Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Falling In Law-ve With You

Does anyone else come back from their in laws absolutely exhausted? I always do because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells the whole time I'm there. The MOTH Parents and Brother aren't my biggest supporters and I'm the type of person who likes to be liked so I always feel like I'm on my guard the whole time I'm with them so I say the right thing, and more importantly, don't say the wrong thing. They don't give me a horrible look if I say the wrong thing or anything, don't get me wrong, this is on me, not on them, but once again, I want them to like me because they are the most important people in MOTH's life besides me. And if I do say the wrong thing, I get that bad feeling way down deep in my tummy and wonder how long my comment, that wasn't said to offend, just said without thinking or said because it is my actual opinion on something, will be held against me. (Once again, maybe they don't like the comment for a minute and then they forget it and don't hold it against me, I don't know for sure either way, but I hold on to it and worry about it.) I hope it gets to the point where a) they do like me or b) I get over caring what they, or anyone else think about me. It gets a bit overwhelming and I ruin the night for myself because MOTH just walked in and said what a nice night he thought it was and I'm sitting here wondering if this stupid comment I made to his brother about a grudge he held against me for two years over a lighthouse in Hawaii will now make him (Bob, the brother) mad at me for another 2 years when we have been getting along really nicely for the past few months. Then MOTH asked me if I was bored there at the end of the night and I burst out crying, because I had just been writing this and when he said it, I thought, "Great, I wasn't bored, but if I looked it, there's another tick against my name." (Luckily he cleared it up by saying I didn't look outwardly bored, he just knows me well and was wondering, but even if I had been bored, no one else but him would've been able to tell so Phew! bullet that wasn't even a real bullet has been dodged and one less thing about tonight I have to stress about.) Ugh, I do it to myself, but at the same time, if I didn't know that they didn't really like me, I wouldn't feel like I'm having to prove myself every time I see them. Anyway, I think it's time I called it a night. Feel free to share any in law stories or mishaps with me to cheer me up! (By this I mean PLEASE, PLEASE share any in law stories or mishaps with me!)


  1. My in-laws-to-be live in Europe, so I don't have any day-to-day contact with them; but our relationship is stressful because we don't speak the same language. His mom and I sometimes send little notes with the help of Google Translate, and one of the first ones I sent to her was intended to say, "I look forward to meeting you." Apparently, it translated to "I look forward to gratifying you." OMG! Fiance thought it was hilarious, but I was mortified!

    I think we are always going to care what they think of us - near or far.

  2. I hate to tell you this; but I have the greatest in-laws on the planet. I was really nervous when I first met them; but they are wonderful and the big joke is that they love me more then they love Joe :)

    But.... I have 7 brothers and sisters and I know all about in-law drama. Here is my advice. Be yourself and don't let yourself get caught up in the cycle of making yourself sick, worried and crazy. MOTH dude obviously loves you a great deal and he is the one that you have to live with and build a life with. It's a bit harder for you since he is so close with his family; but I bet you will find that as soon as you start to relax - they will relax too. You are wound really tight about this whole issue and I am sure they can sense your tension/stress and they will automatically put their gaurd/defenses up because of it (not them, but just human nature).

    Someone once told me that that if you go through life with your arms crossed over your chest, you'll never share yourself with others and they won't share with you. You don't seem like an "arms crossed" sort of girl (from the little I know of you, you seem very open and friendly); but maybe you are in this one instance?

    Just my two cents - I don't know your in-laws so my advice might be crap! :)

    Good Luck!

  3. C- thanks for sharing your own experience and that funny mishap with your fiance's Mom!

    Mimi-not crap advice at all, I think you are spot on! Thanks very much for what you said, you're right about all of it. I'm jealous of your in-law situation though!

  4. Tim's mum passed away in april last year. She was (well is, she lives on in memory) the BEST mother in law you could ever hope for. But I hear so many bad stories about in laws and it's a real shame. you are in love, and if you are both happy then how the heck can they be anything less than happy? I can't imagine how horrible it would be. You shouldn't have to feel so uncomfortable :(.

    Is it a cultural or religious thing?

  5. Thanks Danae! I agree that if we're happy, why wouldn't they be happy for us? My parents see that we are happy and although they wouldn't be stoked for me to live in Aus forever, they accept that it's my decision and if it's what I want, then they are happy for me and support me. The problem is MOTH's parents don't think we're happy! I don't think I'd live a million miles away from my support system/family if I wasn't happy and MOTH is a people pleaser so if he wasn't happy with me he wouldn't have moved in with me against their wishes or have asked me to marry him.

  6. This might make you feel better. It's a second hand story though. I have a friend who is allergic to fish. She gets violently sick to her stomach whenever she eats fish. Sooo, her bf's mom (real pleasant lady who is aware of my friends allergy) cooks fish every time my friend comes over for dinner! What a @#$%*.

    So, next time you over there... maybe you can think... well at least they aren't trying to poison me. Lol.

  7. Ahahaha, Samantha, that is horrible! Your poor friend! You're right, at least they haven't tried to poison me and his Mom is cool and actually makes sure there is always a chicken or fish option for me since I don't really eat red meat.
    P.S. Just bookmarked your blog so hope to read more from you soon :)

  8. well to add to samantha's story ..

    i lived with my in-laws for 6 months before buying a house. she always insisted on doing our washing, cooking dinner and all the cleaning ( it was great). She would always make our lunch for work just like you remember your mum doing for you back in school. anyway i would always complain to my work collegues how gross my lunch was.. i allways got a stale brread roll with a HEAP of butter, a tiny bit of ham and really thick cut tasty cheese! and then i would be lucky to get a apple or muesli bar!i never complained as we were guests in their house. anyway once we found a house and moved out i was making all the lunchs and my partner asked me " can you get those really good choc biscuits and cake mum use to always give us" and i was shocked.. this whole time he had been getting home made cakes and really nice choc biscuits, bags of chips and all kinds of stuff! plus he always got REALLY nice multigrian bread rolls!! i couldnt get over it, all this time she had been giving him all the tasty stuff and i put up with a stale bread roll and a brown apple!!!

    LC XX

  9. No way, friend, I can't believe that, especially because she seems to love you! Ahahaha, I can't believe Bob Marley was getting all this good stuff and you were getting a tiny, crappy lunch- oh in-laws, they are a strange bunch!


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