceed from here? (Would you only let my friend know if they bride continued to post negative stuff about her? Or should she know what is already out there about her?)

2)Would you want to know someone had written stuff about you like that online or since it won't come up in a Google search of your name, would you rather be left in the dark?

Ok, how about a third:

Have you ever found something written online about you, bad or good, that you didn't know existed? How did it make you feel? What did you do?

Riverside, Mother F....

Where I grew up, just about the worst place in the world a person could say they were from was Riverside. The only thing as bad as being from Riverside, was being from Fallbrook, and that was just San Diego's version of Riverside.

Riverside was everything us kids from near the coast thought was wrong with the world (Have you seen the SNL skits where Gov. David Patterson always talks about "New Jersey!"? It's like that): they drove lifted trucks with big, shiny rims. They went to "The River" (aka Lake Havasu) on Spring Break to get drunk. Their chicks wore thong bikinis and had long, fake nails. They hung out in the desert and dirt biked. My friends and I were more about driving whatever our parents let us, going to our local beach for Spring Break, wearing bathing suits that were at least semi-functional while we surfed, and getting a manicure or pedicure a few times a year for school dances.

Typical person you'd see walking around Riverside or Fallbrook

We hated when people from Riverside (aka the 909) decided to come to the beach. You could always tell who they were because they had a Famous Stars and Straps hat on sideways or Famous boardshorts and sometimes they wore socks and sandals. They'd also bring a surfboard or bodyboard that someone in their extended, redneck family had and try and go for a surf. I'm not in to localism or anything (surfer mentality of- this is my home break, no one else can catch a wave here unless I know them and say they can), but I am all for respecting the rules of surfing, such as not snaking (stealing) a wave from someone who is already on it. Not being a part of the culture, most of these guys didn't seem to get the rules so we mostly had this mentality (though we didn't vocalize it-well, at least not to them):

So, how come I'm talking about a group of lame people from an area I haven't lived in for 6 years (as of today, it's my moving to Australia anniversary and also the anniversary of MOTH Dude and I meeting! This time 6 years ago I was pounding shots with Bun, hoping to get up the nerve to meet him! eeeeeee!)? Well, see, this is how my train of thought has gone...Today, I had to listen to a recording of one of my calls in the call centre with my manager and we talked about what a direct person I am and that I have a certain way with words (and then she suggested, really nicely, I promise, no sarcasm) that maybe this wasn't the right line of work for me (anyway, a story for another day perhaps? and are all of these asides in parenthesis starting to make you mad? sorry!). So then I got to thinking about a certain incident that went down at one of my sister's water polo tournaments during a game against none other than the University of Riverside. So then I got to thinking about Riverside, in general, and thus, this rambling post.

So the incident at the Water Polo Tournament...

I'm sitting in the stands with my Mom at one of my sister's many tournaments; I often went to Nae's games throughout high school and then as often as I could when she became a Banana Slug for UC Santa Cruz. The game between UCSC and UCR is on in the water and the Riverside girls are playing really, really roughly. They're winning, but they are playing really dirty and you can see the Santa Cruz girls getting dunked and punched and overpowered by these beasts from (have I mentioned this yet?) Riverside. There are people behind me who are UCR supporters and they are starting to talk crap about UCSC and I'm listening and listening and listening and finally I turn to my Mom and say as loudly as possible, without actually yelling it at her, that, "At least the one thing the UCSC team has going for them is that they don't have to live in a hole of a place like Riverside. Isn't it awesome that we don't have to visit Nae in a place as crappy as Riverside? God, Riverside is shit!" And my Mom is looking at me at first like, "Why are you saying this to me right now?" and then as the Riverside supporters start commenting back she gives me the death stare that says, "Please kid, shut your mouth before we get rolled by this riff raff from Riverside" (well maybe it was more just the "Please, shut your mouth" part. My memory is a little fuzzy,but I'm sure my Mom hates Riverside, too. Right, Mom?). I ended up getting the UCR supporters so riled up that my Mom made us get up and walk to the other side of the pool during the game so that the war of words would not turn in to a full on brawl. In the end, I think UCSC ended up getting their asses handed to them by UCR but I know Nae appreciated that I had stuck up for her and the girls and that I had put those Riverside people back in their places.

And I'm assuming after reading this, you'll all hate me (unless you're from Orange County) and think of me as the entitled and spoiled brat from the OC and I guess, in a way, you'd be right. But let's bring this back full circle and I'll finish by saying that part of the reason for staying in Australia 6 years rather than the 4 months I had planned to, other than MOTH Dude, is that coming here was a reality check. I have friends here now that dirt bike and think lifted trucks are rad (though none of their chicks wear thong bikinis, thank God) and would have fun at "The River" and that doesn't make them bad or wrong or whitetrash. They're just different. So I went away a little princess from the OC and I think I've hopefully matured in to a (not so) young lady who is more accepting of others.

Oh man, did I take that full circle stuff too far? Are you throwing up in your mouth a little bit after those last few cheesy sentiments? Well, I'll just leave you with this then: I still think, 6 years on, "Thank God I don't live in a hell hole like Riverside!"

I Just Wanna Be Alone with Your Smile...Because When I'm with You, There's Nothing I Wouldn't Do

One year ago today below the Bay Bridge and right next to the Bow and Arrow sculpture on the Embarcadero in San Francisco, MOTH Dude asked me to marry him. It's still pretty surreal to think that we've, at least partially, entered in to this commitment to try and make this thing we've got going work for the rest of our lives! I think it bodes well for our future that we've made it through the first year without killing each other, right?

So what does a couple do to celebrate the anniversary of such a special day? Well, if you're us, you drive an hour and a half to IKEA to browse, buy some shit you don't really need, eat some meatballs, and escape the heat by being in their free air conditioning...so romantical!

Go Your Own Way, I'll Be With You. Make Mistakes and I'll Forgive You. Home Is Waiting Here For You When You Return

Six years ago, I set out to do a study abroad program for 4 months in Australia and I've never (permanently) left. Next week, my little sister sets out on her own journey, this time to South Africa with an open ended time line...might be two years, might be three. I am proud of her for living her dream, but afraid of what she might encounter. I'm fine with her being up close and personal with huge Great White Sharks, that doesn't worry me, it's the people that do. She has been mugged once already, I hope it's not a re-occurring experience for her there.

Because she doesn't need a lecture from her big sister and because I am trying not to be sad that she is leaving, rather than send her a big, smoochie boochie letter, I got her the sweatshirt pictured above. I hope she likes it and wears it all the time and thinks about me.

Well How Do You Do, I'm the Language Police

I know that I use parenthesis and run on sentences far too often so I'm probably not in the best position to judge other's writing, grammar, punctuation, or pronunciation, but Come On! You guys are killing me! I've heard two different people at work say "pacifically" or "pacifics"....they aren't talking about someone doing something calmly and they aren't talking about two parts of the Pacific Ocean; what they are trying to say is Specifically and Specifics. Whenever I hear it, my hackles rise and I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from correcting them. The worse part is, they won't say it once. They will get on a role and use the word/s in their conversation in every other sentence. That's how I've been able to ascertain I didn't just mishear the word to begin with. They really like to remind me/the customer that they are using the word incorrectly!

Alright, take out your pens and proofread my posting now. Hahaha, oh man, you all must hate me at this point-no new entries to read for nearly a month and then I come on with a quick rant about pronunciation.

My apologies!

I guess I could leave you with a quick run down of what has been going on with me since my houseboat trip:

-My Christmas was not bad. We had a busy day going to different family members' houses and baking, but it didn't feel like Christmas so Nae texted me at 4:15 on real Christmas morning and I got to watch on the webcam as everyone opened their presents back home. My family sent us two different packages filled with some basic necessities we were running low on like Mexican food stuff and underwear (hahaha, we are spoiled! MOTH only wears Old Navy ones now and I only wear American Eagle...tmi??)

-We went nuts at the Boxing Day sale, but with our engagement present gift cards, we ended up getting a lot of stuff without being out of pocket (except for the bed and dryer we bought!)

-I got told my last week of annual leave got rejected so it's kind of thrown a spanner in the works for our trip to CA to wedding plan and visit family and friends, but I'm working on some solutions.

-Nae is leaving at the end of the month for her 2 year trip to South Africa to study sharks and I won't get to see her before she goes...pretty devastated! She has made up for it a little by sending us an 18 month calendar that is all about her that is pretty hilarious though.

-I got tentatively diagnosed with not full blown Celiac Disease but a "sensitivity" to gluten that the doctor thinks is causing all my stomach problems and headaches so I've started a gluten free diet (as of Tuesday) to see if a month of being gluten free cures me.

-We spent New Years with the majority of our friends at a pretty town called Forster about 3 hours north of where we live. We fished, we swam off of sand bars, MOTH Dude caught and then lost a fish, we tooled around on the boat, we watched fireworks, we walked...good times and very, very strange to be sweating on New Year's Eve!

-We've decided to start our trip back to the States with a stop over to Kauai with my parents (MOTH's can't make it due to MOTH Dad needing some intense shoulder surgery that he is hoping will be scheduled finally in April) and I just booked the flights from Kauai to Oakland tonight!

I'm On a Boat, I'm On a Boat, Everybody Look at Me 'Cause I'm Sailing On a Boat

This past weekend was incredible! I'd say it ranks in my top 5 weekends of all time. I don't know exactly what to say so you know why I think that, it just was. It felt awesome to go on a mini vacation to a place I knew nothing about and on a trip I hadn't planned and to be doing it with MOTH Dude, Croc, and the Teacher. I liked that I just had to pack my stuff and show up and we'd figure out exactly where we were going when we got there.

We did so much cool stuff- fished, took the little boat out, knee boarded, innertubed, wake boarded, traveled up and down the river system, and hung out in the water off a sandy beach.

We also saw so much cool stuff- a baby hammerhead shark (which we threw back in the water alive but it came back and actually pulled one of the rods off the boat and got tangled around the anchor line and drowned and we didn't realize it until the next morning when we went to pull up the anchor), tons of jellyfish, and a few times a day we'd have sea eagles fly over and screech at us.

Houseboats are rad because you go out on the little boat for awhile while people were wakeboaring or kneeboarding and then when everyone's tired you just head back to your floating house to do whatever you want. It was also rad that when we got tired of where we were "living" we could say, "Next!" and find a new place to "live". If you get the chance to go houseboating, especially on the Hawkesbury River, I'd highly recommend doing it. I loved it even more than I thought I would!

Yeah, Never Thought I'd Be On A (House)Boat

I was able to get my shift changed tomorrow so I'm done at 2:30 rather than 6 and you know what that means? It means I get to go houseboating for the weekend! I'm so excited! I can't wait to see what it's like and the area we are going to is supposed to be beautiful. Rain is forecasted for tomorrow but the rest of the weekend should be sunny and warm. Hopefully I'll get some good pictures and have some stories to tell when I get back.